one hand there

>> December 27, 2010

woohoo!

aku still kagum bagaimana norshahrul berjaya gelecek bola past an opponent who thought the ball was out (haha hentam sajalah), and made the setting for msia's 1st goal. what a morale booster.

and we thought the indonesian walkout would dampen our team's spirit.

go malaysia! you can do it if you try, V.I.C.T.O.R.Y!!!

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year-end

>> December 22, 2010

::There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.::

jiwa kacau.

end of the year syndrome i think.

to realize that there are some things that are yet to be achieved. even worse since you never set any targets or have any expectations in the 1st place. heartbreaking, since you just realize that this year is not much different from the last.

or maybe you did do something different this year. it's just that you haven't found out how the outcome will make or break you. and you're waiting in agony. am i doing good? did i do the right thing? how long should i wait?

year is just a number. yet it defines what we are, it dictates what we do, it brings us closer to our end. our Maker.

you better come prepared.

regrets i have a few. if only i could [insert the things you could've done instead of what you did here]

ok chiow.

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201st

>> December 10, 2010

::Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.::

daym kirah yg baru berapa minggu duk bangi dah jog kat ttc a couple of times already. me? urm...

first off, i need shoes. i don't remember the last time i bought sport shoes... 6 yrs ago? of course la ada pakai kasut satu kat rumah tu (either mak's or rafiq's) yg selalu aku pakai utk any outdoor activities, tapi kasut tu pun dah terkoyak. kasut penoreh tu ada lagi, but it lacks any appealing factor, plus it doesn't have the shock-absorbing feature that is so important when you're running, the flexibility to make your running experience better, bla bla bla. hehe yea i'm full of excuses.

maybe it's the thought of having to fork out some money to buy a new pair of shoes that's been holding me back. God i'm such a cheapskate.

ada kawan aku dia ckp bila family dia masuk umur 30-an je, metabolism turun mendadak. if that were true for my family genetics as well, that's only 2 years away man. and i'm already looking like i've been married with children. oh tidak!

shoe store, here i come. or not. still rasa berbelah bagi ni nak beli kasut tu. wish me luck.

ok chiow.

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va-va-voom

>> December 06, 2010

::Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.::


you can't beat the feeling of finding out you're right all along.

haritu keta aku kena masuk bengkel. x sure kenapa, sth to do with dah kena bawak mcm manual bila naik bukit. which is totally fine by me (bergunala jugak skill kereta manual yg belajar masa nak dpt lesen hehe), but not to my family ("x suka la nnt nak amik tiket, takut terundur". "mak kelam-kabut nnt takut kena keta belakang").

so bila gi amik haritu, last2 x tukar pun gearbox, tapi kena tune siket itu enjin (my mechanics lingo is below par, so...). owner bengkel tu siap ckp, "u tau aa, ini keleta aa.. mana boleh bawak slow2... vtec engine kena dari P, N, D terus fhiiiuuu (sambil buat gaya tangan menuju nun jauh ke depan). u kena bawak... lapan puluh pun tak boleh liao." "mau buat mcm mana, apak saya tak bagi bawak laju2, dia kata bahaya. you kena ckp sama dia la hehe." "itu la saya sudah bagitau dia. keleta ini macam bawak slow2.. haii manyak lugi. tengok lagi cepat rosak."

in short, yesss aku boleh bawak laju siket keretaku itu. and aku boleh guna alasan ni bila org sound aku belok x brek dulu (in defense, aku tekan brake okay, cuma x se-slow yg org lain mahukan. tapi aku rasa org lain bawak kat kona lagi laju, apsal aku je yg selalu kena sound?).

erk which reminds me, saman haritu x berbayar lagi. nasib baik ada diskaun haha teruk betul.

ok chiow.

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all the small things

>> November 24, 2010

::When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.::

haha boleh ada org search "entah la nak cari apa". wth? i mean, what do you expect to find? the question to that answer, or the answer to that question, if you could call it that?

bulan ni dah nak habis, skt aku still x cukup lagi. sekarang ni mcm tgh pasrah je, ala2 giveup pun ada (ala mcm sempat pun nak cukupkan, tinggal 3 working days je lagi). haha where's the motivation when i need one?

tiba2 aku rasa berbelanja RM8.60 a day in transportation alone is quite steep. in fact it's so steep i'd be better off wearing clothes with unfinished pockets. let's say i work 20 days a month, so (8.60 + 8(lunch+bfast)) * 20 = RM332. campur bayar loan, insurans, ~1100/month! wajib keluar tiap2 bulan. belum campur lagi hadiah utk org kawin / bday sedara / belanja family lagi. belum campur buying stupid stuffs as a reward for my hard work (acecece).

man i'm totally thinking about money a tad too much.... or am i?

ok chiow.

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hunting season

>> November 23, 2010

::Food is the most primitive form of comfort.::

so we've finally moved to a new workplace. in bangsar no less... gila aah nasi+lauk+sayur min rm5. dulu kalau tokei kedai letak rm4 boleh boikot jap seminggu. rm5? mau kopak poket. *office mau upgrade, gaji xmau... hmmph*

transportation-wise, utk org yg mmg duduk putra line mmg heaven laa. dah la putra selalunya on time, pulak tu mmg bangunan ni betul2 sebelah station, so xde problem utk diorg. me? well i have to switch from komuter at kl sentral, dah la patah balik ke bangsar. tambah rm0.70 one way. i even begin contemplating driving to work, tapi memandangkan minyak pun mcm byk je, and aku xkan boleh tido time driving, terpaksa tunggu dulu.

kdg2 terfikir gak nak bawak bekal from rumah ke, tapi aku seriously x tau apa yg boleh dibawa bekal ke ofis. kalau nak bawak lauk mlm sebelumnya, mcm bosan je. and normally what we have for tonight's dinner will be tomorrow's dinner as well. tu sbb kena makan tiap2 mlm supaya the next dinner x makan benda sama (ok x alasan? hehe). kalau aku bawak the same meal utk lunch, xke bosan tu? then again, beggars can't be choosers.

another alternative, cari tpt makan lain yg murah. ini kena ada geng baru ok ni... kalau sorg2 x feel. boleh je nak makan dekat2, tapi san francisco coffee, old town, little taiwan; ini sume tpt org hi-class... hari2 makan habis la duit. dah la sume benda makin mahal. sampai bila pun x boleh beli ps3 or x360slim or any other 4th gen mcm ni.

komplen je tau kan. nak initiate perubahan x nak. hehe.

let the quest begin! (tapi jgn harapla aku nak upload food review ke apa)

ok chiow.

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violation of the mind

>> November 22, 2010

i guess i'm in the age where i believe there will be dire consequences in all the wrong choices i make. maybe there is one happening right now.

i should've let fate runs it own course. and now i'm trapped. scarred.

benci laaaaaaa bodoh

ya Allah ampunkanlah hambaMu yang lemah ini...

will i ever be forgiven?

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scammers

>> November 09, 2010

::Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art of all.::

maybe i am a scammer's magnet.

probably one of my defining moment as the one with the upper hand of some sort. here's the abridged version:

missA(-):hallo miss
aku(+): iye saya.
- cik XXX ye? saya missA dari ikasih takaful. ni nak bgtau la. cik dah nak masuk tahun kedua, dah tarikh expired dia hari ni. so..
+ eh jap2. dari mana tadi?
- ikasih takaful.
+ saya ada signup ke?
- ada cik.
+ bila?
- masa cik amik visa atau mastercard tahun lepas. (aku still guna the same cc since 4 years ago.. tahun lepas? hmmm 1-0)
+ huh.
- pelan ni untuk perlindungan cik lah. kiranya kalau ada berlaku apa2, nnt waris cik la yg dapat. waris cik still (nama bapak aku) kan?
+ ha'ah.
- apa ic number encik ni?
+ saya x ingat la.
- birthdate dia ingat x?
+ ingat... XX/XX/XXXX
- cik ada amik ni, yuran tahunan dia rm250. tamat tempoh hari ni.
+ eh saya x ingat pun ada bayar utk apa2.
- dia xde hantar statement ke rumah cik ke?
+ xde pun.
- rumah cik di alamat XXXXXX kan.
+ uish saya dah lama dah x duduk situ.
- oh ye ke. cik duduk mana sekarang?
+ sekarang kat XXXXXX (siot dia berjaya amik alamat terbaru... xpe2 1-1)
- so sekarang dah nak masuk 2nd year, cik kena renew la pelan takaful ni. masa sign up haritu cik dah signup utk 2 tahun, so xleh nak cancel lah ye. (ting33x! apakejadah dah signup siap2 untuk 2 tahun, tapi nak masuk 2nd year kena bayar. kalau aku x nak bayar? 2-1)
+ eh jap. berbalik semula pada yg asal. setahu saya, mmg x pernah bayar apa2 yg saya x tau. kalau ada mesti saya ingat.
- mungkin consultant akak time tu dia bayarkan utk akak. (yolah tu... 3-1)
+ hmmm
- so saya nak confirm balik lah, nombor credit card akak betul ke XXXXXXXXX.
+ hmm.
- betul x?
+ betul.
- expired bila tu kak?
+ jap eh... XX/XX (tgk... dpt lagi satu info. cis 3-2)
- pastu akak boleh bgtau x nombor keahlian... iaitu 3 digit lepas 4 nombor terakhir kat belakang kad kredit tu. (MOTHER OF ALL 'TING's... nombor keahlian la sgt)
+ eh, mana boleh saya bagi nombor tu. kan itu lebih kurang personal number tu. habis la saya kalau nombor tu pun saya bagi org.
- bukan kak, ni perlu utk saya key-in dlm rekod akak.
+ ye la, tapi setau saya mmg xleh bagi sapa2 nombor ni.
- mcm ni kak, saya bg particulars saya... apa2 hal akak boleh cari saya. MissA, IC 84XXXXXXX, nombor telefon saya XXXXXXXX (which is weird, sbb x sama dgn nombor telefon yg dia guna utk call aku)
+ mcm ni la dik. saya gi makan dulu boleh? nnt saya call adik balik. apa nama pelan yg sama amik tu?
- i-kasih takaful.
+ apsal saya google xde pun? xkan xde website apa2 kot?
- hah? office kami kat XXXX (deflecting tactic: 4-2).

at this point mmg byk kali la we went back n forth regarding 'nombor keselamatan / no keahlian' thingy. and aku sure sgt2 si missA ni pass kat org lain utk ckpkan bagi pihak dia.

- kak, jgn risau kak, perbualan ni direkodkan. kalau ada apa2, akak boleh saman.
- x pun, akak bank in kat acc ni: XXXX pastu fax resit kat XXXXX. ok?
+ hmm ok.
- kalau ada apa2 akak cari saya. saya ana. (what? tadi bukan dah pass kat org lain ke? 5-2)

during lunch, aku dpt sms dari nombor yg call tadi. kasik more detailed info pasal apa aku kena buat. surprise2, aku tgk acc number tu atas nama dyn4sty v1s10n (nak elak org google jumpa hehe). and rupa2nya company ni byk involve dgn privilege vacation card scam/swindle. mcm aku nak percaya diorg ada branching out to takaful pulak kan.

to missA: kiss my foot!

ok chiow.

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aa urm aa urm... ok!

>> October 30, 2010

::To every disadvantage there is a corresponding advantage.::

fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me... fool me thousand times after that? what does that make me?

i keep telling myself that last one will be the last time anybody will ever take advantage of me. and i've been telling myself that for as long as i can remember. it still sucks, and it still hurts.

sometimes i wish i had the balls (not literally though) to say no without feeling any remorse later on. sometimes i wish i can speak up without fear of retaliation. sometimes i wish that i didn't really care whether or not i'm stepping on someone else's toes. sometimes i wish i speak only for myself.

maybe i'm scared that i will be left alone. that nobody would stand by me and the things i said. or maybe i'm scared to show the bitter side of me. i don't like being mad or angry at someone either. but if push come to shove, you'll be sure to regret it. and ultimately i will too.

please ask somebody else to do your job. and don't think nice is all i can be.

ok chiow.

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Home, elusive home

>> October 15, 2010

::Home is where the heart is, so your real home's in your chest.::

Home, elusive home

apparently there's a lot of ppl out there who share the same sentiment as me. that's somewhat a relief.

putting off buying a home for a year would make the price goes up by at least RM100k. gilo apo kalau aku businessman pun belum tentu dpt kumpul duit sebanyak tu. apetah lagi makan gaji, yg bonus pun nan hado. face it: houses are priced ridiculously high. of course property owners are jumping on the bandwagon too. easy money meh. beli rumah 230k, tunggu setahun, jual 350k. so the rich is getting richer. the middle is getting poorer. the poor will always remain poor. mcm quantum leap punya graf (agaknya, apa aku mengarut ni).

whatever it is, yg aku hangin, ko letak la rumah harga 1M for a 2-sty terrace, still ada org beli huwaa crazy ppl. how can 1st-time employee ever be a 1st-time homeowner with 1st (basic) salary? nak beli rumah pun kena tgk area jugak. kalau sume org beli rumah yg 100km jauh dari tpt kerja, yg mmg kerja dekat tpt yg org 100km jauhnya beli rumah kat situ nak beli rumah kat mana pulak?

so don't blame me for not really caring about belanjawan. for me it only means one thing: you have to pay rm1 for what you paid rm0.70 before.

or maybe i'm just plain ignorant.

ok chiow.

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s-s-s-mokin'!

>> October 06, 2010

::Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.::

pagi tadi ada satu pakcik ni yg baru lepas turun dari komuter, nak berjalan ke tempat kerja, nyala rokok dia. mungkin sempat la kot sedut sekali, pastu time nak hayun tangan (which reminded me of a question asked by a radio dj a long time ago: kenapa org jalan hayun tangan? and a caller answered: sbb pakai baju and seluar.), rokok tu terlepas dari tangan dia. rokok tu pun jatuh atas jalan... lalu pakcik itu ambil balik rokok tu (by that time aku pun dah ke depan dari pakcik tu, ye la xkan aku nak stop sekali kot), dengar dia tiup "fuh! fuh!". bila sampai kat satu tempat yg aku boleh tgk reflection aku dan org2 belakang aku, aku tgk dia tgh hisap rokok.

tu dia aihhh rokok dah jatuh pun boleh kutip dan hisap balik tuu. heheh ye la kan sekarang rokok dah mahal, rugi sebatang, rugi +-50sen.

mungkin org boleh ckp lantak ah bukan duit ko pun (haha aku pun selalu gunakan ayat ni to justify buying out-of-ordinary things), but when it comes to smoking, it involves somebody else. be it the smoke that everybody around you inhales, the ozone thinning, the smell when you talk, etc., it always involves somebody else. so in a way that affected somebody else is entitled to say sth about that, right?

bapak aku dulu heavy smoker. tapi it never affected me since lahir2 je itu la bapak aku (and everything else that comes along with it). but after being away from him for a while (for me it's 2 years), i realized how 'different' a smoker is compared to a non-smoker. and how 'nice' a non-smoker's house is compared to a smoker's house (mak aku ckp kesan kotor kat dinding rumah tu akibat asap rokok... mungkin betul kot). tapi sekarang dah berhenti dah. i can't really say how quitting smoking can give benefit you (sbb kdg2 aku rasa bapak aku sama je mcm dulu), but it's comforting in a way to know that your dad didn't spend his money on cigarettes... baik la bawak gi jalan2 kan hehe.

anyway i... digress? more like babble.

ok chiow.

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right on!

>> September 21, 2010

::If people know where you are, they know where you're not.::

powerful words, they are.

as if the manual constant status updates aren't annoying enough.

be safe.

i have no idea why i wrote this. just 'inspired'@'awakened' by the quote is all.

ok chiow.

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pergi tak kembali

>> September 03, 2010

::Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Sebenarnya maut yang kamu melarikan diri daripadanya itu, tetaplah ia akan menemui kamu; kemudian kamu akan dikembalikan kepada Allah yang mengetahui segala yang ghaib dan yang nyata, lalu Ia memberitahu kepada kamu apa yang kamu telah lakukan (serta membalasnya)".::[Al-Jumu'ah: 8]

innalillahi wailaihi raaji'uun...

raya 2009

31 Ogos 2010: Atuk telah pergi menghadap ilahi...

atuk aku kena strok raya haji 2002 yg menyebabkan beliau lumpuh bhg kanan badannya. sejak drpd itu mmg atuk dah tak boleh berjalan dan tak boleh bercakap. tapi atuk tetap sporting. tiap2 raya mesti tetap bagi duit raya kpd cucu-cicitnya.

atuk yg aku ingat adalah seorg yg garang. kalau atuk dtg rumah kami dulu mmg mcm2 la kitorg kena marah, dgn mak2 aku sekali kena hehe. adik2 aku pernah kena marah sbb kencing dlm kolah mandi kitorg (tapi mmg sengal pun). aku pun pernah kena sindir yg pedas punya. masa aku mula2 pakai tudung kat luar, atuk ckp, "tudung tu jangan pakai je tapi sembahyang tinggal jugak." uu pedas siot.

tapi dlm garang2 tu, tetap pemurah. kalau aku dpt result ok, mesti bg duit punya. kalau aku cerita aku gi sana, buat ini, mesti respon atuk best, bukan takat respon yg ala2 je. siap boleh tanya2 lagi. mmg supportive la. balik kg mesti atuk x lupa masak kari kentang.

waktu atuk dimandikan, terasa sayu sgt, sbb mmg atuk dah literally tinggal tulang dan kulit je. bila tgk peha atuk yg kurus tu, mmg mengalir air mata. betapa seksanya terlantar atas katil bertahun2. mungkin kematian ini rahmat dan kelegaan baginya. bila dikafankan apetah lagi. setiap lapis kain tu selesai, semakin aku mengalirkan air mata. mcm air terjun. mungkin masa tu aku terbayangkan kematian yg bila2 masa boleh menjemput aku pulak. dan berdoa agar atuk bahagia di sana. isteri pak imam yang tolong mengkapankan atuk sempat berbisik, "Alhamdulillah murah rezeki dia ni." aku x sure kenapa, dgrnya sbb kain kapan tu mmg cukup2 utk atuk. tidak lebih, tidak kurang.

sampai hari ni aku masih terasa pemergian atuk. sedangkan aku cucu yg biasa2 shj ni pun terasa kehilangan, apetah lagi anak2 atuk sendiri, atau sedara2 yg lain yg selalu jumpa atuk hari2.

semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. al-fatihah.

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jackman mah man

>> August 27, 2010

jackman when's your next movie? haha mcm gi tgk pun.

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every man for himself

>> August 18, 2010

::Men of ill judgment oft ignore the good
That lies within their hands, till they have lost it.::

busynya rasa.

if patent applications (or the intensity/difficulty of patent applications) are depicted on the y-scale, and examiners' expertise on the x-scale, then you would see that y=x^2 [x: +ve integer]. masa tetap 24hrs je jugak (or rather 8 hours of work time).

gone were the days where you could achieve your target and still have 1 week to spare.

mcm mana nak dpt bonus ni?

mcm mana nak world class ni?

ok chiow.

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Why Forgive others during the Month of Holy Ramadhan?

>> August 12, 2010

a good article fwded by one of the kakak2. taken from http://www.playandlearn.org/reader.asp?Type=Ramadhan&fn=121

Why Forgive others during the Month of Holy Ramadhan?

Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: Musa (as), the son of Imran once asked, "Oh my Lord! Who is the most honourable of Your servants? And He replied, the person who forgives even when he is in a position of power."

Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) said: "Whoever wishes that Allah (SWT) may favor him with His blessings and accommodate him in Paradise should refine his morals, behave justly with the people, take pity on orphans, help weak and the helpless and be humble before Allah who has created him."

You know what I'm referring to - those times when you get into an arguments with a family member, friend, boss, employee, coworker, classmate, teacher or whoever. You know your facts are right or that you've been wronged with an insulting remark, sarcastic comment or rudeness.

And so, you choose to hold a grudge. After all, you've got a right to. Nobody should be treated this way. Why should you forgive? You're not the one who started this. You're not the one who doesn't have the facts straight.

True. You may be right. You may be in that position of power mentioned in the Hadith above. But forgiving others, apart from positively affecting our health (less stress) and our minds (one less negative thing to focus on), is a necessary step to closeness to Allah (SWT).

How can we move up the ladder of spiritual development when we hold bitterness and anger towards another person? While we may have been in the right, is it worth sacrificing our energy on a grudge instead of on growth?

Is there not something strange about asking for God's forgiveness of our sins while withholding our forgiveness from someone who has hurt us?

We cannot expect for Allah's forgiveness unless we also forgive those who do wrong to us. Forgiving each other, even forgiving one's enemies is one of the most important Islamic teachings. Allah (SWT) says in Holy Quran: And those who shun the great sins and indecencies, and whenever they are angry they forgive. (al-Shura 42:37)

One of the distinguishing features of Ramadhan is forgiveness. Holy Prophet Muhammad (saww) explained in one Hadith:

"Ramadhan is a month whose beginning is Mercy, whose middle is Forgiveness and whose end is freedom from the Hellfire".

This makes it a great time to ask Allah (SWT) for His Forgiveness. It's also a wonderful time to open our hearts and cleanse them of grudges and bitterness by forgiving others. Let us use these remaining days of forgiveness this Ramadhan to open our hearts to those who have wronged us and forgive them as we beg Allah (SWT) to forgive us. Please forgive me; if I have wronged you in anyway!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Ramadhan is a holy month indeed.

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take it seriously

>> August 11, 2010

::To be free of destructive stress don't sweat the small stuff and by realizing that all stuff is small.::

suddenly i have proof staring back at me that i'm under much stress: cold sores! (or at least what i thought they are)

what the hell time2 aku kena berjumpa dgn byk org la ko(rg) nak muncul kan. siot betul laa... dah la sakit / gatal / memalukan. quoting a website, "And you thought that zit was embarassing!"

mine's probably in stage 3. so according to the pic above, i'd most probably have to endure this for 11 freakin' more days... cis. dah la dah start gatal2 ni, makin byk je pulak aku rasa. waaaaaaa nak mc 2 minggu

lagi satu yg aku x puas hati, apehal cold sores' other name mcm STD? aku nak google pun cuak, takut org IT ingat aku surf apa je nnt.

well maybe whoever named the virus could foresee the pain and anguish the sufferer would suffer, since cold sores are result of stress, and their existence could also cause stress. like what i'm going thru right now.

benci aa. rasa nak pakai topeng mulut je masuk meeting esok.

oops tertekan 'enter' dgn nada marah.

ok chiow.

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have faith

>> August 10, 2010

::There are many roads to hate, but envy is the shortest of them all.::

i tried to post a new entry without looking at other ppl's entries... hmmph. ended up looking at a few fvf's blogs, before deciding on one topic. where's my muse when i need one?

which brings me to this: envy.

i sometimes envy ppl who have interesting, mention-worthy moments in their lives. or a mundane activity beautifully redefined by the wordings. do i feel motivated by their experience? hell yeah. but somehow it won't materialize. x cukup duit la, xde teman la, xde masa la.... mcm2 lagi la xde. a funny thing actually, considering everyone has 24 hours, and i happen to have one of those jobs where you can't bring your work home. sulit la katakan... so what's the holdup?

because somehow i think i always carry this some sort of burden around. it didn't matter much before, but eventually this burden is eating me inside out. so much i begin to blame everything on this so-called burden. when i have no other things to worry about, by default my mind would wander around this thing, weighing, arguing, agreeing, regretting, etc.

i know i make no sense, but i'm not in a position to reveal anything. too many uncertainties.

so now you know why i envy other ppl around me. because i'm sure they don't have to carry the same burden i do.

i'm just praying that everything will be alright. but even that i'm doing it halfheartedly, since there is no way everything's gonna be alright.

ramadhan mubarak.

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alhamdulillah

>> July 24, 2010

::Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.::

so finally the result's out. haha somehow aku rasa aku dpt markah kesian. hey as long as i'm graduating.

i've changed so much.

zaman sekolah rendah adalah zaman yg paling relaxing. aku ingat time exam aku selalu paling cepat siap, siap kena sound sbb kacau budak belakang aku. actually more like cuba borak2 dgn budak belakang aku. ye la, sapa tahan duduk diam je sementara nak tunggu masa tamat? haha and homework? kacang goreng. aku boleh balik sekolah terus buat hw, before mak aku balik aku dah boleh siap. and she got back home lunchtime.

and maths was my favorite subject. esp time kat jasin, cikgu aku (i think her name is pn zainon) jenis kasi soalan sampai beratus2 sehari. mmg xyah fikir aa jawab soalan maths. cuma time upsr aku slack siket salah satu soalan (mcm mana aku tau? lepas exam cikgu terus cek jawapan yg aku tanda dlm kertas biru tu). pastu bila balik rumah aku cerita kena marah dgn mak bapak aku pasal salah soalan tu. (baru2 ni aku baru dpt tau yg kawan aku time sekolah rendah dulu ingat bapak aku garang sbb diorg dpt tau aku kena marah sbb x dpt nombor satu). haha old times.

sekarang? xde dah nak fikir dpt betul sume ke x. lebih kepada fikir "kalau aku dpt ni 7 markah, aku kena dpt berapa markah ek utk soalan ni utk lulus?" or there are times i wished that everybody did not so great so the lecturers would 'turunkan graf' a bit.

it's normal then that even to this very day, i would look upon my results and sighed, "apsal laa aku xleh dpt 4.0 mcm diorg?" now i sound like i'm ungrateful. but i'm not. i'm really happy with my result. because i really2 thought i won't make it.

haha sore loser.

maybe deep down inside i know i could've done better. maybe i resent the fact that i'm settled for the bare minimum requirements of life.

oh sudah2 la tu. i should be happy, dpt merasa konvo kat msia pulak.

ok chiow.

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sensitive to the touch

>> July 15, 2010

::Fear is the darkroom where the Devil develops his negatives.::

there are times when i think i'm socially inept. err i know i'm socially inept. the thought that i know i'm socially inept makes me becoming more socially inept. sensitif sgt haha.

aku x berapa gemar orang tanya dalam nada negatif. haha aku pun x tau mcm mana nak ckp, tapi ada satu bentuk/jenis ayat/soalan ni yg implies, "why in the world would you [insert verb] that?"

haritu ada org tanya aku, "oo mmg sain ko mcm ni eh?" in my mind, it means, "you mean this stupid-looking signature is permanently and professionally yours?". bab2 ni yg aku rasa champion mmg mak aku la. esp time masak la kan. nnt kang ada je soalan, "awak tak letak [cili/bawang/kicap] eh?" in other words: "apakejadah masak x letak [cili/bawang/kicap]?" maybe it's just me. apa2 pun mmg aku sgt annoyed dgn soalan2 yg merendahkan kredibiliti aku ni. walaupun aku sememangnya layak ditegur. tu yg malas nak masak tu (hehe alasan).

tapi kalau mak aku buat mmg aku x kisah sgt, sbb well, she's my mother. she can say whatever she wants, and i still love her. TAPI bila org luar buat, mmg aku hangin. esp bila soalan2 tu diajukan utk benda2 yg x perlu nak dipersoalkan pun. mcm sain aku la. i mean, why do you care?

ceh aku rasa mcm byk lagi contoh2 lain yg org persoalkan, tapi tgh x ingat pulak.

kalau nak tanya pasal sain aku yg sgt pendek dan comel lote tu, you can ask like this: "eh eh comelnya sign! mmg dari dulu ke guna sign tu?" or kalau pasal masakan, "kenapa x letak lebih [cili/bawang/kicap]?" it gives off a positive / suggestive mood to the question, instead of making it a sarcastic, degrading remark.

it's not the subject matter that i'm annoyed about; it's the wordings, how you approach the subject that annoys me. or maybe it's the person who says it. haha selective betul. so if i ever suddenly become defensive, you know you've hit my sensitive spot.

err is that allowed?

ok chiow.

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it's all in the genes

>> July 13, 2010

Mak : Offside tu ape bang?
Abah : Ish awak ni..dah brape tahun dah explain x faham2 jugak. Rafiq tolong explain kat mak jap.
Me : Camni mak, (pause the football match) bila orang ni pass..member dia ni xleh ade kt belakang last defender of the opposition team, cam xleh curi ayam la. Ah tgk tu (play the match back) linesman angkat bendera meaning member dia tu offside.
Mak : Oh so goal spain smlm offside la?
Me: eh taaaaaaak, sebab time num 10 (fabregas) tu pass kt mamat tu, cun2 kaki dia xlepas kaki last defender tu.
Mak : Ooooooooooooohhhhhhh~
Abah : ooo tu faham x?
Mak : tak
Me & Abah : ..................................................


taken from my bro's tumblr.

mak yang kelakar. err more like mula2 dgr annoying tapi bila fikir balik kelakar (selamba je kata mak annoying).

another anecdote:

abang: mak kita dpt kerja kat technology park.
mak: ee toksah la amik kerja tu.
abang: laa apsal? mak x dgr apa pun lagi.
mak: nnt dia cepat tutup.
aku: apsal nak tutup lak? mak pernah dgr ke pasal technology park tu?
mak: mcm theme park theme park tu kan.

yeah you must have confidence to be a mother. kdg2 aku terfikir gak, apa2 yg mak aku ckp before this, are those based on facts or 'motherly instinct'?

ok chiow.

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how normal is normal

>> July 05, 2010

frankly i'm tired of guessing the motive behind whatever you do, because there shouldn't be any.

and somewhat pathetic that the more i think of what you've done, the less i think of me. of what i could become.

i can almost imagine people laughing at us behind our backs. all because of you.

if only leaving is an option.

wonder how long we can continue with this farce. and what will happen once it ends.

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woohoo

>> July 01, 2010

::Every advantage in the past is judged in the light of the final issue.::

akhirnya!

walaupun aku masih cuak takut kena reseat some of the papers, at least the deed is done. it just makes me questioning the very purpose of staying in this line of work. jawab exam pun terkial2, heheh. well it's not like you have to prepare a licensing agreement (not just this is an agreement between so and so witnesseth that bla bla bla okay, i'm talking about the clauses on license of rights, royalty payment, dispute settlement, the whole nine yards) within one hour when you work in the field, right? meh, dah lepas.

looking fwd to spending my weekend the proper way. lama x tgk hindustan hehe.

tapi serious aa, mmg terasa lapang bila habis exam tu. selalu kalau aku balik kerja pun, kat rumah nnt mesti terfikir2 assignment apa yg x buat lagi, apa point nak letak dlm presentation, etc. walaupun sumenya selalu dlm otak je n the night before the class baru aku tercongok depan pc, the point is i always think about it. sekarang aku balik rumah mcm xde benda nak fikir (ok exaggerate). ada, tapi xde la meresahkan sgt (apsal pelik penggunaan 'resah' itu?)

anyway impian utk menghabiskan x360 games hanyalah tinggal impian. x360 abg aku rosak beyond repair. cis cun2 lak tu timing. hopefully abang aku akan beli x360 yg baru. tak pun aku masuk pertandingan mana2 pastu menang dpt xbox360 hehe.

speaking of which, aku masih dalam dilema, sama ada nak masuk yoonit trust (haha a lame attempt to block unwanted comments/hits) atau tidak. ada org kata bagus, ada kata x. ada org kata peluang keemasan, ada kata daylight robbery. masa makin berjalan tick tock tick tock. aduii apsal la aku x ada suami yg kaya-raya. ke akukah yg tidak bersyukur? ke those are two separate issues altogether?

ada org dah cop aku jadik housemate "kalau kita idop sorang2". sedih gila ayat. i highly doubt that though. err more like 'i hope not'.

aku prefer cerita cougartown dari glee. lagu2 dlm glee sedap tapi. and i never watch desperate housewives. or how i met your mother, or gossip girl. well i did watch gg once, and i was like, wth cerita pasal kawan makan kawan buat clique pastu buruk2kan each other anak orang kaya. ke sbb satu ep je heheh. and, x hensem pun hero2 dlm tu. setakat rahang tajam je. my alltime favs: csi + house (sekarang +ncis:la, castle, leverage dgn ada lagi satu yg jadik doktor kat kawasan elite duduk kat guesthouse boris, lupa nama). sign of aging?

ok chiow.

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waka wakaka

>> June 24, 2010

::If this business were split up, I would give you the land and bricks and mortar, and I would take the brands and trade marks, and I would fare better than you.::

aaaaaaa cepatlaaaa

i cannot bear this torture anymore
yet i'm not ready for the showdown
end this! but don't end this!
my mind is torn~

my eyes! my eyes!
redness is all i can see
squint is all i can do
what to do? been starin' too long at the pc

never thought time flew by so quickly
gone were the 'i'll do better next sem, i promise i'll be''
would i ever go through it again? sorry
full time maybe, but no more 'weekends only'
time for vuvuzela, no wait, jabulani

ah crap.

baru teringat ada lagi satu assignment.

ok chiow.

and seriously, wish me luck.

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some have it easy

>> June 07, 2010

::Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.::

katakanlah di suatu petang aku mahu pulang ke rumah. tunggu punya tunggu, komuter pun sampai. masuk ke ladies' coach, tgk byk lagi seat kosong.

satu row dia punya susunan mcm nih:

O_ _ O (O menandakan ada makcik)

i'd have to be a moron to not choose a seat. 45 mins tu nak balik, sengal la kan nak diri the whole way. the issue: seat yg mana?

mmg senang la kalau susunan yg ada mcm nih:

O _ _ _ O

obviously i'd choose the middle one. tapi kalau mcm yg atas tu, aku kena fikir nak duduk sebelah makcik yg mana satu. antara yg difikirkan:

-makcik yg mana yg busybody?
-makcik yg mana yg xkan terfikir apa2 kalau aku duduk sebelah the other makcik?
-makcik yg mana yg x go beyond the seat limit?
-makcik yg mana yg x kisah kalau aku terlentok kalau tido?
-aku selalu kalau tido, kepala lentok belah mana?

and you have to decide ASAP, kalau x mcm x betul je stare kat seats lama2 tapi x duduk2 jugak. silap2 org lain yg penuhkan sume heheh.

i'm not born great, and i don't have greatness thrust upon me. i'm just lucky to be alive.

ok chiow.

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hidden agenda

>> May 29, 2010

::I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.::


the thing i noticed about my father: everybody from kangar is most probably his relatives. i gave up long ago trying to figure out the branches forming the family tree, or finding the answer to why i have 2 pak longs from my father's side. and that's just paklong. just two words from my father: "sedara abah" and you're guaranteed a family treatment from us (or at least fr my parents laa, aku nak warm up to strangers ni makan berhari2). no questions asked.

so ada la satu mlm ni ada sedara aku nak dtg. aku rasa bapak aku ada explain how they're related, but somehow it's too complicated for me. mak aku ada ckp dulu dia dtg jual ubat apetah. pelik gak, apsal aku x tau pun kewujudan sedara yg satu ini. even parents aku pun x sure dia dah kawin lain ke, cerai pastu kawin lain ke, etc.

bila jumpa ni semangat la bapak aku nak bukak cite lama kan, tapi makcik ni mcm asyik nak cite pengalaman dia accident. i was like, you're visiting my father, and you're telling us your story? assuming she heard about my father's bypass surgery lah kan. even masa bapak aku semangat cite pasal adik aku keluar magazine, masuk tv sume, dia akan cerita balik pasal pengalamannya itu. hmmm fishy.

thennn the moment came. the moment when she said she drank sth and gradually she felt better. not, not sth. straight to the point she mentioned the name/brand of the drink. somehow aku rasa weird bila org sebut sesuatu yg jarang digunakan dlm perbualan, like "lepas tu saya pun hari2 la minum XXXX nih. asal pagi je minum XXXX. untung jugak ada XXXX". unless it's a hugely popular brand la, mcm milo, maggi, pampers. etc. then and there i knew she was up to sth. and i'm 99% sure knowing my ever so considerate parents would fall for this.

surely enough, esok paginya aku nampak tin minuman tu atas meja. bila tanya2, siap jadik downline sekali.

i'm not sure what pisses me off more: the fact that seorg sedara yg jarang gila nampak muka sanggup jumpa semata2 nak tambah rezeki dia, or the fact that aku pernah cuba utk pujuk mak aku beli benda yg sama tapi dgn mudahnya mak aku menolak dgn alasan benda tu mungkin tipu, tapi dgn makcik ni xde tunjuk bukti apa pun boleh bayar.

tgk je la nnt, lagi 2-3 tahun dia akan call ckp nak jumpa, bawak benda lain pulak.

man i have issues.

ok chiow.

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no man's land

>> May 20, 2010

::When men are scared of a woman, they always accuse her of being mannish.::
yeah finally. you have no idea how refreshing it is to not have to smell other people's sweat early in the morning. or how carefree you feel when you don't have to worry that much about who's standing next to you or who's behind you.

tapi still ada jugak yg mmg x faham bahasa. literally. well either that or diorg mmg ignorant gila. pastu terpaksa la yg prihatin tegur diorg suh pindah ke koc lain. nak suh cat koc tu kaler pink ke baru nampak... apetah. belum campur yg menggatal nak duk gak dgn budak2 pompuan pastu buat kecoh konon bagus.

haritu ada this african-american guy mengamuk pasal ada sorg pompuan tu asyik tunjuk2 kat dia. sampai mencarut2 marahkan pompuan tu. antara yg dia ckp, "why do you keep pointing at me? that's rude, you know. is it because i'm black?" pdhal minah tu bengang kat dia sbb dia duduk kat ladies' coach je. allo, kalau nak rasa racial discrimination gi US la wei. mcm bagus je jerit2 kat pompuan. pastu ckp sign utk ladies tu xde. ko pakai spek itam dlm tren, mmg le x nampak. err tapi aku pun x perasan sgt la sejauh mana pompuan tu buat sampai mamat tu terasa kan. apa2 pun, kalau dia x masuk koc tu and patuh arahan, xde problem punya.


taken from the website:

10. Apakah yang boleh dilakukan jika terdapat penumpang lelaki menaiki Koc Wanita ini?
Kerjasama semua pihak amat kami perlukan. Dengan cara yang berhemah, anda perlu memaklumkan dan meminta penumpang lelaki tersebut menaiki koc biasa.
Jika pintu tren telah tertutup dan tren bergerak, penumpang lelaki tersebut boleh turun dan berpindah ke koc biasa di stesen berikutnya.

---------------

bersama2lah kita kaum hawa menegur yg x sepatutnya berada kat situ... haha

ok chiow.

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comeuppance

>> May 10, 2010

::Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.::

ever heard of the songs often played at rtm back in the days? "jangan-jangan terlalu suka, suka-suka akibatnya duka." i always thought that as nonsense, i mean how can being overly happy/+ve about something can bring you down?

but now i'm feeling it. and it sucks.

last week i was in a relatively good mood (most probably because ip day is over), having laughs with other ppl. even kalau duk sorg2 pun i'd be amused by little things. sampaikan terfikir jugak, apsal aku happy semcm ni? ada apa2 ke?

and then monday came.

nothing happened really, but somehow all my -ve thoughts about everything suddenly decided to manifest themselves. sume benda aku tgk akan membuatkan aku rasa bengang. tiba2 aku rasa x puas hati dgn semua orang. ditambah pulak dgn kesilapan2 yg aku sendiri buat yg mungkin menyusahkan org lain... aa tension betul.

maybe the song is true.

ok chiow.

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oh man oh man oh man

>> May 08, 2010

ingatkan nak tunggu sampai my days as the ip day secretariat are over baru nak berkecimpung kembali di sini, tapi mcm lambat lagi je. and this is so worth it i can hardly wait.

back in 2005/06, there's this game called indigo prophecy. it's truly one of a kind, at least back then and at least for me. it's like being in a movie, where you played the hero/psycho in search of the truth. the gameplay was intense, ada certain times mmg x sempat nak digest what's happening sbb nak figure out how to control the character. mmg time aku main adik aku jerit2 bg sokongan moral, time dia main aku pulak jerit2 bg sokongan moral. walaupun the ending was a bit blergh, but the joy n thrill i felt throughout was ish x tau nak kata. maybe by now there's hundreds of games using the same MO, engine, storyline, etc. but like ppl said, the 1st cut is the deepest hehe.

now since there's no more new games for xbox, let's just say the one we have here (which btw was my older bros' before he bought the awesome x360) is just sitting there collecting fur and dust. boleh je main balik kan, tapi bila dah main x360, pastu nak main balik xbox mcm... buruk gila gambar (haha lupa daratan betul). pulak tu x syok aa main game yg dah dihabiskan. itu pun aku ada buat dah masa cuti kejap dulu.

anyway just now i saw in the paper a review on the game heavy rain. bila baca quantic dream, aku dah terfikir dah, apsal mcm familiar je nama tu. baca siket lagi, rupa2nya quantic dream is the maker of indigo prophecy, and heavy rain is their latest game! i don't need to read beyond the quote/snippet (where they usually put it in a bigger font than the rest) to know that this game is awesomeeee. cuma satu je problem: it's being released for PS3. only. ceh kalau ada utk x360 boleh gak aku tumpang kat abang aku je.

sekarang ni aku tgh rasa a bit off sbb i'm dying to know what the game offers, tapi aku takut kalau aku baca aku jadi sedih sbb xleh nak main sekarang. and obviously to play it, i have to buy ps3 1st. tapi mahal laa mana nak mampu nak beli. err actually rasa mampu je nak beli, tapi nnt takut menyesal habiskan byk duit utk benda lagha. tapi nak mainn... tgk dah tertekan dah ni.

i seriously need to reevaluate my wants and needs.

but 1st, finish my final sem 1st. and with flying colors kalau boleh. x dpt scroll kang naya je.

ops almost forgot. induksi is around the corner woohoo! alhamdulillah moga2 x ditangguh lagi. tapi nak exam tu yg payah tu. semoga dpt sah cepat amiin.

ok chiow.

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all that jazz

>> April 11, 2010

::No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be. . ..::


still alive and kicking. although i've been more alive than kicking. heck i don't even remember when was the last time i lift my foot for purposes other than the usual (walking, amik wudhu', nak tido, etc.) hmm and i'm pretty sure by alive, i mean still breathing. lively? err...

oh life's hectic, i tell you. it's just that i can't really give the reason for that. mcm busy doing nothing. erk tapi mcm terlalu drastik la pulak kan. sebenarnya aku rasa aku busy buat benda yg sepatutnya boleh settle at one go. mcm main cawan besar kat theme park la lebih kurang. ko semangat nak pusingkan steering nak kasi cawan tu pusing laju2, tapi all that it could do is rotates faster. and ko sendiri akan rasa pening nak muntah.

i seriously could not understand why people who already know what they want would wait for others to voice out their opinions first, than after all that effort these ppl would go, "actually it could've been better if we do it like this or that bla bla bla." dude, if you think on the get-go that you are more superior than others, by all means go ahead. voice it out. no point of saying, "i have pretty much the idea of what we could do about it, but let's see what others would do first." kalau setakat biar 2-3 jam ok la lagi, ni dah semangat prepare segala, baru nak kondem. aiyoo ever heard that time is money? we're not in high schools or univs anymore laa. i wonder if they really have anything on their mind though. i mean, they could've just improvised on whatever's presented and made it as though it was their original idea all along.

another thing. protocols. sometimes i do agree that protocols differentiate the civilized than the rest, but please do away with the ridiculous ones. example: answer the question if and only if you're the one being asked. so if A asks B sth that B might have some trouble answering, and C who's next to B is the expert, shouldn't at least C be given the chance to explain? and even if there's no chance given, is it wrong for C to answer it on behalf of B? or does it have sth to do with the job hierarchy and whatnot? mcm mana A and B nak maju kalau dua2 pun biar je soalan tersebut tidak berjawab / diberikan jawapan yg salah?

maybe i'm too young / immature or too idealistic for stuffs like this. maybe these nonsensical norms are necessary to preserve humanity, public order, peace, whatever. or maybe that's how things are.

if i ever reached the higher part of the hierarchy, i wonder if i would do the same things i don't agree with at the moment. hmm too early to tell.

ok chiow.

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do or die

>> March 09, 2010

::It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.::

as much as i hate to admit it, i crack under pressure. dump everything on my shoulder, and i would turn into a grumpy 80-
-------------------------
i don't remember when i wrote that. a week ago? last monday?

i do have a lot of stuffs worth writing about on my mind. but most of them are just rants. and some of them are just too specific anybody would've guessed what/who i'm writing about. bahaya woo kena saman kang heheh.

i once complained: "eee x acinya...". my friend then corrected me: "dunia / manusia mmg x pernah adil. Allah je yg Maha Adil." oh betapa betulnya pernyataan itu. even so i still want to complain. apsal laaa wujud ketidakadilan di dunia yg fana ini?

XPSP3 is still under 'verifying the download' status. wha? dah balik makan pun still x abis2 lagi? or should i cancel n restart? ---> ni case tiba2 pc crashed when i was busy being a hotel mogul. prevention is better than cure

when i started this job i was told that we have certain 'specialties' that we won't find anywhere else. hmm let's see:

i) a workstation of our own: check. but i think everyone of my qualifications is entitled to that. ok laa kira advantage jugak la sbb printer telefon pc sorang satu. come to think of it, we should get a room of our own. but hey, who's listening?
ii) nobody would bother us without reason since even the nature of our job doesn't require us to meet other ppl: pffft yeah right.
iii) no lobbying, fighting, etc because this is one of the "kenaikan tanpa kekosongan" job. pffft. enough said.

so why am i still here? call me delusional, but i still think there's gold at the end of the rainbow. still waiting for the sun to shine though.

plus kena bond lima tahun pun, hehe.

ok chiow.

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[...]

>> March 05, 2010

::Absence makes the heart grow fonder.::

so my dad finally got out of ijn after 2 weeks. his advice: if you have to choose between lifelong meds and bypass, choose bypass. ntah la mungkin dia rasa brand new ke x tau la tu. n baru je beberapa hari duk rumah kan, ntah2 lepas ni tiba2 depressed ke. too early to tell. tapi mungkin sbb bapak aku dah x tahan makan ubat lagi byk dari makan nasi.

anyway not everything's going on smoothly. for a diabetic to take good care of >1m of surgery scars (boleh panggil stitches lagi ke? xde jahit2 pun) is not an easy task. ni pun mak aku ckp parut kat dada tu ada nanah. kena gi klinik nak tukar dressing selalu. aaa ngeri siot.

bapak aku ckp before masuk OT tu, doc suh decide nak amik urat kaki mana. so he chose his left leg. sekali bila dah selesai tu, kitorg tgk bukan takat dua2 belah kaki ada belah, kat lutut pun ada sekali. since xde org bgtau apa2 (n kitorg pun x tanya apa2), kitorg assume oo maybe sbb ada 3 blockages, so kena amik 3 urat.

alih2 sehari before bapak aku keluar, doc bgtau yg sebenarnya urat yg dipakai kat kaki kanan tu je. sbbnya mula2 belah kaki kiri, tgk urat terlalu halus. then belah kat lutut pun, terlalu halus jugak. tu last2 amik kaki kanan tu. last2 berparut semua kaki. nasib pulak kena yg mmg ada kencing manis. tu yg lama duk kat ijn tu, nak tunggu sugar level turun. heh nak turun mcm mana, asal kitorg nak dtg visit je pesan mi rebus la, laksa la, chicken chop la, bihun goreng basah la, nasi ayam hainan la.

anyhoo, ckp pasal urat halus ni, aku rasa mmg genetik jugak la kot. teringat aku dulu konon2 nak gi derma darah kan, after years of trying asyik xleh je sbb kurang iodin (nak cari / masak / makan ayam@daging time tu pun susah), finally masa final year iodine level ok. uu gembira la sekejap.

tapi x lama. bila nurse cucuk jarum, tgk2 darah x keluar. aku x tau la salah ingat ke apa, tapi jarum tu besar, mcm audio plug. boleh pulak bila x jumpa tu, dia mcm pusing2kan jarum tu (while the jarum is still under my skin). time ni aku ok lagi, tapi mmg sakit x terkata la. siap tutup mata dgn tangan lagi, a failed attempt to counter the pain haha. lepas tu nurse tu ckp sbb darah x keluar tu, dia nak try the other arm. still the same thing happened. ya Allah seriously sakit sgt, tak pernah seingat aku sakit mcm tu. bila nurse tu tanya, "are u alright?" mungkin sbb dah x tertahan (or terharu dgn nurse yg concerned itu), apa lagi mengalir la air mata. sambil berair mata tu aku ckp, "it h-hurts." <--- nak menggambarkan betapa sakitnya aku time tu. haha x ingat pun ada gagap2 ke x.

nurse tu pun agaknya dah menggelabah bila aku dah nangis tu, dia pun terus x jadi amik darah. aku pun x berapa ingat sgt apa jadi lepas tu. yg pastinya aku dpt 1 big choc chip cookie. (somehow i think that was the main reason i wanted to donate blood in the 1st place).

ah, berjaya jugak jumpa gambar jarum tu. proof that i'm not bluffing:
x ke rupa audio plug tu?

and sampai sekarang aku still takut nak derma darah lagi. x sure takut darah x keluar lagi ke, ataupun takut ternangis depan org ramai. social suicide tu oi.

ok chiow.

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subsidi dan sasbadi

>> February 18, 2010

::After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done.::

mau isi minyak pun payah... apa daa. excerpt:

"He anticipated that it would take a longer time to process transactions as biometrics would be used to verify the vehicle owner’s identity through thumbprint scanning and this could lead to possible congestion at the petrol stations." Read more

i'm not sure this 'revolutionary' approach would sit well with me, with all those biometrics, rfids, documentations and whatnot. ppl seem to be forgetting that time is of the essence in everyday life. nak kena beratur LAGI LAMA dari sekarang nih? surely it's not a one-time registration for all car owners, since the main objective is to provide the subsidies to those who deserve it. on who deserves it though, i still have no idea.

another thing, i'm biometrically-challenged! i mean as far as fingerprints/palmprints is concerned anyway. having super-smooth (plus sweaty and cold) fingertips have never been easy, ditambah pulak bila lagi ramai org tgh tunggu turn, pastu nnt bila diorg pun pelik apsal aku lama sgt nak scan thumbprint etc, lagi la payah. and i'm sure there's hundreds out there who have similar problems, so imagine if we were to gather / register at one petrol station. berjanggut la org lain tunggu... haha lantak aa korang.

well you know what they say, alah bisa tegal biasa. pfft yeah right.

speaking of which, my cousin's daughter is planning to quit from an sbp early next month (no it's not tkc ;p). reason: x tahan kena buli. err susah gak nak komen, sbb aku x ingat aku pernah disuruh buat apa by those seniors. setakat belikan makanan kat kantin tu normal la tu. n serve utk seniors. eh ada ke? ke tu recollections from other seniors?

aku x sure sgt apa yg anak cousin aku tu kena sampai nak quit, tapi dia ada cerita yg kawan2 dia kena banned fr entering the dining hall for one whole day, ironkan baju, kasik laluan pd seniors utk amik makanan dulu, kena lecture, etc. hmmm mungkin budak2 sekarang makin byk lemak. baik juniors mahupun seniors.

there is this theory that disbbkan seniors x ragging juniors, bila juniors tu jadik seniors, diorg akan ragging juniors gila2 punya. sbbnya diorg x tau the extent of the raggings. wah x tau pulak aku boleh saiko mcm tu sekali kan, tapi yg aku ingat kitorg xde la kena teruk time junior, pastu bila kitorg jadik seniors xde pulak kitorg lupa diri ke daratan ke sume tu. aku pun x pernah kena suruh basuhkan baju org, n x pernah pun suruh org basuh baju aku. tapi bagi aku, seniors deserve a little bit of respect fr the juniors. how they instill it, well that's another story. a little respect goes a long way. and on how to get by all those seniority-basis stuffs, observe, analyze and take action. cth: turun makan awal (haha mcm org gila okay nak kejar chicken-day wednesdays), makan siket supaya cepat habis, basuh baju pagi2 buta before org lain bangun, mandi sebelum subuh, etc.

haha tiba2 teringat masa interview dulu panel tu tanya patut ke senior buli junior? aku x ingat la apa point aku, tapi mmg aku jawab perlu. haha siot mungkin sbb tu aku x dpt job tersebut. mmg nampak muka interviewer tu berubah bila aku ckp perlu. ala as if aku ada buli org pun sekarang nih. bahaya jujur all the way ni... so sgtlah x boleh jadi politician heheh.

p/s: aku x suka sgt buku sasbadi dulu. harap tebal je lebih, isi tah hapa2.

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kid me

>> February 17, 2010

grade is just a letter.
grade is just a letter.
grade is just a letter.

GPAs are just numbers.
GPAs are just numbers.
GPAs are just numbers.

now i'm seriously worried about the coming semester. and seriously believing that a particular someone is out there trying to get (read: fail) me. 2 courses already. payback for dozing off? huwaa kejam sekali.

3rd time's (@ semester's) a charm? hope so.

and i am entitled to live in denial once in a while, so leave me be.

congrats to those who passed with flying colors. jeles la ni... sob sob

ok chiow.

p/s: bapak aku masuk ijn hari ni. please pray for him and for us

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penang trip - part IV

>> February 08, 2010

selepas mencuci mata di street market (pasar jalan? pasar lorong? pasar laluan?) sambil membeli beberapa barangan yg mungkin sukar didapati di tpt2 lain (clue: taylor swift), rasanya dah kul 12 lebih baru sampai hotel balik. pastu sume pasang niat nak bangun awal, nak bercanda di pasiran pantai, except for sedah yg siap sound, "korang nak bangun bangun la, jgn kejut aku okay." oo lupa nak bgtau, kitorg dpt connecting room! bestnya rasa mcm dpt satu bilik yg besar.

pemandangan balcony kami dari balcony farah/eyan

tapi as usual, terlajak. sume pun bukan main kunci jam awal2, last2 sedah je yg dgr haha. itu pun berusaha la nak ajak sume turun. ye la, aku dgn eyan semangat beli seluar/tshirt, sbb x bawak spare. rugi laa x guna kan. tapi setelah bercalling2 dgn other rooms, diorg sume nak gi bfast dulu. apa lagi melantak la kami dulu (oh sungguh buruk bunyinya.. melantak).

gambar melantak... NOT! ni gambar posing selepas habis melantak

after makan, beach time bebeh! the hotel provides a private guest-only beach, n pagi2 tu boleh katakan kitorg la majority. apa lagi bergambaq laa


percubaan buat love... 1st try terus (boleh tahan) berjaya hehe

sebut ramai2: buaya biawak buaya biawak...

lepas dah puas bercanda-candaan, sume pakat balik bilik, nak checkout. plan nak singgah another must-try, nasi kandaq. kasik can eyan drive. again nak kena pergi based on directions fr nirma. haha tapi ni mmg aku yg bersalah laa.. aku rasa aku faham direction (nirma kept on stressing "ko masuk simpang, nnt gurney plaza belah kanan, laut belah kiri.. pastu nampak gurney hotel") tapi somehow bila dlm keta tu aku mcm blur mcmmana nak sampai ke gurney belah kanan laut belah kiri tu. err in my defense, lagi senang kalau bgtau nama kedai makan tu (kapitan's, btw) or that it's situated in the gurney tower building. mmg susah la kan, xleh nak guna garmin whatsoever kalau xde nama kedai. haha tapi mmg lawak laa nampak g hotel terus "haa ni la gurney hotel tu! dah tukar nama kot!" confidence is a must.

nasi briyani @ kapitan's. sedap kot, sampai diorg sume tapau bawak balik

after nasi kandaq, we made another pit-stop: chendol! a famous cendol street (i assume, since ada at least 2 cendol stalls kat jalan yg sama... opposite each other lagi) kat lebuh keng kwee. aku kurang gemar makan chendol, so aku order ais kacang. dua2 sama harga: rm1.90. it was only rm1.60 in 2008! ada org siap buat spekulasi lagi yg sebenarnya dua2 stalls tu owned by the same person, sbb setting sume sama. tapi sapetah komen yg lagi satu punya tu mcm santan x berapa pekat? sth like that.

boleh tgh syok2 makan, tiba2 dtg kirah n the gang! small world, small world. diorg pun sama nak enjoy makan chendol gak. so last2 camwhoring kat lebuh keng kwee tu.


lepas itu kami pun beransur pulang... sume pun sendiri2 je, x larat laa nak berkonvoi whatsoever. sempat lepak makan laksa kuala kat kuala kangsar, sempat gak bergambar dekat emsikeke (haha cubaan utk mengelak org google jumpa site ni), dan juga menabur kata nista terhadap sekolah tersebut. jeles sebenarnya, sekolah diorg very the english looking, dgn big tree la big clock la apa lagi big la. well actually kitorg x bergambar dgn sekolah itu, tapi ada satu spot yg menarik. sempat gak usha buku panduan mengajar sedah! aa comel gila tgk syllabus: mengajar murid2 cara2 menggunakan gunting dan aktiviti menggunting. okay i made the words up, tapi basically that's what she was supposed to do. amazingly tulisan sedah masih tulisan kolej. it takes one to know one...

pastu perjalanan balik mmg mcm biasa je... except we bumped into niza (yg x dpt join kitorg berhuhahuha sbb kena balik kampung in-laws). jumpa pun secara x sengaja, farah yg tgh syok2 drive tiba ckp, "eh apsal aku mcm kenal keta depan ni?" "omg ada sticker!" "ha'ah la nombor familiar laa... haritu ada nampak kat rumah tasnim." tgk2 niza... haha konon2 nak mms aa gambar keta dia dari belakang. tapi last2 x jadi. so kitorg ala2 mengekori keta dia sampai la laki dia masuk lane kiri balik. then terus kitorg potong sambil hon2 haha bengong. mesti laki dia bengang je sapa laa yg duk cucuk dari tadi. xde la cucuk sangat, tapi kalau dah bawak kat lane kanan je... hehe peace.

all in all, syiok! i could go on and on about how time passes and we're still the same person inside yada3, but words won't do them justice. they are truly amazing girls. we can not meet for 10 years and still act like we've been together all these while. or maybe i'm just too attached to them haha.

just one advice though: you haven't met them all until you've seen penang drivers. or until you drove around penang. aku rasa kitorg berempat sume ada menyumpah seseorang di penang.

ok chiow.

Read more...

penang trip - part III

>> February 05, 2010

kat padang kota boleh katakan tercapai gak impian dari 2 yrs ago (that long? erk). again dgn bantuan garmin farah yg awesome berjaya sampai dgn selamat. haha agak malu la, terpaksa mintak tlg farah (ke eyan? lupa dah) sideparked my car, sbb aku akan amik masa yg lama utk berbuat demikian. that's what friends are for anyways, right? hehe.

medan selera padang kota terbahagi 2; front part (yg org akan nampak dulu from main road) is the chinese-populated food court; belakangnya baru malay-/muslim-populated one. sampai2 je sume berebut panggil kitorg suh duduk tpt diorg. agak confuse mula2, selalunya kalau dah duduk kat satu2 tpt tu, kat kedai tu je kita boleh order dgn. tapi sume pun specialty shops, mati la kalau makan je x minum air kan. hehe nasib baik boleh je duduk mana2. dah duduk tu, sume pakat berebut2 suh order dari diorg. mmg mcm x sempat fikir. time farah dgn eyan gi pilih pasemboq (RM21), aku dgn sedah terkulat2 fikir nak order apa. last2 aku order laksa, sedah order sotong kangkung (RM12) n orderkan sekali kerang bakar (RM10).

tips: bila order jgn ckp e.g. sotong kangkung 1, better ckp sotong kangkung utk sorang makan... somehow 1 = 1 set utk 3-4 org, so imagine berapa byk kitorg 'kena' makan... wuargh

one word: de-freakin'-licious! ataupun kitorg mmg tgh lapar (mungkin x berapa kenyang makan kat rumah tasnim, plus byk sgt hidu air laut). pasemboq (err ejaan bakunya pasembur @ pasembor?) sedap, sotong kangkung sedap, laksa sedap, kerang bakar pun sedap. dah la dah mmg janji nak makan dgn rest of the girls malam tu dekat batu feringghi. mmg last2 tu agak terseksa laa nak habiskan. esp sotong bakar yg byk itu. mula2 ingat x habis, so mcm plan nak bawak balik, boleh la makan malamnya ke. sekali sapetah (rasanya farah) bg cadangan lumba kopek kerang. dah la sepatutnya antara sedah dgn farah je, tapi last2 empat2 lumba sekali. haha mungkin kitorg ni mmg attract attention gak kot, sbb terdgr salah sorang abang tukang jual tu sound, "mcm budak2." like we care hehhe. last2 sedah menang, ada la 20+. farah pun 20+, tapi kurang satu. aku dgn eyan bukak belas2 je. last2 licin gak sume. jolappp

pastu nak cari jalan ke kedai makan tpt kami sume janji nak jumpa. mula2 tu diorg dah bg direction, kat batu feringghi, dekat2 dgn holiday inn / holiday villa yg aku pernah duduk 2 yrs ago. i was like, aa tau hotel tu. boleh la cari. tapi mcm manetah lepas lalu laluan berliku2, tu, diorg call ckp tpt tu dekat dgr shangri-la. mmg confuse la, sbb shangri-la tu mcm 1st hotel lepas jalan simpang-siur tu. siap u-turn lalu balik situ sume. bila call balik, rupa2nya kedai tu dia punya entrance in-between kedai2 pasar mlm yg byk gila org jual dvd,cd,souvenirs tu. hehe aku rasa kalau ckp je dekat pasar tu, mmg senang nak cari. ataupun mmg aku yg payah no nak faham direction (aku rasa reason yg ni, sbb the next makan2 mmg i'm totally to be blamed aa haha).


pic courtesy of kirah. katanya ada 28 org. pening siut borak sana borak sini haha

aku sampai sekarang x tau tpt makan ni nama apa. yg aku tau kat pintu gerbang dia ada tulis tiger tiger tiger. haha ok laa makanan dia. mcm berderet stalls kat situ. shosh siap tunjuk kedai2 mana yg halal mana yg x. penuh orang x hingat... tapi time ni aku masih kenyang, so selera agak terbantut.

last part coming up!


Read more...

penang trip - part II

>> February 02, 2010

heheh ingatkan nak buh gambar2 fr the trip, tapi mcm lama lagi je nak tunggu. kat fb ada, tapi res x berapa best + kalau kat ofis mmg x dpt nak jenguk pun fb... so bacalah. pics will be inserted fr time to time. jika rajin.

sampai2 kepala batas, jam jugak. sbb kena lalu depan sekolah, and ada sekolah ganti. uu padan aa parents byk ada short fuse je. aku yg nak passed through pun rasa nak garit je kereta lain, apetah lagi yg nak jemput hantar anak. boleh menguji kesabaran yg amat.

around 2pm, sampai rumah tasnim. mmg dah bersanding tepung tawar sume dah rasanya... sampai2 nampak a few of our friends tgh makan. tanya mana lain? tgh amik gambar. apa lagi, kitorg dgn semangatnya terus menonong ke pelamin nak bergambar. haha belum sempat duduk lagi tu. rasanya mcm x sempat2 nak say hi to tasnim pun, lepas bergambar terus bertegur sapa dgn other girls. haha mcm la lama x jumpa, pdhal sume fr kl area jugak tu (err agak lama la x jumpa jugak... for me at least).

pic courtesy of farah hana


dah puas bergambar2 di tepi pelamin, baru la kami berempat duduk makan. ingatkan yg lain2 sume nak balik dah, sekali lepak gak dgn kitorg. mmg satu meja tu meja kami lah. borak2 dgn mummy-of-2 maryam n 8-mth pregnant izzy yg dua2 dah jadi org penang sekarang. anak sulung maryam dah 5 thn... kejap je rasa. mcm baru je semlm main ice skating dekat uiuc dgn dia dulu haha fehlong jap.

dah habis makan sume, baru kirah diyana baity ina sampai. sempat la borak2 lagi siket. pastu sume pun beransur nak check-in kat hotel. mula2 ingat nak konvoi, tapi biasa la bila tgk spot2 menarik utk bergambar, ditambah pulak dgn farah n eyan yg mmg avid photographer, pakcik RELA kacau pun kitorg rilek je ("bahaya bergambar 3 orang. nnt yg tengah tu kalau x berpisah... mati". to which sedah answered, "xpe pakcik, kitorg mmg jarang jumpa pun." haha). last2 nirma shosh lain sume pun dah jalan.

posing sambil pegang cawan berisi teh tarik

memandangkan kitorg dah dekat utara penang, n hotel tu pun kat tanjung bungah (utara pulau), dgn konfidennya kitorg opted to board the ferry. siap lalu butterworth outer ring road yg lengang itu ("ni mcm MRR2 la jugak nih" haha road expert konon.. pdhal the only similarity is "ring road"). mmg kitorg sume pun teringin nak naik feri, aku pun lupa bila last time naik feri. mmg best wooo dgn angin sepoi2 bahasa, dgn bau air lautnya. siap bg mms 'jgn jeles' kat diorg yg lalu jambatan haha. tapi last2 sampai lambat gak, sbb jalan jam.

atas feri berlatarbelakangkan komtar

nak cari hotel pun satu hal. byk one way, kurang signage. kalau x kerana garmin kat hp farah yg awesome, mungkin kitorg dah berpatah balik ke kl (exaggerate). bila dah ada garmin nih, lagi la seronok nak berjln2 uu yeah. so selepas solat mandi sume, kitorg plan nak merasa makanan penang yg mcm2 ada. mula2 ingat nak cari char kuey tiaw, tapi yg the best kat balik pulau, which is at the other end of the pulau. mmg x sempat la, dgn janjinya nak makan ramai2 dgn others mlm tu. last2 kitorg settle kat padang kota, makan pasemboq.

hambar la xde gambar... nnt ah aku letak. till then. update: gambar! courtesy of farah and eyan.

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penang trip - part I

>> January 26, 2010


last 2 weeks or so kitorg dpt jemputan gi kenduri salah seorang kawan kami, tasnim di kepala batas, penang. tgk penang masa tu aku dah, "jauhnyaaa". sume org yg selalu aku join pun senyap je, so mmg big possibility xde org plan nak gi sana la kot.

pastu bermesej2an dgn farah, kot la dia nak gi n tgh cari org. tgk2 dia pun malas nak bawak keta. sekali dia msg, "... ke ko rajin nak drive haha bleh rase naik ***z ko tu tet!!". ide yg baik nih. pastu aku pun ckp ha boleh try tanya bapak aku dulu, pastu nak tanya2 org lain sapa2 lagi nak join.

awal2 tu mmg parents aku x kasik. kata jauh la, keta aku tu x stabil la. mcm nak nangis la jugak, apsal aku buat sume xleh, org lain buat sume ok je. kalau keta tu x ok, apsal suh aku beli dulu. mmg ingat x jadi la ni, tapi aku suh gak farah bookkan bilik. last2 hari khamis tu bapak aku ckp, "kalau awak nak sgt, ok lah." the closest to a greenlight i've ever got. yeehaa road trip bebeh!

so di waktu officematesku sedang sibuk menikmati juadah jamuan awal tahun, aku sibuk bersms / call nak organize itinerary. sume pun duk jauh2 tu... dari desa pandan sampai la ke kuala kangsar aku nak kena amik. n had to try to make it to tasnim's place by 1 pm (time dia sanding).

on D day, x bangun lewat pun, tapi biasa la kelam-kabut sume kan. pastu keluar2 rumah je keta dah beratur. cis terlupa sabtu ada sekolah ganti. bersusun kereta kat mana2 jln pun. adehhh kul berapa mau sampai desa pandan nih. last2 7:30 baru masuk highway, awalnya janji 7:30 amik eyan dulu. campur sesat2 nak cari rumah eyan lagi. tapi alhamdulillah berjaya sampai jugak.

ard 9 sampai bukit beruntung lak, amik farah. disbbkan kami sume belum breakfast, singgah kedai mamak makan roti canai. 930 baru bertolak ke kuala kangsar lak amik sedah. err aku kena syarat sebenarnya nak drive ni: kena drive <100kmh. tabley tahan beb, highway ke utara sume lurus bak bendul. boleh syok2 drive, farah tegur, "tet... tu dah 120 tu." terus terngiang2 kata2 bapak aku. terpaksa slow down. akhirnya around 11 sampai rumah sedah. maka bertolaklah kami berempat ke rumah tasnim.

nak kirakan, sepatutnya ada 5 org, sbb azian dari perlis pun nak join. mula2 dia ingat nak drive, tapi since kekla (kawan lagi sorg) x dpt join, dia pikir nak naik bas. aku pun siap ckp, ok je boleh jemput dia kat butterworth. hehe tapi dlm hati dah terpikir alamak kena make another stop. tapi last2 x jadi, sbb ingatkan dia nak drive jugak tapi x jadi akhirnya. so kami berempat je le.

430 km later, sampai la kami ke rumah tasnim.

to be continued...

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kawan sama saya

>> January 20, 2010

::You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real::

some things are better left unsaid.

not this one.

semlm on the way nak balik rumah, and on the way to the train stop (yg agak jauh dari turnstile tpt masuk itu), aku terperasan (as in noticed ye, bukan perasan) ada satu mat salleh ni jln dgn slownya kat depan. boleh tahan tinggi jugak la, tapi aku mcm x sure dia ni tourist ke expat, sbb dia xde bawak gargantuan backpack or pakai sneakers / sport shoes. pastu gaya jalan dia pun mcm pelik, tangan dia mcm extra lembut. hehe x tau mcm mana nak explain, mcm ayun laik siket kot?

anyway, mat salleh ni gi approach sorg minah ni (yg kat depan aku jugak). dlm hati terpikir oo mat salleh ni nak tanya direction kot... ceh aku pun mentally prepared apa nak dickp in case dia tanya aku pulak lepas tu (haha xleh tgk org dlm kesusahan la kononnya ni). tapi aku pun mcm nak cepat jln jugak, so mcm x dgr / x perasan apa jadi dgn diorg 2 org tu.

as expected, mat salleh tu approached aku pulak. tiba2 terdgr, "mau gi mana?" mmg serious off-guard time tu. ye la, i was expecting a question in english. muka mat salleh hidung mancung rambut blonde tiba2 ckp melayu (yg slang ala2 typical bangla), terkedu la kejap.

MS: mau gi mana?
A: balik.
MS: turun mana?
A: bangi.
MS: kerja sini?
A: yes.
MS: sudah ada boyfriend?

-aa time ni aku dah confuse dah nih. apa ke hey nak tanya pasal aku ada bf ke tak. nak je aku jawab, "none of your business" or "tiada kena-mengena dgn kamu" or "why are you asking?" tapi aku pun confuse nak jawab dlm bm ke english. last2 aku geleng kepala je.

MS: sudah ada suami?
A: -geleng-.
MS: mau kawan sama saya? mau teman saya jalan2?

-this is usually the part where ppl used phrases like "whadaf**" or "WTH??". and i'm pretty sure i heard 'kawin' instead of 'kawan', tapi mcm x konsisten lak dgn the rest of the conversation, so let it be at 'kawan'. serious aku confuse, marah pun ada. aku terbayang mcm dlm manga / anime, yg tiba2 org tua tanya kat HS girls ajak gi teman diorg karaoke mcm tu. me n my imaginations.

anyway bila dia ulang2 soalan yg sama tu byk kali siap hulur tangan sume, aku pun start angkat kaki dgn lagi tinggi (i.e. jln lagi laju). hehe takut duh nak toleh belakang sume. pdhal ramai je org.

haha k syud ckp ntah2 mcm kes serina&gavin, yg mula2 kenal buat2 x tau, last2 kawin. sorry naik lori le... apa kelas ngorat kat komuter. err and i'm not that desperate to be involved, married etc.. agaknya la. xkan la apa jua yg dtg approach aku aku kena take it as a potential husband? ngeri tu.

ainur ckp kat haritu, "kat dayabumi tu ramai je hot engineers, apsal xde yg sangkut tet?" boleh tak tanya balik, "mana?"

ok chiow.

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prevention is definitely better, no?

>> January 15, 2010

::Men are rewarded or punished not for what they do but for how their acts are defined. That is why men are more interested in better justifying themselves than in better behaving themselves.::

i think i've stated it before; there are times when who says it matters.

no doubt everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but to shape your argument or so-called findings so as to fit the mold of what you have in mind or worse yet, of what you're influenced to believe in? now that's twisted. vicious even.

yes i know there must be a pro-gov or anti-gov or opposition or neutral parties/organizations in order to create a balance of the nation, but a reason of just cause is simply not enough. xkan la sbb itu sume dtg dari kerajaan, maka ia patut ditentang? similarly, xkan la sbb yg cadangkan itu pihak pembangkang, maka ia patut ditentang? itu buta tuli namanya.

mmg sgt pelik la tgk org argue bukan main pdhal beneath all the wordings kita pun tau apa yg dia cuba tegakkan: tindakan pihak itu salah, which is NOT even a conclusion or an opinion to the issue at hand. not that hard to deduce, now there's internet and whatnot. x berapa susah nak detect org yg bentangkan arguments dia based on apa yg dia nak cuba sampaikan at the end of the day (err contohnya mcm debaters boleh? heheh). yg kdg2 aku geram bila kaburkan semua tu dgn ayat quran or hadith or fiqh, etc. seolah2 betul sgt la apa yg diorg tegakkan tu, and berdosa sgt la org yg anggap benda tu salah. at the very least, they use SAT words. hey, appearance is everything. would you believe an accusation on a filthy piece of paper? of course not, kurang2 kena la pakai statutory declaration kan.

or maybe i'm just biased. who doesn't?

ok chiow.

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freedom is not free

>> January 11, 2010

::Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.::

agony no more! err not for the next 2 mths at least.

biasa la lepas exam je, start buat azam baru: x nak last minute lagi. somehow aku rasa akan azam itu tetap akan jadi azam utk tahun berikutnya. uih tapi struggle la kali ni. serious. ala2 lost hope pun ada. well got nobody else to blame but me. now, now, time to move on.

rasa mcm selalu sgt aku cite pasal mimpi. tapi nak buat mcm mana, kdg2 aku rasa mimpi aku tu sgt pelik.

one of the dreams i had was about this blog. sth like kawan aku promote blog aku kat org lain sambil ckp, "kelakar aa cerita2 dia." wahahaha kembang jap. xde la kelakar mana pun tapi. maybe this is one of my deepest wish: to be famous. haha ntah. x kot.

another was about another friend of mine who blew off the entire cabinet. no, no THAT kind of cabinet. this is the kind that involves people. lots, and lots of ppl. i actually remember almost the entire drama, tapi tulis pjg2 takut org pening + bosan lak, in light of my 1st dream kan, heheh. tapi the main thing is somehow all the influential ppl were gathered in some sort of giant room, and suddenly the lights were off, then my friend gave this "you're supposed to take care of us, bukannya pentingkan diri sendiri...now it's too late" speech, then suddenly tebaboom.

pastu start la kecoh2 org huru-hara sbb xde pemimpin, duk bergosip kat kedai kopi sapa punya angkara, etc. somehow ada org terselamat dr bom tu, pastu diorg start bina balik kehidupan (?). after a while tiba2 ada satu announcement suh kumpul kat bombing site, tgk2 ada satu hall yg lagi besar dari yg sebelumnya. rupa2nya ke situ duit rakyat dihabiskan: build a bigger space. perjuangan yg sia2 nampaknya utk kawan aku tu.

thruout the whole thing, aku pun x sure aku di pihak sapa. sbb mcm xde bercakap langsung pun dgn sapa2. mcm jadi pemerhati je. and bukan dari langit pun, more like a bystander. bystander yg xde perasaan.

is it my secret, deepest wish? alamak, x tau nak ckp. mimpi hanyalah mainan tido je kan.

kalau cuti kerja sekali kan best...

ok chiow.

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vent

>> January 04, 2010

::A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.::

can't help thinking: is it worth it?

frustrating when you know that you know the answer to the last question; it's just that you're too slow of a writer to even attend to it. there goes my 10 marks.

and to think that i've declined every (albeit almost nonexistent) wedding or get-together invitations for the last month.

i need to stray away from the usual:
Q: what do you think the effect of X?
A: Z.

and migrate to the new:
Q: what do you think the effect of X?
A: to understand the effect of X, we need to understand: what is X? we've seen that in Y X is interpreted as "...." while in J X is defined as "....". the issue here is whether X actually affects Z-related entities, and if so, in what way.

... and that's just the intro.

or maybe, it's just me.

and time2 mcm ni jugak aku rasa sume org ternganga je mulut tunggu org suapkan. and that "org" is expected to be me. apsal bila aku nak org suap, aku kena mintak, kena tagih? apsal aku pun semangat sgt nak tolong? it sucks when you know the sincerity has been long replaced by obedience. or maybe fear. fear of being badmouthed.

get used to it. i'm not as nice as you might think. so don't get all "omg what happened to the usual her?" when that happens.

stress disorder? i'd like to think so. let's hope the mood changes next week, bila dah habis exam.

aku x tgk lagi avatarrrr

ok chiow.

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