revelation(s)

::Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.::

my world is getting smaller.

tahun ni aku mcm xde gi mana2 pun for vacation other than pangkor. well, haritu ada gak gi melaka, tapi itu pun just naik cruise sepjg sungai apetah for 45 mins. jln2 sekitar melaka pun x sempat.

my SIL once said (not directly to me, but you know how it goes in a family; abang -> adik -> akak) that if she were me, she'd spend all the money on traveling and pampering herself. that's the thing: she's not me.

aku selalu rasa aku dah berbelanja lebih dr yg sepatutnya, so nnt akan rasa bersalah kalau nak guna duit lagi. maybe sebenarnya x lebih mana pun, tapi still risau aa bila tgk account balance x sebyk mana. lagipun, susah mau cari geng. bukan sume org available at the same time. tapi main concern is duit la.

plus, how can you not be worried when everybody around you has already moved one BIG step ahead of you? 90% of my peers either dah beli rumah, or dah kahwin, and/or dah ada anak. aku baru bayar duit keta pun dah rasa boleh berpeluh ketiak. tu x campur lagi kdg2 nak belanja family, friends, cats, etc.

which brings me to another concern: is this my dream job/ the job i wanted? (just feel the need to separate those two)

bukan nak angkat bakul sendiri, tapi rata2 org yg aku jumpa bila aku ckp aku kerja apa, diorg akan ckp, "apsal ko x nak cari kerja lain?" or "kat XXX ada opening. apa lagi?" or "ko lagi berpotensi utk pergi lebih jauh lagi." okay, maybe not verbatim, but along that line la hehe.

hehe awal2 dulu rasa syok aa kan, ye la dlm msia ni berapa je yg se'kufu' dgn aku, tapi bila lama2 rasa mcm x ke mana je. teringat gak kawan aku ckp dulu, "kalau org rasa kerja ni x bagus, apa salahnya kita buat sampai org nampak kerja ni bagus?" initially mcm tu la niat aku. konon biar la org nampak mcm kerja tah apa2 je, tapi in the future boleh la berkembang maju, world class yada yada yada. tapi tula, lama2 semangat tu pun hilang.

heh, maybe it's just temporary. i hope it's just temporary. kot2 x lama lagi ada satu rahmat dtg pastu boleh menaikkan semangat aku balik. baru rasa syok je dtg kerja. pernah terbaca dulu kalau rasa x senang hati walaupun duit byk, itu menandakan rezeki tu xde barakah. na'uzubillaah, mintak dijauhkan. hidup x berkat x ke mana.

ok chiow.