penang trip - part I

>> January 26, 2010


last 2 weeks or so kitorg dpt jemputan gi kenduri salah seorang kawan kami, tasnim di kepala batas, penang. tgk penang masa tu aku dah, "jauhnyaaa". sume org yg selalu aku join pun senyap je, so mmg big possibility xde org plan nak gi sana la kot.

pastu bermesej2an dgn farah, kot la dia nak gi n tgh cari org. tgk2 dia pun malas nak bawak keta. sekali dia msg, "... ke ko rajin nak drive haha bleh rase naik ***z ko tu tet!!". ide yg baik nih. pastu aku pun ckp ha boleh try tanya bapak aku dulu, pastu nak tanya2 org lain sapa2 lagi nak join.

awal2 tu mmg parents aku x kasik. kata jauh la, keta aku tu x stabil la. mcm nak nangis la jugak, apsal aku buat sume xleh, org lain buat sume ok je. kalau keta tu x ok, apsal suh aku beli dulu. mmg ingat x jadi la ni, tapi aku suh gak farah bookkan bilik. last2 hari khamis tu bapak aku ckp, "kalau awak nak sgt, ok lah." the closest to a greenlight i've ever got. yeehaa road trip bebeh!

so di waktu officematesku sedang sibuk menikmati juadah jamuan awal tahun, aku sibuk bersms / call nak organize itinerary. sume pun duk jauh2 tu... dari desa pandan sampai la ke kuala kangsar aku nak kena amik. n had to try to make it to tasnim's place by 1 pm (time dia sanding).

on D day, x bangun lewat pun, tapi biasa la kelam-kabut sume kan. pastu keluar2 rumah je keta dah beratur. cis terlupa sabtu ada sekolah ganti. bersusun kereta kat mana2 jln pun. adehhh kul berapa mau sampai desa pandan nih. last2 7:30 baru masuk highway, awalnya janji 7:30 amik eyan dulu. campur sesat2 nak cari rumah eyan lagi. tapi alhamdulillah berjaya sampai jugak.

ard 9 sampai bukit beruntung lak, amik farah. disbbkan kami sume belum breakfast, singgah kedai mamak makan roti canai. 930 baru bertolak ke kuala kangsar lak amik sedah. err aku kena syarat sebenarnya nak drive ni: kena drive <100kmh. tabley tahan beb, highway ke utara sume lurus bak bendul. boleh syok2 drive, farah tegur, "tet... tu dah 120 tu." terus terngiang2 kata2 bapak aku. terpaksa slow down. akhirnya around 11 sampai rumah sedah. maka bertolaklah kami berempat ke rumah tasnim.

nak kirakan, sepatutnya ada 5 org, sbb azian dari perlis pun nak join. mula2 dia ingat nak drive, tapi since kekla (kawan lagi sorg) x dpt join, dia pikir nak naik bas. aku pun siap ckp, ok je boleh jemput dia kat butterworth. hehe tapi dlm hati dah terpikir alamak kena make another stop. tapi last2 x jadi, sbb ingatkan dia nak drive jugak tapi x jadi akhirnya. so kami berempat je le.

430 km later, sampai la kami ke rumah tasnim.

to be continued...

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kawan sama saya

>> January 20, 2010

::You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real::

some things are better left unsaid.

not this one.

semlm on the way nak balik rumah, and on the way to the train stop (yg agak jauh dari turnstile tpt masuk itu), aku terperasan (as in noticed ye, bukan perasan) ada satu mat salleh ni jln dgn slownya kat depan. boleh tahan tinggi jugak la, tapi aku mcm x sure dia ni tourist ke expat, sbb dia xde bawak gargantuan backpack or pakai sneakers / sport shoes. pastu gaya jalan dia pun mcm pelik, tangan dia mcm extra lembut. hehe x tau mcm mana nak explain, mcm ayun laik siket kot?

anyway, mat salleh ni gi approach sorg minah ni (yg kat depan aku jugak). dlm hati terpikir oo mat salleh ni nak tanya direction kot... ceh aku pun mentally prepared apa nak dickp in case dia tanya aku pulak lepas tu (haha xleh tgk org dlm kesusahan la kononnya ni). tapi aku pun mcm nak cepat jln jugak, so mcm x dgr / x perasan apa jadi dgn diorg 2 org tu.

as expected, mat salleh tu approached aku pulak. tiba2 terdgr, "mau gi mana?" mmg serious off-guard time tu. ye la, i was expecting a question in english. muka mat salleh hidung mancung rambut blonde tiba2 ckp melayu (yg slang ala2 typical bangla), terkedu la kejap.

MS: mau gi mana?
A: balik.
MS: turun mana?
A: bangi.
MS: kerja sini?
A: yes.
MS: sudah ada boyfriend?

-aa time ni aku dah confuse dah nih. apa ke hey nak tanya pasal aku ada bf ke tak. nak je aku jawab, "none of your business" or "tiada kena-mengena dgn kamu" or "why are you asking?" tapi aku pun confuse nak jawab dlm bm ke english. last2 aku geleng kepala je.

MS: sudah ada suami?
A: -geleng-.
MS: mau kawan sama saya? mau teman saya jalan2?

-this is usually the part where ppl used phrases like "whadaf**" or "WTH??". and i'm pretty sure i heard 'kawin' instead of 'kawan', tapi mcm x konsisten lak dgn the rest of the conversation, so let it be at 'kawan'. serious aku confuse, marah pun ada. aku terbayang mcm dlm manga / anime, yg tiba2 org tua tanya kat HS girls ajak gi teman diorg karaoke mcm tu. me n my imaginations.

anyway bila dia ulang2 soalan yg sama tu byk kali siap hulur tangan sume, aku pun start angkat kaki dgn lagi tinggi (i.e. jln lagi laju). hehe takut duh nak toleh belakang sume. pdhal ramai je org.

haha k syud ckp ntah2 mcm kes serina&gavin, yg mula2 kenal buat2 x tau, last2 kawin. sorry naik lori le... apa kelas ngorat kat komuter. err and i'm not that desperate to be involved, married etc.. agaknya la. xkan la apa jua yg dtg approach aku aku kena take it as a potential husband? ngeri tu.

ainur ckp kat haritu, "kat dayabumi tu ramai je hot engineers, apsal xde yg sangkut tet?" boleh tak tanya balik, "mana?"

ok chiow.

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prevention is definitely better, no?

>> January 15, 2010

::Men are rewarded or punished not for what they do but for how their acts are defined. That is why men are more interested in better justifying themselves than in better behaving themselves.::

i think i've stated it before; there are times when who says it matters.

no doubt everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but to shape your argument or so-called findings so as to fit the mold of what you have in mind or worse yet, of what you're influenced to believe in? now that's twisted. vicious even.

yes i know there must be a pro-gov or anti-gov or opposition or neutral parties/organizations in order to create a balance of the nation, but a reason of just cause is simply not enough. xkan la sbb itu sume dtg dari kerajaan, maka ia patut ditentang? similarly, xkan la sbb yg cadangkan itu pihak pembangkang, maka ia patut ditentang? itu buta tuli namanya.

mmg sgt pelik la tgk org argue bukan main pdhal beneath all the wordings kita pun tau apa yg dia cuba tegakkan: tindakan pihak itu salah, which is NOT even a conclusion or an opinion to the issue at hand. not that hard to deduce, now there's internet and whatnot. x berapa susah nak detect org yg bentangkan arguments dia based on apa yg dia nak cuba sampaikan at the end of the day (err contohnya mcm debaters boleh? heheh). yg kdg2 aku geram bila kaburkan semua tu dgn ayat quran or hadith or fiqh, etc. seolah2 betul sgt la apa yg diorg tegakkan tu, and berdosa sgt la org yg anggap benda tu salah. at the very least, they use SAT words. hey, appearance is everything. would you believe an accusation on a filthy piece of paper? of course not, kurang2 kena la pakai statutory declaration kan.

or maybe i'm just biased. who doesn't?

ok chiow.

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freedom is not free

>> January 11, 2010

::Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.::

agony no more! err not for the next 2 mths at least.

biasa la lepas exam je, start buat azam baru: x nak last minute lagi. somehow aku rasa akan azam itu tetap akan jadi azam utk tahun berikutnya. uih tapi struggle la kali ni. serious. ala2 lost hope pun ada. well got nobody else to blame but me. now, now, time to move on.

rasa mcm selalu sgt aku cite pasal mimpi. tapi nak buat mcm mana, kdg2 aku rasa mimpi aku tu sgt pelik.

one of the dreams i had was about this blog. sth like kawan aku promote blog aku kat org lain sambil ckp, "kelakar aa cerita2 dia." wahahaha kembang jap. xde la kelakar mana pun tapi. maybe this is one of my deepest wish: to be famous. haha ntah. x kot.

another was about another friend of mine who blew off the entire cabinet. no, no THAT kind of cabinet. this is the kind that involves people. lots, and lots of ppl. i actually remember almost the entire drama, tapi tulis pjg2 takut org pening + bosan lak, in light of my 1st dream kan, heheh. tapi the main thing is somehow all the influential ppl were gathered in some sort of giant room, and suddenly the lights were off, then my friend gave this "you're supposed to take care of us, bukannya pentingkan diri sendiri...now it's too late" speech, then suddenly tebaboom.

pastu start la kecoh2 org huru-hara sbb xde pemimpin, duk bergosip kat kedai kopi sapa punya angkara, etc. somehow ada org terselamat dr bom tu, pastu diorg start bina balik kehidupan (?). after a while tiba2 ada satu announcement suh kumpul kat bombing site, tgk2 ada satu hall yg lagi besar dari yg sebelumnya. rupa2nya ke situ duit rakyat dihabiskan: build a bigger space. perjuangan yg sia2 nampaknya utk kawan aku tu.

thruout the whole thing, aku pun x sure aku di pihak sapa. sbb mcm xde bercakap langsung pun dgn sapa2. mcm jadi pemerhati je. and bukan dari langit pun, more like a bystander. bystander yg xde perasaan.

is it my secret, deepest wish? alamak, x tau nak ckp. mimpi hanyalah mainan tido je kan.

kalau cuti kerja sekali kan best...

ok chiow.

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vent

>> January 04, 2010

::A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.::

can't help thinking: is it worth it?

frustrating when you know that you know the answer to the last question; it's just that you're too slow of a writer to even attend to it. there goes my 10 marks.

and to think that i've declined every (albeit almost nonexistent) wedding or get-together invitations for the last month.

i need to stray away from the usual:
Q: what do you think the effect of X?
A: Z.

and migrate to the new:
Q: what do you think the effect of X?
A: to understand the effect of X, we need to understand: what is X? we've seen that in Y X is interpreted as "...." while in J X is defined as "....". the issue here is whether X actually affects Z-related entities, and if so, in what way.

... and that's just the intro.

or maybe, it's just me.

and time2 mcm ni jugak aku rasa sume org ternganga je mulut tunggu org suapkan. and that "org" is expected to be me. apsal bila aku nak org suap, aku kena mintak, kena tagih? apsal aku pun semangat sgt nak tolong? it sucks when you know the sincerity has been long replaced by obedience. or maybe fear. fear of being badmouthed.

get used to it. i'm not as nice as you might think. so don't get all "omg what happened to the usual her?" when that happens.

stress disorder? i'd like to think so. let's hope the mood changes next week, bila dah habis exam.

aku x tgk lagi avatarrrr

ok chiow.

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