no limit

::The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.::

one fine day in kota kinabalu, aku masuk ke kedai mesra petronas sbb nak cucuk duit. selepas urusan, aku pun bergegas ke pintu utk keluar, sbb x nak org lain tunggu. by org lain i mean my mother and a few makciks and pakciks and cousins.

on the way nak keluar tu, tiba2 kedgran lagu moves like jagger. sayup2 je gitu. terus aku gelabah. bukak beg. masa tu baru aku teringat, my ringtone is no longer that maroon 5's song. by that time dah terlewat aah, adik cashier tu dah tgk aku lain mcm je. mesti dia pelik, apsal minah ni tiba2 rotate badan pastu dgn kalutnya bukak beg, pastu senyum sorang2. gila ke apa.

i never cease to amaze me.

sometimes i wonder, what do ppl think when they see me. heck do they even see me.

not like i like being seen. i mean, if it's for the wrong reasons.

daym tiba2 teringat one of my bosses yg tau aku gi camping kat hutan belum, ada la borak2 dgn dia. aku cerita la ada air terjun, xde bilik air. sekali bos tanya, "mandi la kat air terjun tu?" zuppp terus mata dia scanned my body. @##$&% betulla aku rasa time tu. terus rasa nak tahan nafas pun ada (sbb perut agak buncit hehe). tapi aaaa benci aa kalau jadi mcm tu. i felt violated. okay maybe i'm exaggerating, but still, can anybody feel comfortable when ppl feast their eyes on you (okay xde la feast sgt pun, more like a sip of some bitter tea je kot). and i'm not even good looking to begin with. mcm mana la yg duk pakai sexy 24/7 boleh tahan dgn mata2 semua org.

so i come up with a conclusion: when you have a protruding belly, and you're wearing a baju kurung, your V stands out a wee bit too much. don't ask me to explain what i mean by V. how's that for motivation?

ok chiow.

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the way we see it

::The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts.::


it's been a while.

not much of an update (i don't think it ever is... hehe), just trying to jot down sth that might as well been forgotten but worth mentioning.

ingat nak cerita pasal trip ke gold coast dan geneva/munich (dan hutan belum!), tapi seriously malas... and my storytelling skills have gone haywire. more importantly, i'm starting to lose grip on how to make readers to stay until the last letter / character. more and more bloggers, fb-ers, twitters (or tweeters? twitterers?) and other online portals make much more sense than i ever will be... rasa kerdil gila baca penulisan org lain. but deleting this is not an option. i love writing, i love knowing other ppl read my writings. i love imagining that somewhere out there, there are ppl who still think that what i wrote matters. haha tunggang terbalik betul la ko ni tet. kejap suka kejap tak. oh what the hell.

there's this one time while i was in munich, we participants were invited to join in on a tour to deutsches museum. masa tunggu our private guide tu, borak2 dgn examiner dari EPO (european patent office). dia tanya sorang2 dari mana, what do you think of munich, how do you like it here, etc. oh let me introduce the participants:

...or not. senang cerita, ada 3 major groups: the arabs (peserta dari jordan n saudi), the bosnians (dari bosnia - 3 org), the russians (uzbek, tajikistan, belarus). mmg obvious la group2 ni, sbb berckp dlm bahasa diorg. so yg tinggal aku n examiner from republic of korea. so EPO examiner ni ckp la sth like "oo diorg sume ada group masing2, korang berdua pun boleh buat group la.. the asian group." pastu boleh pulak examiner korea ni ckp, "yes we are getting more intimate with each other."

darn time tu aku dah mcm blur jap. i was like, "hmm i wonder if he means 'intimate' as 'getting to know each other better' or the other kind of intimate", tapi dlm hati je la. sbb korean ni pun english xde la perfect, mcm biasa la ada salah translate sana sini. so dgn bersangka baiknya, aku assume org lain pun paham yg kenal dgn lebih rapat gitu la.

tapinyaa..... EPO examiner ni boleh buat tgn mcm 'ok stop there... TMI' sambil sebut "whoa." siottttt now i'm pretty sure he misinterpreted it as the other kind of intimate. pastu aku lak serba-salah. patut ke aku nak betulkan salah tanggapan dia tu? ke aku je yg salah paham semua benda? tapi masa tu aku rasa mcm awkward gila aah. ciss betulla.

haha sekian cerita picisan utk kali ini.

ok chiow.

cerita tergantung xde penutup.

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rock bottom

::Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.::

have you ever felt that you did something so horrible, you know there is no way to atone for that... misdoing.

or that you wanted to regret the things you've done, but even the tears could not give you the comfort you badly needed. to signal that there is hope.

in short: you feel hopeless. doomed. marred. scarred.

is that even possible?

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reminiscence

haha almost terlupa kewujudan sesi ini. nasib baik ada google+ hehe.

rupa2nya aku x letak langsung eh gambar konvo kat sini. letak kat fb je. yg ni punya sesi lagi la, sesi amik skrol rasanya, the week after convocation week. ada aku, k syud n ily je. rasanya dah puasa dah time ni. merata kitorg pi nak amik gambar, dgn gambar kat depan pintu gerbang lagi. haha malu seh.. oh jap ini gambarnya:

siap org hon2 lagi kat situ, ye la simpang empat yg ada traffic light tu. ah lantak, kenangan terindah ni tau hehe.

would i repeat it? erm not sure. penat aah belajar buat assignment stay up research gi library and whatnot. best mmg best, tapi the 'x best' part pun byk gak. xpe la pengalaman.

ok chiow.

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that time of the year?

::Envy is like a fly that passes all the body's sounder parts, and dwells upon the sores.::

di suatu senja di musim nan lalu mlm, baru lepas makan apetah. aku basuh mulut kat singki, pastu capai area leher baju aku nak lap mulut, pastu tiba2 rasa mcm pedih kat bibir. i was like, uish xkan lap mulut guna baju terus terluka bibir kot? pastu aku tgk kat cermin ada mcm satu bunjut cenonet. daym cold sores!

hari ni dah hari ketiga, dia dah makin membengkak. eee benci laaa. aku ni under a lot of stress ke? hmmm maybe la kot. tapi benci laa rasa nak cabut bibir ni nak bilas bersih2.

this weekend dah la ada kursus, next week bertugas pulak. bertambah2 la stres aku ni.

rasa nak amik cuti, pastu duduk diam2 kat tpt yg xde org kacau. mcm ada pun.

ok chiow.

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talk to the hand

Seringkali kau panggil aku

Kau tak peduli waktu tidurku

Dah berkali-kali aku abaikanmu

Hentikanlah, hentikanlah

grrrr

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benefit sharing

::There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.::

i know it's a bit late, but... RAMADHAN MUBARAK!

let's talk about public speaking. not, let's not.

aku sgt tak suka jadi center of attention. aku x suka semua org tertumpu kat aku, eyeing my every movement. aku akan cepat rasa gelabah, rasa sumbang-mambang je langkah tu. and for that reason, i don't like speaking in front of an audience. having a conversation, gossiping, no problemo. kasi talk? ceramah? NO. maybe it depends on who my audience is. mcm kalau kawan2 sendiri, maybe aku x kisah (tapi aku rasa aku kdg2 nervous gak)

last aku buat presentation depan org adalah may last year kot. masa kelas. itu pun ok la, sbb classmate ada <10 orang, pastu sume pun dah kenal since 1st sem. tadi aku kena buat presentation. mula2 kena present time dept meeting. aku fikir ok la, sume pun kenal dah. informal pun. sekali dpt tau kena present depan big boss (loosely used here). masa ni aku sgt cuak, sbb... haha ada la sebabnya. and semlm aku dpt tau kena present depan whole division (ok la exaggerate, 2 depts to be exact). and big boss and his henchmen *gulp*

how did i feel? man i could literally feel sth's racing up my throat. bukan setakat rama2 je, aku rasa ada kr-r-r-raken dlm perut aku ni (kebetulan lak baru makan sotong goreng tepung weekend haritu heheh). sume sakit la aku rasa nak datang; selsema, batuk, demam, tibi, cirit-birit... gila aah rasa nak nangis pun ada.

pagi tadi, aku rasa mcm nak gi pengsan je kat mana-mana. nak sorok kat toilet pastu tutup lampu sume. the moment right before i started my presentation, aku rasa nak lari keluar. i could barely pronounce the 1st syllable i should say. kawan2 aku pun cakap, obvious aku nervous.

aku rasa aku nervous coz i was so afraid of screwing up. in front of big bosses no less. ye la wey x pasal2 kang ketua ko pun kena balun sekali sbb ada anak buah mcm ni. i was too caught up in that mindset, i let it eat me. lagi rasa nak lari sbb ada satu part tu aku mcm blank. pdhal aku dah rehearse dah mlm tadi. siap aaa aaa aaa kat mic lagi. hahahaha dammit. jatuh reputasi.

sekali sampai satu part tu, big boss tanya aku soalan dgn penuh santai. dan berjaya juga aku jawab. pastu it kinda sparked interest among the participants la (konon, tulis je la colleagues haha). mcm baru la dgr oohh aah. kalau tak dgr org cuci tingkap je.

and susprisingly, lepas tu baru aku ok. kiranya aku rasa mcm excited lak nak ckp. haha pastu kawan aku ckp mcm obvious sgt masa nak sampai part conclusion tu suara aku mcm relieved gila. i mean, CONCLUSION mannn!

adakah aku ketakutan kerisauan tu hanyalah utk sesuatu yg tiada? maybe. moral of the story: don't let fear hold you back. it's all in your mind.

and of course, it helps if you actually know what you're talking about.

relieved? you betcha.

ok chiow.

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kenangan silam

::So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.::

aku baru perasan friendster dah ubah wajah. well somebody did tell me friendster was moving towards becoming entertainment-oriented, but i thought it would be add-on to the existing friendster. that our old profiles, pics etc would still be there. darn i was wrong. terlepas lak notice kata nak delete sume tu.

blog lama aku dah hilang! sob sob.

padan la haritu aku try masuk chrome ckp x jumpa page. ingatkan ofis yg block ke, ada tukar apa2 kasi xleh ke, under maintenance ke. cis cis cis.

mcm ni la aku rasa masa my 1st blog dulu kena delete. haha not exactly my blog, blog yg ada byk writers, tapi aku je yg semangat tulis hehe. moderator bukan aku pulak tu, mmg hak dia la nak delete ('thanks' for the heads up, hilmi! ;p).

tiba2 je rasa fehlong jap. kenangan tuu... and boleh nampak my writing skills have gone downhill. biasa la dulu semangat nak cuba new words and phrases. sekarang ni grammar pun dah tunggang-langgang. budak urban lepasan pmr pun lagi power rasanya.

hopefully this one can live up to its predecessors. haha like they have a good rep to begin with.

ok chiow.

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no questions asked

::Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.::

sorry...

lama siot x update. busy aah. well not that busy. i just don't have the mood.

been questioning myself lately. aku rasa lagi aku meningkat umur ni, bakti dan jasa pd diri sendiri, keluarga, negara, agama etc makin kurang. aku pun dah x tau apa purpose aku kat dunia ni (no i'm not saying i'm considering suicide or have given up hope or anything). aku just rasa aku lagi byk buat dosa je. lagi byk buang masa.

ah mainan perasaan je tu. syuh syuh gi main jauh2.

aku tau, setiap perkara yg terjadi tu ada sebabnya. utk menguji. makanya, adakah aku tewas?

apa aku mengarut nih hehe.

org kata bila kita hendak dptkan sesuatu, kita kena usaha. kena improve. sekarang ni aku rasa byk lagi benda yg aku x dpt lagi. so by right aku kena usaha dan perbaiki sesuatu utk dptkan benda2 itu. but right now, i think i've been doing the same things for the past 2 years or so. maybe i've changed the method here and there, but nevertheless my life's pretty much the same. so based on the lack of effort / improvement, would i get what i want? NO.

thing is, i'm so content with where i am at the moment, i don't want to jinx it. i just want to let things to be just the way they are. if changes are needed, then it won't come from me. let the nature do the talking (or walking?).

penakut? maybe. atau aku yg x mau salah langkah. i'm too old to test the water. i'd rather analyze the details and characteristics of the water then delve right into it (or not, depending my analysis).

gila poetic. haha lantak ah. otak bercelaru.

ok chiow.

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mundane

lamanya x update. serious x tau nak tulis apa actually. sbb sume benda aku dah tulis kot? erk or is it because the things that are happening to / around me are things that i'd rather keep to myself? hmm probably.

gula dah naik harga, milo pun dah naik harga. dgr ron95 pun naik gak. i mean, once they go up, they can never go back down. tapi kalau diorg review gaji pun, barang2 lain tetap naik pulak. sejajar dgn kos katanya. blergh.

haha tapi dlm naik2 harga barang pun, sempat gak nak gi bercuti yeahoo! ye la plan dari last year ni wey. err xde la plan sgt pun, baru 2-3 minggu ni je kelam-kabut siket. semoga percutian seindah yg diimpikan insyaAllah. seriously.

erk ada urgent meeting. ok chiow.

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one of those days

hulloh.

just finished vacuum cleaning the carpet in my bedroom. tips: find a furless cat as your pet. sphinx (sp?) maybe is the best option. or just consider it as one of the ways to exercise. still boleh ramai rakyat msia yg kegemukan.

err mcm terkena btg hidung sendiri jek hehe.

berpeluh seh, siap ada satu titisan peluh jatuh mendarat kat kepala vacuum cleaner tu. n one more on my glasses. belum campur yg ke carpet itu sendiri. ew. sign of being healthy, i guess? haha perasan.

nak bersiap to kenduri lennie. one of the much awaited weddings among my friends. mesti sume org pun mcm, "finally~". hehe lennie if you're reading this: CONGRATULATIONSSSSSSS!

ok chiow.

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a bump in the road

::Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk.::

lama x update.

some of the advice i got during one of my outings with my wonderful friends recently:

- on bowling: "main pakai otak."

- on meeting new people: "ko ni suka rushing kan.", "kalau setakat nak isi masa lapang, go on."

haha ceh 3 je. ada lagi, tapi x teringat lak sekarang.

i better stick to routines. routine brings out the best in me... i think.

yes i'm a boring person. i love being boring. haha statement makan diri nih.

ok chiow.

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buzz off lah!

::There is no faculty of the human soul so persistent and universal as that of hatred::

wey enough la wey

rentetan daripada peristiwa aku dapat call berkaitan i-kasih, t/hari tadi dapat lagi satu call. tapi ni lain la, daripada etika / etiqa takaful maybank pulak. the much shorter version of what had transpired between us:

MrH(-): hello boleh saya bercakap dengan cik SRR?

aku(+): iye saya.

- cik saya daripada etika takaful maybank, nak buat pengesahan atas pelan takaful yg cik amik tahun lepas lah ye.

+ eh bila saya amik?

- bulan 2 2010.

+ oo ok...

- so pelan ni berjalan 2 tahun, kiranya ada lagi setahun lah ye cik. pelan yg cik amik ni, kiranya ada apa2 terjadi pada cik atau waris cik, kami akan tanggung sehingga rm250,000 lah. benda ni expired bulan 3 2012.

+ oo ok

- so kami ni nak buat pengesahan lah. waris cik ni ayah cik kan?

+ ha'ah.

seperti biasa, aku dgn lurus bendulnya menconfirmkan apa2 yg dia ckp; nama, alamat, ic, nama ayah, birthdate ayah, etc. huwaaa why oh why did i fall for the same trap again? stupid stupid. but here's the best part:

- so utk activatekan keahlian cik ni, ikut prosedur saya kena bacakan nombor keahlian 16 digit kredit kad cik, cik kena verify lah ye.

+ no. keahlian ke tu?

- ye cik. so boleh keluarkan cc cik?

+ ok tgh pegang ni.

- so nombornya XXXXXXXXX. betul?

+ ye betul.

- so langkah seterusnya cik kena sebut expiry date cc cik tu.

+ huh? kenapa pulak?

- ini prosedurnya cik.

+ mesti awak dah ada info tu kan. buat apa nak verify pulak. nombor dah ada mesti ada expiry datenya sekali.

- bukan cik. ni mmg langkah utk pengaktifan ni cik. mula2 saya kena baca nombor 16 digit, lepas tu cik kena sebut expiry date kad tu, lepas tu saya sebutkan sth sth (serious aku lupa apa yg dia kena sebut), lepas tu cik pulak sebutkan nombor keahlian 3 digit.

+ eh kejap kejap. nombor keahlian 3 digit yg mana pulak ni?

- (dia ulang balik whole 'procedure'), lepas tu yg last 3 digit nombor.

+ ye saya paham awak dah sebut tadi. nombor 3 digit mana yg awak nak saya sebut tu?

- yg kat belakang kad tu.

+ uish mana boleh bgtau sebarangan nombor tu. matila saya kalau awak tau sume details pasal kad tu. tanpa actual kad pun awak dah boleh guna buat mcm2.

- tapi ni mmg prosedur cik. lagipun saya dah bg nama saya, ic number saya, no telepon saya kat cik kan. kalau ada apa2, saya pecah amanah ke apa ke, cik boleh report polis.

+ saya cek dgn polis dulu la mcm ni

- cik, ni mmg prosedur cik, kalau x xleh diaktifkan pelan takaful tu cik.

+ habis katakan saya x nak bagi details yg awak nak, apa akan jadi? saya boleh cancel ke pelan tu?

- tapi cik (again, dia explain the whole procedure). kalau saya x buat mcm ni, nnt manager saya akan query, nnt akan lagi byk call drpd bank yg cik akan dpt.

+ oklah kalau gitu, saya tunggu je la call drpd manager awak.

- ok kalau apa2 jadi pada waris cik, pihak kami xkan layan ye.

+ ok.

celaka sgt doakan / ugut mcm tu. tapi hampir tertipu la sbb dia ckp etiqa takaful maybank tu kan. and mmg benda tu wujud. tapi mmg aku x ingat la aku ada amik ke x pelan2 mcm ni. mcm impossible je amik x bayar apa2 kan. MO mmg sgt2 sama dgn i-kasih tu, just tukar nama je. x habis2 dgn nombor keahlian 3 digit belakang kad tu.

pastu balik rumah mak aku cite rupa2nya dia dah call rumah dulu nak tanya pasal ni. mak aku dgn lasernya jawab, "nak verify apanya lagi, kalau anak saya dah sign up utk apa2, mesti sume details awak dah ada. buat apa nak verify2 lagi." mmg betul pun kan. dah la benda yg dah berjalan setahun, impossible tiap2 tahun ko nak verify itu ini by phone. ever heard of email?

aku nak report kat mana ek benda2 mcm ni? sgt mengganggu emosi okay. x pasal2 kesian kat MrH tu, sbb aku rasa dia pun kerja cari makan je, dah bos suruh kan. eee tapi geram sgt. to MrH, please go find other job. i'm sure you're wayy smarter than conning ppl like this. dahla dah umur 28 (kalau betul IC num yg dia bg tu la hehe).

rasa mcm nak call pulak hphone num yg dia bagi tu, nak verify betul x tu dia.

ok chiow.

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ahoy visitors!

::You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.::

hehe tiba2 rasa blog ni famous lak.

if you ever feel the need to comment or ask on anything i wrote here, please do. it could also serve as a proof that i'm not doing this for my own sake only. or you can just say hi.

err i don't come off as being desperate, do i? hopefully not. 'coz i'm not.

whatever things i wrote, they are all true. i-kasih or not, hehe.

ok chiow.

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i'm around, i'm OK

::Either I've been missing something or nothing has been going on.::

terasa mcm nak gi jalan-jalan lagi.

dah la matta fair around the corner, air asia pun ada offer. tapi masa pulak x mengizinkan.

erk... mataku dah kero ke?

baik tinggal anak kat bibik mcm tu hehe

huwaaa can't wait for the day where i don't actually care how much money that i have, or how much money left if i spend this much or that much.

will that day ever come?

oh diorg dah betulkan balik. too late!

ok chiow.

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tch tch tch

::There is so much good in the worst of us,

And so much bad in the best of us,
That it hardly behooves any of us
To talk about the rest of us.::

byk kerja. byk tanggungan. byk masalah.

kena byk bersabar, byk mengucap, byk berzikir. byk berfikiran positif.

i think i spent wayy too much time on work. yet still byk kerja tertangguh. ke aku yg kurang bijak membahagikan masa? motivasi kurangkah?

maybe it's the new place. haha ada hati salahkan tempat lak kan, pdhal diri sendiri tu yg dah malas. bukan malas... kerja makin memeningkan. huwaaaa rasa nak gi jalan2...

sekian luahan hati

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chuck-e-cheesy

aaa bila la chuck nak keluar kat astro nih!! rasa mcm nak tgk tangled gak, tunggu keluar tv la kot nnt... zachary levi you are awesomeeee oh and katharine mcphee too hehe.

ok chiow.

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twenny-eleven

::A good resolution is like an old horse, which is often saddled but rarely ridden.::

2011 is heeeeerrre

if by any chance you've been living in a box somewhere deep in the amazonian jungle: WE WON! the msian soccer team, that is. kudos to them (although it would've been sweeter a success if we won the game in indonesia and not only by aggregate).

and to top it off, friday is declared a holiday. tapi agak sucks utk aku, sbb aku mmg dah apply cuti (guna cuti ganti pulak tu, yg xkan meluakkan my annual leave) for that friday. dah la xleh carry fwd cuti tu, sudahnya burn 1 hari. ceh, nyesal tunggu sampai last2 minute.

sbb apa nak cuti? shopping of course. haha jeles la tgk mak n adik2 aku gi shopping sakan time weekdays, mesti x dpt join. nnt beli mcm2, makan mcm2. so dgn semangatnya aku ajak adik aku pikah gi shopping jumaat tu, dgn harapan x ramai org la, with it being a friday and a working day and all. so now you know why i'm not so thrilled with friday being a public holiday... cis dah la 1st time nak gi one utama ni.

err that's right. i've never been to ou! aku lagi selalu tersasul nak sebut ou tersebut uo than the other way around. sbb time kerja kat bangunan lama dulu selalu gi uo (btw it's uda ocean). haha chill, aku pun kdg2 terkejut dgn diri sendiri.

mula2, ramai gila orggg kat ou, nak cari parking pun berpusing2 2-3 kali. my sister was like, "hello whaddaya expect, this is ou ok?" haha agak malu nak ngaku gak la. pastu besar aa ou ni. aku rasa mcm rusa masuk kampung, mata aku duk melilau tgk kedai yg berderet2 itu. adik aku bising sbb aku selalu mcm diri tgh2 jln. like i said, jakun.

disbbkan aku pun mcm in a good mood, plus duit pun mcm byk x luak, boleh katakan sepersalinan lah aku beli haritu. mcm nak raya je heheh. sian pikah sampai sakit kaki koyak ligamen sume sbb teman akaknya yg mmg x pandai shopping ni (katanya...). ye la x syok aa kang aku beli baju yg aku bajet lawa habis, sekali bila tunjuk kat dia dia buat muka mcm aku beli baju roti kirai je... bukan boleh caya adik aku tu.

all in all, aku habis byk duit, tapi aku sgt2 puas hati. dah lama x shopping ni, so to me it's quite an achievement to finish my 2010 this way. haha pastu mlmnya, belum apa2 dah tido. penat duh jln2 sana sini. padanla jessica simpson pernah ckp dia dulu nak exercise gi shopping je.

psst i also bought a new pair of sport shoes! yeay finally. tapi so far kasut2 tu masih berada di stor. tula masalahnya bila bedsheet, pillowcase n comforter pun tukar baru. bau sedap xleh nak bangun dari katil....

ok chiow.

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