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>> August 09, 2011

::There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.::

i know it's a bit late, but... RAMADHAN MUBARAK!

let's talk about public speaking. not, let's not.

aku sgt tak suka jadi center of attention. aku x suka semua org tertumpu kat aku, eyeing my every movement. aku akan cepat rasa gelabah, rasa sumbang-mambang je langkah tu. and for that reason, i don't like speaking in front of an audience. having a conversation, gossiping, no problemo. kasi talk? ceramah? NO. maybe it depends on who my audience is. mcm kalau kawan2 sendiri, maybe aku x kisah (tapi aku rasa aku kdg2 nervous gak)

last aku buat presentation depan org adalah may last year kot. masa kelas. itu pun ok la, sbb classmate ada <10 orang, pastu sume pun dah kenal since 1st sem. tadi aku kena buat presentation. mula2 kena present time dept meeting. aku fikir ok la, sume pun kenal dah. informal pun. sekali dpt tau kena present depan big boss (loosely used here). masa ni aku sgt cuak, sbb... haha ada la sebabnya. and semlm aku dpt tau kena present depan whole division (ok la exaggerate, 2 depts to be exact). and big boss and his henchmen *gulp*

how did i feel? man i could literally feel sth's racing up my throat. bukan setakat rama2 je, aku rasa ada kr-r-r-raken dlm perut aku ni (kebetulan lak baru makan sotong goreng tepung weekend haritu heheh). sume sakit la aku rasa nak datang; selsema, batuk, demam, tibi, cirit-birit... gila aah rasa nak nangis pun ada.

pagi tadi, aku rasa mcm nak gi pengsan je kat mana-mana. nak sorok kat toilet pastu tutup lampu sume. the moment right before i started my presentation, aku rasa nak lari keluar. i could barely pronounce the 1st syllable i should say. kawan2 aku pun cakap, obvious aku nervous.

aku rasa aku nervous coz i was so afraid of screwing up. in front of big bosses no less. ye la wey x pasal2 kang ketua ko pun kena balun sekali sbb ada anak buah mcm ni. i was too caught up in that mindset, i let it eat me. lagi rasa nak lari sbb ada satu part tu aku mcm blank. pdhal aku dah rehearse dah mlm tadi. siap aaa aaa aaa kat mic lagi. hahahaha dammit. jatuh reputasi.

sekali sampai satu part tu, big boss tanya aku soalan dgn penuh santai. dan berjaya juga aku jawab. pastu it kinda sparked interest among the participants la (konon, tulis je la colleagues haha). mcm baru la dgr oohh aah. kalau tak dgr org cuci tingkap je.

and susprisingly, lepas tu baru aku ok. kiranya aku rasa mcm excited lak nak ckp. haha pastu kawan aku ckp mcm obvious sgt masa nak sampai part conclusion tu suara aku mcm relieved gila. i mean, CONCLUSION mannn!

adakah aku ketakutan kerisauan tu hanyalah utk sesuatu yg tiada? maybe. moral of the story: don't let fear hold you back. it's all in your mind.

and of course, it helps if you actually know what you're talking about.

relieved? you betcha.

ok chiow.

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