aku still kagum bagaimana norshahrul berjaya gelecek bola past an opponent who thought the ball was out (haha hentam sajalah), and made the setting for msia's 1st goal. what a morale booster. 
i guess i'm in the age where i believe there will be dire consequences in all the wrong choices i make. maybe there is one happening right now.
i should've let fate runs it own course. and now i'm trapped. scarred.
benci laaaaaaa bodoh
ya Allah ampunkanlah hambaMu yang lemah ini...
will i ever be forgiven?
::Home is where the heart is, so your real home's in your chest.::
Home, elusive home
apparently there's a lot of ppl out there who share the same sentiment as me. that's somewhat a relief.
putting off buying a home for a year would make the price goes up by at least RM100k. gilo apo kalau aku businessman pun belum tentu dpt kumpul duit sebanyak tu. apetah lagi makan gaji, yg bonus pun nan hado. face it: houses are priced ridiculously high. of course property owners are jumping on the bandwagon too. easy money meh. beli rumah 230k, tunggu setahun, jual 350k. so the rich is getting richer. the middle is getting poorer. the poor will always remain poor. mcm quantum leap punya graf (agaknya, apa aku mengarut ni).
whatever it is, yg aku hangin, ko letak la rumah harga 1M for a 2-sty terrace, still ada org beli huwaa crazy ppl. how can 1st-time employee ever be a 1st-time homeowner with 1st (basic) salary? nak beli rumah pun kena tgk area jugak. kalau sume org beli rumah yg 100km jauh dari tpt kerja, yg mmg kerja dekat tpt yg org 100km jauhnya beli rumah kat situ nak beli rumah kat mana pulak?
so don't blame me for not really caring about belanjawan. for me it only means one thing: you have to pay rm1 for what you paid rm0.70 before.
or maybe i'm just plain ignorant.
ok chiow.
::Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.::
pagi tadi ada satu pakcik ni yg baru lepas turun dari komuter, nak berjalan ke tempat kerja, nyala rokok dia. mungkin sempat la kot sedut sekali, pastu time nak hayun tangan (which reminded me of a question asked by a radio dj a long time ago: kenapa org jalan hayun tangan? and a caller answered: sbb pakai baju and seluar.), rokok tu terlepas dari tangan dia. rokok tu pun jatuh atas jalan... lalu pakcik itu ambil balik rokok tu (by that time aku pun dah ke depan dari pakcik tu, ye la xkan aku nak stop sekali kot), dengar dia tiup "fuh! fuh!". bila sampai kat satu tempat yg aku boleh tgk reflection aku dan org2 belakang aku, aku tgk dia tgh hisap rokok.
tu dia aihhh rokok dah jatuh pun boleh kutip dan hisap balik tuu. heheh ye la kan sekarang rokok dah mahal, rugi sebatang, rugi +-50sen.
mungkin org boleh ckp lantak ah bukan duit ko pun (haha aku pun selalu gunakan ayat ni to justify buying out-of-ordinary things), but when it comes to smoking, it involves somebody else. be it the smoke that everybody around you inhales, the ozone thinning, the smell when you talk, etc., it always involves somebody else. so in a way that affected somebody else is entitled to say sth about that, right?
bapak aku dulu heavy smoker. tapi it never affected me since lahir2 je itu la bapak aku (and everything else that comes along with it). but after being away from him for a while (for me it's 2 years), i realized how 'different' a smoker is compared to a non-smoker. and how 'nice' a non-smoker's house is compared to a smoker's house (mak aku ckp kesan kotor kat dinding rumah tu akibat asap rokok... mungkin betul kot). tapi sekarang dah berhenti dah. i can't really say how quitting smoking can give benefit you (sbb kdg2 aku rasa bapak aku sama je mcm dulu), but it's comforting in a way to know that your dad didn't spend his money on cigarettes... baik la bawak gi jalan2 kan hehe.
anyway i... digress? more like babble.
ok chiow.
::If people know where you are, they know where you're not.::
powerful words, they are.
as if the manual constant status updates aren't annoying enough.
be safe.
i have no idea why i wrote this. just 'inspired'@'awakened' by the quote is all.
ok chiow.
::Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Sebenarnya maut yang kamu melarikan diri daripadanya itu, tetaplah ia akan menemui kamu; kemudian kamu akan dikembalikan kepada Allah yang mengetahui segala yang ghaib dan yang nyata, lalu Ia memberitahu kepada kamu apa yang kamu telah lakukan (serta membalasnya)".::[Al-Jumu'ah: 8]
raya 2009::Men of ill judgment oft ignore the good
That lies within their hands, till they have lost it.::
busynya rasa.
if patent applications (or the intensity/difficulty of patent applications) are depicted on the y-scale, and examiners' expertise on the x-scale, then you would see that y=x^2 [x: +ve integer]. masa tetap 24hrs je jugak (or rather 8 hours of work time).
gone were the days where you could achieve your target and still have 1 week to spare.
mcm mana nak dpt bonus ni?
mcm mana nak world class ni?
ok chiow.
a good article fwded by one of the kakak2. taken from http://www.playandlearn.org/reader.asp?Type=Ramadhan&fn=121 Why Forgive others during the Month of Holy Ramadhan? Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: Musa (as), the son of Imran once asked, "Oh my Lord! Who is the most honourable of Your servants? And He replied, the person who forgives even when he is in a position of power."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) said: "Whoever wishes that Allah (SWT) may favor him with His blessings and accommodate him in Paradise should refine his morals, behave justly with the people, take pity on orphans, help weak and the helpless and be humble before Allah who has created him."
You know what I'm referring to - those times when you get into an arguments with a family member, friend, boss, employee, coworker, classmate, teacher or whoever. You know your facts are right or that you've been wronged with an insulting remark, sarcastic comment or rudeness.
And so, you choose to hold a grudge. After all, you've got a right to. Nobody should be treated this way. Why should you forgive? You're not the one who started this. You're not the one who doesn't have the facts straight.
True. You may be right. You may be in that position of power mentioned in the Hadith above. But forgiving others, apart from positively affecting our health (less stress) and our minds (one less negative thing to focus on), is a necessary step to closeness to Allah (SWT).
How can we move up the ladder of spiritual development when we hold bitterness and anger towards another person? While we may have been in the right, is it worth sacrificing our energy on a grudge instead of on growth?
Is there not something strange about asking for God's forgiveness of our sins while withholding our forgiveness from someone who has hurt us?
We cannot expect for Allah's forgiveness unless we also forgive those who do wrong to us. Forgiving each other, even forgiving one's enemies is one of the most important Islamic teachings. Allah (SWT) says in Holy Quran: And those who shun the great sins and indecencies, and whenever they are angry they forgive. (al-Shura 42:37)
One of the distinguishing features of Ramadhan is forgiveness. Holy Prophet Muhammad (saww) explained in one Hadith:
"Ramadhan is a month whose beginning is Mercy, whose middle is Forgiveness and whose end is freedom from the Hellfire".
This makes it a great time to ask Allah (SWT) for His Forgiveness. It's also a wonderful time to open our hearts and cleanse them of grudges and bitterness by forgiving others. Let us use these remaining days of forgiveness this Ramadhan to open our hearts to those who have wronged us and forgive them as we beg Allah (SWT) to forgive us. Please forgive me; if I have wronged you in anyway!
Ramadhan is a holy month indeed.
::To be free of destructive stress don't sweat the small stuff and by realizing that all stuff is small.::
suddenly i have proof staring back at me that i'm under much stress: cold sores! (or at least what i thought they are)
what the hell time2 aku kena berjumpa dgn byk org la ko(rg) nak muncul kan. siot betul laa... dah la sakit / gatal / memalukan. quoting a website, "And you thought that zit was embarassing!"
mine's probably in stage 3. so according to the pic above, i'd most probably have to endure this for 11 freakin' more days... cis. dah la dah start gatal2 ni, makin byk je pulak aku rasa. waaaaaaa nak mc 2 minggu
lagi satu yg aku x puas hati, apehal cold sores' other name mcm STD? aku nak google pun cuak, takut org IT ingat aku surf apa je nnt.
well maybe whoever named the virus could foresee the pain and anguish the sufferer would suffer, since cold sores are result of stress, and their existence could also cause stress. like what i'm going thru right now.
benci aa. rasa nak pakai topeng mulut je masuk meeting esok.
oops tertekan 'enter' dgn nada marah.
ok chiow.
::There are many roads to hate, but envy is the shortest of them all.::
i tried to post a new entry without looking at other ppl's entries... hmmph. ended up looking at a few fvf's blogs, before deciding on one topic. where's my muse when i need one?
which brings me to this: envy.
i sometimes envy ppl who have interesting, mention-worthy moments in their lives. or a mundane activity beautifully redefined by the wordings. do i feel motivated by their experience? hell yeah. but somehow it won't materialize. x cukup duit la, xde teman la, xde masa la.... mcm2 lagi la xde. a funny thing actually, considering everyone has 24 hours, and i happen to have one of those jobs where you can't bring your work home. sulit la katakan... so what's the holdup?
because somehow i think i always carry this some sort of burden around. it didn't matter much before, but eventually this burden is eating me inside out. so much i begin to blame everything on this so-called burden. when i have no other things to worry about, by default my mind would wander around this thing, weighing, arguing, agreeing, regretting, etc.
i know i make no sense, but i'm not in a position to reveal anything. too many uncertainties.
so now you know why i envy other ppl around me. because i'm sure they don't have to carry the same burden i do.
i'm just praying that everything will be alright. but even that i'm doing it halfheartedly, since there is no way everything's gonna be alright.
ramadhan mubarak.
::Fear is the darkroom where the Devil develops his negatives.::
there are times when i think i'm socially inept. err i know i'm socially inept. the thought that i know i'm socially inept makes me becoming more socially inept. sensitif sgt haha.
aku x berapa gemar orang tanya dalam nada negatif. haha aku pun x tau mcm mana nak ckp, tapi ada satu bentuk/jenis ayat/soalan ni yg implies, "why in the world would you [insert verb] that?"
haritu ada org tanya aku, "oo mmg sain ko mcm ni eh?" in my mind, it means, "you mean this stupid-looking signature is permanently and professionally yours?". bab2 ni yg aku rasa champion mmg mak aku la. esp time masak la kan. nnt kang ada je soalan, "awak tak letak [cili/bawang/kicap] eh?" in other words: "apakejadah masak x letak [cili/bawang/kicap]?" maybe it's just me. apa2 pun mmg aku sgt annoyed dgn soalan2 yg merendahkan kredibiliti aku ni. walaupun aku sememangnya layak ditegur. tu yg malas nak masak tu (hehe alasan).
tapi kalau mak aku buat mmg aku x kisah sgt, sbb well, she's my mother. she can say whatever she wants, and i still love her. TAPI bila org luar buat, mmg aku hangin. esp bila soalan2 tu diajukan utk benda2 yg x perlu nak dipersoalkan pun. mcm sain aku la. i mean, why do you care?
ceh aku rasa mcm byk lagi contoh2 lain yg org persoalkan, tapi tgh x ingat pulak.
kalau nak tanya pasal sain aku yg sgt pendek dan comel lote tu, you can ask like this: "eh eh comelnya sign! mmg dari dulu ke guna sign tu?" or kalau pasal masakan, "kenapa x letak lebih [cili/bawang/kicap]?" it gives off a positive / suggestive mood to the question, instead of making it a sarcastic, degrading remark.
it's not the subject matter that i'm annoyed about; it's the wordings, how you approach the subject that annoys me. or maybe it's the person who says it. haha selective betul. so if i ever suddenly become defensive, you know you've hit my sensitive spot.
err is that allowed?
ok chiow.
Mak : Offside tu ape bang?
Abah : Ish awak ni..dah brape tahun dah explain x faham2 jugak. Rafiq tolong explain kat mak jap.
Me : Camni mak, (pause the football match) bila orang ni pass..member dia ni xleh ade kt belakang last defender of the opposition team, cam xleh curi ayam la. Ah tgk tu (play the match back) linesman angkat bendera meaning member dia tu offside.
Mak : Oh so goal spain smlm offside la?
Me: eh taaaaaaak, sebab time num 10 (fabregas) tu pass kt mamat tu, cun2 kaki dia xlepas kaki last defender tu.
Mak : Ooooooooooooohhhhhhh~
Abah : ooo tu faham x?
Mak : tak
Me & Abah : ..................................................
taken from my bro's tumblr.
mak yang kelakar. err more like mula2 dgr annoying tapi bila fikir balik kelakar (selamba je kata mak annoying).
another anecdote:
abang: mak kita dpt kerja kat technology park.
mak: ee toksah la amik kerja tu.
abang: laa apsal? mak x dgr apa pun lagi.
mak: nnt dia cepat tutup.
aku: apsal nak tutup lak? mak pernah dgr ke pasal technology park tu?
mak: mcm theme park theme park tu kan.
yeah you must have confidence to be a mother. kdg2 aku terfikir gak, apa2 yg mak aku ckp before this, are those based on facts or 'motherly instinct'?
ok chiow.
frankly i'm tired of guessing the motive behind whatever you do, because there shouldn't be any.
and somewhat pathetic that the more i think of what you've done, the less i think of me. of what i could become.
i can almost imagine people laughing at us behind our backs. all because of you.
if only leaving is an option.
wonder how long we can continue with this farce. and what will happen once it ends.
::Every advantage in the past is judged in the light of the final issue.::
akhirnya!
walaupun aku masih cuak takut kena reseat some of the papers, at least the deed is done. it just makes me questioning the very purpose of staying in this line of work. jawab exam pun terkial2, heheh. well it's not like you have to prepare a licensing agreement (not just this is an agreement between so and so witnesseth that bla bla bla okay, i'm talking about the clauses on license of rights, royalty payment, dispute settlement, the whole nine yards) within one hour when you work in the field, right? meh, dah lepas.
looking fwd to spending my weekend the proper way. lama x tgk hindustan hehe.
tapi serious aa, mmg terasa lapang bila habis exam tu. selalu kalau aku balik kerja pun, kat rumah nnt mesti terfikir2 assignment apa yg x buat lagi, apa point nak letak dlm presentation, etc. walaupun sumenya selalu dlm otak je n the night before the class baru aku tercongok depan pc, the point is i always think about it. sekarang aku balik rumah mcm xde benda nak fikir (ok exaggerate). ada, tapi xde la meresahkan sgt (apsal pelik penggunaan 'resah' itu?)
anyway impian utk menghabiskan x360 games hanyalah tinggal impian. x360 abg aku rosak beyond repair. cis cun2 lak tu timing. hopefully abang aku akan beli x360 yg baru. tak pun aku masuk pertandingan mana2 pastu menang dpt xbox360 hehe.
speaking of which, aku masih dalam dilema, sama ada nak masuk yoonit trust (haha a lame attempt to block unwanted comments/hits) atau tidak. ada org kata bagus, ada kata x. ada org kata peluang keemasan, ada kata daylight robbery. masa makin berjalan tick tock tick tock. aduii apsal la aku x ada suami yg kaya-raya. ke akukah yg tidak bersyukur? ke those are two separate issues altogether?
ada org dah cop aku jadik housemate "kalau kita idop sorang2". sedih gila ayat. i highly doubt that though. err more like 'i hope not'.
aku prefer cerita cougartown dari glee. lagu2 dlm glee sedap tapi. and i never watch desperate housewives. or how i met your mother, or gossip girl. well i did watch gg once, and i was like, wth cerita pasal kawan makan kawan buat clique pastu buruk2kan each other anak orang kaya. ke sbb satu ep je heheh. and, x hensem pun hero2 dlm tu. setakat rahang tajam je. my alltime favs: csi + house (sekarang +ncis:la, castle, leverage dgn ada lagi satu yg jadik doktor kat kawasan elite duduk kat guesthouse boris, lupa nama). sign of aging?
ok chiow.
::If this business were split up, I would give you the land and bricks and mortar, and I would take the brands and trade marks, and I would fare better than you.::
aaaaaaa cepatlaaaa
i cannot bear this torture anymore
yet i'm not ready for the showdown
end this! but don't end this!
my mind is torn~
my eyes! my eyes!
redness is all i can see
squint is all i can do
what to do? been starin' too long at the pc
never thought time flew by so quickly
gone were the 'i'll do better next sem, i promise i'll be''
would i ever go through it again? sorry
full time maybe, but no more 'weekends only'
time for vuvuzela, no wait, jabulani
ah crap.
baru teringat ada lagi satu assignment.
ok chiow.
and seriously, wish me luck.
::Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.::
katakanlah di suatu petang aku mahu pulang ke rumah. tunggu punya tunggu, komuter pun sampai. masuk ke ladies' coach, tgk byk lagi seat kosong.
satu row dia punya susunan mcm nih:
::When men are scared of a woman, they always accuse her of being mannish.::
yeah finally. you have no idea how refreshing it is to not have to smell other people's sweat early in the morning. or how carefree you feel when you don't have to worry that much about who's standing next to you or who's behind you.
tapi still ada jugak yg mmg x faham bahasa. literally. well either that or diorg mmg ignorant gila. pastu terpaksa la yg prihatin tegur diorg suh pindah ke koc lain. nak suh cat koc tu kaler pink ke baru nampak... apetah. belum campur yg menggatal nak duk gak dgn budak2 pompuan pastu buat kecoh konon bagus.
haritu ada this african-american guy mengamuk pasal ada sorg pompuan tu asyik tunjuk2 kat dia. sampai mencarut2 marahkan pompuan tu. antara yg dia ckp, "why do you keep pointing at me? that's rude, you know. is it because i'm black?" pdhal minah tu bengang kat dia sbb dia duduk kat ladies' coach je. allo, kalau nak rasa racial discrimination gi US la wei. mcm bagus je jerit2 kat pompuan. pastu ckp sign utk ladies tu xde. ko pakai spek itam dlm tren, mmg le x nampak. err tapi aku pun x perasan sgt la sejauh mana pompuan tu buat sampai mamat tu terasa kan. apa2 pun, kalau dia x masuk koc tu and patuh arahan, xde problem punya.
taken from the website:
10. Apakah yang boleh dilakukan jika terdapat penumpang lelaki menaiki Koc Wanita ini?
Kerjasama semua pihak amat kami perlukan. Dengan cara yang berhemah, anda perlu memaklumkan dan meminta penumpang lelaki tersebut menaiki koc biasa.
Jika pintu tren telah tertutup dan tren bergerak, penumpang lelaki tersebut boleh turun dan berpindah ke koc biasa di stesen berikutnya.
---------------
bersama2lah kita kaum hawa menegur yg x sepatutnya berada kat situ... haha
ok chiow.
::Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.::
ever heard of the songs often played at rtm back in the days? "jangan-jangan terlalu suka, suka-suka akibatnya duka." i always thought that as nonsense, i mean how can being overly happy/+ve about something can bring you down?
but now i'm feeling it. and it sucks.
last week i was in a relatively good mood (most probably because ip day is over), having laughs with other ppl. even kalau duk sorg2 pun i'd be amused by little things. sampaikan terfikir jugak, apsal aku happy semcm ni? ada apa2 ke?
and then monday came.
nothing happened really, but somehow all my -ve thoughts about everything suddenly decided to manifest themselves. sume benda aku tgk akan membuatkan aku rasa bengang. tiba2 aku rasa x puas hati dgn semua orang. ditambah pulak dgn kesilapan2 yg aku sendiri buat yg mungkin menyusahkan org lain... aa tension betul.
maybe the song is true.
ok chiow.
ingatkan nak tunggu sampai my days as the ip day secretariat are over baru nak berkecimpung kembali di sini, tapi mcm lambat lagi je. and this is so worth it i can hardly wait.
back in 2005/06, there's this game called indigo prophecy. it's truly one of a kind, at least back then and at least for me. it's like being in a movie, where you played the hero/psycho in search of the truth. the gameplay was intense, ada certain times mmg x sempat nak digest what's happening sbb nak figure out how to control the character. mmg time aku main adik aku jerit2 bg sokongan moral, time dia main aku pulak jerit2 bg sokongan moral. walaupun the ending was a bit blergh, but the joy n thrill i felt throughout was ish x tau nak kata. maybe by now there's hundreds of games using the same MO, engine, storyline, etc. but like ppl said, the 1st cut is the deepest hehe.
now since there's no more new games for xbox, let's just say the one we have here (which btw was my older bros' before he bought the awesome x360) is just sitting there collecting fur and dust. boleh je main balik kan, tapi bila dah main x360, pastu nak main balik xbox mcm... buruk gila gambar (haha lupa daratan betul). pulak tu x syok aa main game yg dah dihabiskan. itu pun aku ada buat dah masa cuti kejap dulu.
anyway just now i saw in the paper a review on the game heavy rain. bila baca quantic dream, aku dah terfikir dah, apsal mcm familiar je nama tu. baca siket lagi, rupa2nya quantic dream is the maker of indigo prophecy, and heavy rain is their latest game! i don't need to read beyond the quote/snippet (where they usually put it in a bigger font than the rest) to know that this game is awesomeeee. cuma satu je problem: it's being released for PS3. only. ceh kalau ada utk x360 boleh gak aku tumpang kat abang aku je.
sekarang ni aku tgh rasa a bit off sbb i'm dying to know what the game offers, tapi aku takut kalau aku baca aku jadi sedih sbb xleh nak main sekarang. and obviously to play it, i have to buy ps3 1st. tapi mahal laa mana nak mampu nak beli. err actually rasa mampu je nak beli, tapi nnt takut menyesal habiskan byk duit utk benda lagha. tapi nak mainn... tgk dah tertekan dah ni.
i seriously need to reevaluate my wants and needs.
but 1st, finish my final sem 1st. and with flying colors kalau boleh. x dpt scroll kang naya je.
ops almost forgot. induksi is around the corner woohoo! alhamdulillah moga2 x ditangguh lagi. tapi nak exam tu yg payah tu. semoga dpt sah cepat amiin.
ok chiow.
::It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.::
as much as i hate to admit it, i crack under pressure. dump everything on my shoulder, and i would turn into a grumpy 80-
-------------------------
i don't remember when i wrote that. a week ago? last monday?
i do have a lot of stuffs worth writing about on my mind. but most of them are just rants. and some of them are just too specific anybody would've guessed what/who i'm writing about. bahaya woo kena saman kang heheh.
i once complained: "eee x acinya...". my friend then corrected me: "dunia / manusia mmg x pernah adil. Allah je yg Maha Adil." oh betapa betulnya pernyataan itu. even so i still want to complain. apsal laaa wujud ketidakadilan di dunia yg fana ini?
XPSP3 is still under 'verifying the download' status. wha? dah balik makan pun still x abis2 lagi? or should i cancel n restart? ---> ni case tiba2 pc crashed when i was busy being a hotel mogul. prevention is better than cure
when i started this job i was told that we have certain 'specialties' that we won't find anywhere else. hmm let's see:
i) a workstation of our own: check. but i think everyone of my qualifications is entitled to that. ok laa kira advantage jugak la sbb printer telefon pc sorang satu. come to think of it, we should get a room of our own. but hey, who's listening?
ii) nobody would bother us without reason since even the nature of our job doesn't require us to meet other ppl: pffft yeah right.
iii) no lobbying, fighting, etc because this is one of the "kenaikan tanpa kekosongan" job. pffft. enough said.
so why am i still here? call me delusional, but i still think there's gold at the end of the rainbow. still waiting for the sun to shine though.
plus kena bond lima tahun pun, hehe.
ok chiow.
::Absence makes the heart grow fonder.::
so my dad finally got out of ijn after 2 weeks. his advice: if you have to choose between lifelong meds and bypass, choose bypass. ntah la mungkin dia rasa brand new ke x tau la tu. n baru je beberapa hari duk rumah kan, ntah2 lepas ni tiba2 depressed ke. too early to tell. tapi mungkin sbb bapak aku dah x tahan makan ubat lagi byk dari makan nasi.
anyway not everything's going on smoothly. for a diabetic to take good care of >1m of surgery scars (boleh panggil stitches lagi ke? xde jahit2 pun) is not an easy task. ni pun mak aku ckp parut kat dada tu ada nanah. kena gi klinik nak tukar dressing selalu. aaa ngeri siot.
bapak aku ckp before masuk OT tu, doc suh decide nak amik urat kaki mana. so he chose his left leg. sekali bila dah selesai tu, kitorg tgk bukan takat dua2 belah kaki ada belah, kat lutut pun ada sekali. since xde org bgtau apa2 (n kitorg pun x tanya apa2), kitorg assume oo maybe sbb ada 3 blockages, so kena amik 3 urat.
alih2 sehari before bapak aku keluar, doc bgtau yg sebenarnya urat yg dipakai kat kaki kanan tu je. sbbnya mula2 belah kaki kiri, tgk urat terlalu halus. then belah kat lutut pun, terlalu halus jugak. tu last2 amik kaki kanan tu. last2 berparut semua kaki. nasib pulak kena yg mmg ada kencing manis. tu yg lama duk kat ijn tu, nak tunggu sugar level turun. heh nak turun mcm mana, asal kitorg nak dtg visit je pesan mi rebus la, laksa la, chicken chop la, bihun goreng basah la, nasi ayam hainan la.
anyhoo, ckp pasal urat halus ni, aku rasa mmg genetik jugak la kot. teringat aku dulu konon2 nak gi derma darah kan, after years of trying asyik xleh je sbb kurang iodin (nak cari / masak / makan ayam@daging time tu pun susah), finally masa final year iodine level ok. uu gembira la sekejap.
tapi x lama. bila nurse cucuk jarum, tgk2 darah x keluar. aku x tau la salah ingat ke apa, tapi jarum tu besar, mcm audio plug. boleh pulak bila x jumpa tu, dia mcm pusing2kan jarum tu (while the jarum is still under my skin). time ni aku ok lagi, tapi mmg sakit x terkata la. siap tutup mata dgn tangan lagi, a failed attempt to counter the pain haha. lepas tu nurse tu ckp sbb darah x keluar tu, dia nak try the other arm. still the same thing happened. ya Allah seriously sakit sgt, tak pernah seingat aku sakit mcm tu. bila nurse tu tanya, "are u alright?" mungkin sbb dah x tertahan (or terharu dgn nurse yg concerned itu), apa lagi mengalir la air mata. sambil berair mata tu aku ckp, "it h-hurts." <--- nak menggambarkan betapa sakitnya aku time tu. haha x ingat pun ada gagap2 ke x.
nurse tu pun agaknya dah menggelabah bila aku dah nangis tu, dia pun terus x jadi amik darah. aku pun x berapa ingat sgt apa jadi lepas tu. yg pastinya aku dpt 1 big choc chip cookie. (somehow i think that was the main reason i wanted to donate blood in the 1st place).
ah, berjaya jugak jumpa gambar jarum tu. proof that i'm not bluffing:
x ke rupa audio plug tu?
and sampai sekarang aku still takut nak derma darah lagi. x sure takut darah x keluar lagi ke, ataupun takut ternangis depan org ramai. social suicide tu oi.
ok chiow.
::After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done.::
mau isi minyak pun payah... apa daa. excerpt:
"He anticipated that it would take a longer time to process transactions as biometrics would be used to verify the vehicle owner’s identity through thumbprint scanning and this could lead to possible congestion at the petrol stations." Read more
i'm not sure this 'revolutionary' approach would sit well with me, with all those biometrics, rfids, documentations and whatnot. ppl seem to be forgetting that time is of the essence in everyday life. nak kena beratur LAGI LAMA dari sekarang nih? surely it's not a one-time registration for all car owners, since the main objective is to provide the subsidies to those who deserve it. on who deserves it though, i still have no idea.
another thing, i'm biometrically-challenged! i mean as far as fingerprints/palmprints is concerned anyway. having super-smooth (plus sweaty and cold) fingertips have never been easy, ditambah pulak bila lagi ramai org tgh tunggu turn, pastu nnt bila diorg pun pelik apsal aku lama sgt nak scan thumbprint etc, lagi la payah. and i'm sure there's hundreds out there who have similar problems, so imagine if we were to gather / register at one petrol station. berjanggut la org lain tunggu... haha lantak aa korang.
well you know what they say, alah bisa tegal biasa. pfft yeah right.
speaking of which, my cousin's daughter is planning to quit from an sbp early next month (no it's not tkc ;p). reason: x tahan kena buli. err susah gak nak komen, sbb aku x ingat aku pernah disuruh buat apa by those seniors. setakat belikan makanan kat kantin tu normal la tu. n serve utk seniors. eh ada ke? ke tu recollections from other seniors?
aku x sure sgt apa yg anak cousin aku tu kena sampai nak quit, tapi dia ada cerita yg kawan2 dia kena banned fr entering the dining hall for one whole day, ironkan baju, kasik laluan pd seniors utk amik makanan dulu, kena lecture, etc. hmmm mungkin budak2 sekarang makin byk lemak. baik juniors mahupun seniors.
there is this theory that disbbkan seniors x ragging juniors, bila juniors tu jadik seniors, diorg akan ragging juniors gila2 punya. sbbnya diorg x tau the extent of the raggings. wah x tau pulak aku boleh saiko mcm tu sekali kan, tapi yg aku ingat kitorg xde la kena teruk time junior, pastu bila kitorg jadik seniors xde pulak kitorg lupa diri ke daratan ke sume tu. aku pun x pernah kena suruh basuhkan baju org, n x pernah pun suruh org basuh baju aku. tapi bagi aku, seniors deserve a little bit of respect fr the juniors. how they instill it, well that's another story. a little respect goes a long way. and on how to get by all those seniority-basis stuffs, observe, analyze and take action. cth: turun makan awal (haha mcm org gila okay nak kejar chicken-day wednesdays), makan siket supaya cepat habis, basuh baju pagi2 buta before org lain bangun, mandi sebelum subuh, etc.
haha tiba2 teringat masa interview dulu panel tu tanya patut ke senior buli junior? aku x ingat la apa point aku, tapi mmg aku jawab perlu. haha siot mungkin sbb tu aku x dpt job tersebut. mmg nampak muka interviewer tu berubah bila aku ckp perlu. ala as if aku ada buli org pun sekarang nih. bahaya jujur all the way ni... so sgtlah x boleh jadi politician heheh.
p/s: aku x suka sgt buku sasbadi dulu. harap tebal je lebih, isi tah hapa2.
grade is just a letter.
grade is just a letter.
grade is just a letter.
GPAs are just numbers.
GPAs are just numbers.
GPAs are just numbers.
now i'm seriously worried about the coming semester. and seriously believing that a particular someone is out there trying to get (read: fail) me. 2 courses already. payback for dozing off? huwaa kejam sekali.
3rd time's (@ semester's) a charm? hope so.
and i am entitled to live in denial once in a while, so leave me be.
congrats to those who passed with flying colors. jeles la ni... sob sob
ok chiow.
p/s: bapak aku masuk ijn hari ni. please pray for him and for us
pemandangan balcony kami dari balcony farah/eyan
gambar melantak... NOT! ni gambar posing selepas habis melantak
percubaan buat love... 1st try terus (boleh tahan) berjaya hehe
sebut ramai2: buaya biawak buaya biawak...
nasi briyani @ kapitan's. sedap kot, sampai diorg sume tapau bawak balik
kat padang kota boleh katakan tercapai gak impian dari 2 yrs ago (that long? erk). again dgn bantuan garmin farah yg awesome berjaya sampai dgn selamat. haha agak malu la, terpaksa mintak tlg farah (ke eyan? lupa dah) sideparked my car, sbb aku akan amik masa yg lama utk berbuat demikian. that's what friends are for anyways, right? hehe.
tips: bila order jgn ckp e.g. sotong kangkung 1, better ckp sotong kangkung utk sorang makan... somehow 1 = 1 set utk 3-4 org, so imagine berapa byk kitorg 'kena' makan... wuargh
heheh ingatkan nak buh gambar2 fr the trip, tapi mcm lama lagi je nak tunggu. kat fb ada, tapi res x berapa best + kalau kat ofis mmg x dpt nak jenguk pun fb... so bacalah. pics will be inserted fr time to time. jika rajin.
sampai2 kepala batas, jam jugak. sbb kena lalu depan sekolah, and ada sekolah ganti. uu padan aa parents byk ada short fuse je. aku yg nak passed through pun rasa nak garit je kereta lain, apetah lagi yg nak jemput hantar anak. boleh menguji kesabaran yg amat.
posing sambil pegang cawan berisi teh tarik
atas feri berlatarbelakangkan komtar
last 2 weeks or so kitorg dpt jemputan gi kenduri salah seorang kawan kami, tasnim di kepala batas, penang. tgk penang masa tu aku dah, "jauhnyaaa". sume org yg selalu aku join pun senyap je, so mmg big possibility xde org plan nak gi sana la kot.
pastu bermesej2an dgn farah, kot la dia nak gi n tgh cari org. tgk2 dia pun malas nak bawak keta. sekali dia msg, "... ke ko rajin nak drive haha bleh rase naik ***z ko tu tet!!". ide yg baik nih. pastu aku pun ckp ha boleh try tanya bapak aku dulu, pastu nak tanya2 org lain sapa2 lagi nak join.
awal2 tu mmg parents aku x kasik. kata jauh la, keta aku tu x stabil la. mcm nak nangis la jugak, apsal aku buat sume xleh, org lain buat sume ok je. kalau keta tu x ok, apsal suh aku beli dulu. mmg ingat x jadi la ni, tapi aku suh gak farah bookkan bilik. last2 hari khamis tu bapak aku ckp, "kalau awak nak sgt, ok lah." the closest to a greenlight i've ever got. yeehaa road trip bebeh!
so di waktu officematesku sedang sibuk menikmati juadah jamuan awal tahun, aku sibuk bersms / call nak organize itinerary. sume pun duk jauh2 tu... dari desa pandan sampai la ke kuala kangsar aku nak kena amik. n had to try to make it to tasnim's place by 1 pm (time dia sanding).
on D day, x bangun lewat pun, tapi biasa la kelam-kabut sume kan. pastu keluar2 rumah je keta dah beratur. cis terlupa sabtu ada sekolah ganti. bersusun kereta kat mana2 jln pun. adehhh kul berapa mau sampai desa pandan nih. last2 7:30 baru masuk highway, awalnya janji 7:30 amik eyan dulu. campur sesat2 nak cari rumah eyan lagi. tapi alhamdulillah berjaya sampai jugak.
ard 9 sampai bukit beruntung lak, amik farah. disbbkan kami sume belum breakfast, singgah kedai mamak makan roti canai. 930 baru bertolak ke kuala kangsar lak amik sedah. err aku kena syarat sebenarnya nak drive ni: kena drive <100kmh. tabley tahan beb, highway ke utara sume lurus bak bendul. boleh syok2 drive, farah tegur, "tet... tu dah 120 tu." terus terngiang2 kata2 bapak aku. terpaksa slow down. akhirnya around 11 sampai rumah sedah. maka bertolaklah kami berempat ke rumah tasnim.
nak kirakan, sepatutnya ada 5 org, sbb azian dari perlis pun nak join. mula2 dia ingat nak drive, tapi since kekla (kawan lagi sorg) x dpt join, dia pikir nak naik bas. aku pun siap ckp, ok je boleh jemput dia kat butterworth. hehe tapi dlm hati dah terpikir alamak kena make another stop. tapi last2 x jadi, sbb ingatkan dia nak drive jugak tapi x jadi akhirnya. so kami berempat je le.
430 km later, sampai la kami ke rumah tasnim.
to be continued...
::You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real::
some things are better left unsaid.
not this one.
semlm on the way nak balik rumah, and on the way to the train stop (yg agak jauh dari turnstile tpt masuk itu), aku terperasan (as in noticed ye, bukan perasan) ada satu mat salleh ni jln dgn slownya kat depan. boleh tahan tinggi jugak la, tapi aku mcm x sure dia ni tourist ke expat, sbb dia xde bawak gargantuan backpack or pakai sneakers / sport shoes. pastu gaya jalan dia pun mcm pelik, tangan dia mcm extra lembut. hehe x tau mcm mana nak explain, mcm ayun laik siket kot?
anyway, mat salleh ni gi approach sorg minah ni (yg kat depan aku jugak). dlm hati terpikir oo mat salleh ni nak tanya direction kot... ceh aku pun mentally prepared apa nak dickp in case dia tanya aku pulak lepas tu (haha xleh tgk org dlm kesusahan la kononnya ni). tapi aku pun mcm nak cepat jln jugak, so mcm x dgr / x perasan apa jadi dgn diorg 2 org tu.
as expected, mat salleh tu approached aku pulak. tiba2 terdgr, "mau gi mana?" mmg serious off-guard time tu. ye la, i was expecting a question in english. muka mat salleh hidung mancung rambut blonde tiba2 ckp melayu (yg slang ala2 typical bangla), terkedu la kejap.
MS: mau gi mana?
A: balik.
MS: turun mana?
A: bangi.
MS: kerja sini?
A: yes.
MS: sudah ada boyfriend?
-aa time ni aku dah confuse dah nih. apa ke hey nak tanya pasal aku ada bf ke tak. nak je aku jawab, "none of your business" or "tiada kena-mengena dgn kamu" or "why are you asking?" tapi aku pun confuse nak jawab dlm bm ke english. last2 aku geleng kepala je.
MS: sudah ada suami?
A: -geleng-.
MS: mau kawan sama saya? mau teman saya jalan2?
-this is usually the part where ppl used phrases like "whadaf**" or "WTH??". and i'm pretty sure i heard 'kawin' instead of 'kawan', tapi mcm x konsisten lak dgn the rest of the conversation, so let it be at 'kawan'. serious aku confuse, marah pun ada. aku terbayang mcm dlm manga / anime, yg tiba2 org tua tanya kat HS girls ajak gi teman diorg karaoke mcm tu. me n my imaginations.
anyway bila dia ulang2 soalan yg sama tu byk kali siap hulur tangan sume, aku pun start angkat kaki dgn lagi tinggi (i.e. jln lagi laju). hehe takut duh nak toleh belakang sume. pdhal ramai je org.
haha k syud ckp ntah2 mcm kes serina&gavin, yg mula2 kenal buat2 x tau, last2 kawin. sorry naik lori le... apa kelas ngorat kat komuter. err and i'm not that desperate to be involved, married etc.. agaknya la. xkan la apa jua yg dtg approach aku aku kena take it as a potential husband? ngeri tu.
ainur ckp kat haritu, "kat dayabumi tu ramai je hot engineers, apsal xde yg sangkut tet?" boleh tak tanya balik, "mana?"
ok chiow.
::Men are rewarded or punished not for what they do but for how their acts are defined. That is why men are more interested in better justifying themselves than in better behaving themselves.::
i think i've stated it before; there are times when who says it matters.
no doubt everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but to shape your argument or so-called findings so as to fit the mold of what you have in mind or worse yet, of what you're influenced to believe in? now that's twisted. vicious even.
yes i know there must be a pro-gov or anti-gov or opposition or neutral parties/organizations in order to create a balance of the nation, but a reason of just cause is simply not enough. xkan la sbb itu sume dtg dari kerajaan, maka ia patut ditentang? similarly, xkan la sbb yg cadangkan itu pihak pembangkang, maka ia patut ditentang? itu buta tuli namanya.
mmg sgt pelik la tgk org argue bukan main pdhal beneath all the wordings kita pun tau apa yg dia cuba tegakkan: tindakan pihak itu salah, which is NOT even a conclusion or an opinion to the issue at hand. not that hard to deduce, now there's internet and whatnot. x berapa susah nak detect org yg bentangkan arguments dia based on apa yg dia nak cuba sampaikan at the end of the day (err contohnya mcm debaters boleh? heheh). yg kdg2 aku geram bila kaburkan semua tu dgn ayat quran or hadith or fiqh, etc. seolah2 betul sgt la apa yg diorg tegakkan tu, and berdosa sgt la org yg anggap benda tu salah. at the very least, they use SAT words. hey, appearance is everything. would you believe an accusation on a filthy piece of paper? of course not, kurang2 kena la pakai statutory declaration kan.
or maybe i'm just biased. who doesn't?
ok chiow.
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