no limit

::The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.::

one fine day in kota kinabalu, aku masuk ke kedai mesra petronas sbb nak cucuk duit. selepas urusan, aku pun bergegas ke pintu utk keluar, sbb x nak org lain tunggu. by org lain i mean my mother and a few makciks and pakciks and cousins.

on the way nak keluar tu, tiba2 kedgran lagu moves like jagger. sayup2 je gitu. terus aku gelabah. bukak beg. masa tu baru aku teringat, my ringtone is no longer that maroon 5's song. by that time dah terlewat aah, adik cashier tu dah tgk aku lain mcm je. mesti dia pelik, apsal minah ni tiba2 rotate badan pastu dgn kalutnya bukak beg, pastu senyum sorang2. gila ke apa.

i never cease to amaze me.

sometimes i wonder, what do ppl think when they see me. heck do they even see me.

not like i like being seen. i mean, if it's for the wrong reasons.

daym tiba2 teringat one of my bosses yg tau aku gi camping kat hutan belum, ada la borak2 dgn dia. aku cerita la ada air terjun, xde bilik air. sekali bos tanya, "mandi la kat air terjun tu?" zuppp terus mata dia scanned my body. @##$&% betulla aku rasa time tu. terus rasa nak tahan nafas pun ada (sbb perut agak buncit hehe). tapi aaaa benci aa kalau jadi mcm tu. i felt violated. okay maybe i'm exaggerating, but still, can anybody feel comfortable when ppl feast their eyes on you (okay xde la feast sgt pun, more like a sip of some bitter tea je kot). and i'm not even good looking to begin with. mcm mana la yg duk pakai sexy 24/7 boleh tahan dgn mata2 semua org.

so i come up with a conclusion: when you have a protruding belly, and you're wearing a baju kurung, your V stands out a wee bit too much. don't ask me to explain what i mean by V. how's that for motivation?

ok chiow.

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the way we see it

::The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts.::


it's been a while.

not much of an update (i don't think it ever is... hehe), just trying to jot down sth that might as well been forgotten but worth mentioning.

ingat nak cerita pasal trip ke gold coast dan geneva/munich (dan hutan belum!), tapi seriously malas... and my storytelling skills have gone haywire. more importantly, i'm starting to lose grip on how to make readers to stay until the last letter / character. more and more bloggers, fb-ers, twitters (or tweeters? twitterers?) and other online portals make much more sense than i ever will be... rasa kerdil gila baca penulisan org lain. but deleting this is not an option. i love writing, i love knowing other ppl read my writings. i love imagining that somewhere out there, there are ppl who still think that what i wrote matters. haha tunggang terbalik betul la ko ni tet. kejap suka kejap tak. oh what the hell.

there's this one time while i was in munich, we participants were invited to join in on a tour to deutsches museum. masa tunggu our private guide tu, borak2 dgn examiner dari EPO (european patent office). dia tanya sorang2 dari mana, what do you think of munich, how do you like it here, etc. oh let me introduce the participants:

...or not. senang cerita, ada 3 major groups: the arabs (peserta dari jordan n saudi), the bosnians (dari bosnia - 3 org), the russians (uzbek, tajikistan, belarus). mmg obvious la group2 ni, sbb berckp dlm bahasa diorg. so yg tinggal aku n examiner from republic of korea. so EPO examiner ni ckp la sth like "oo diorg sume ada group masing2, korang berdua pun boleh buat group la.. the asian group." pastu boleh pulak examiner korea ni ckp, "yes we are getting more intimate with each other."

darn time tu aku dah mcm blur jap. i was like, "hmm i wonder if he means 'intimate' as 'getting to know each other better' or the other kind of intimate", tapi dlm hati je la. sbb korean ni pun english xde la perfect, mcm biasa la ada salah translate sana sini. so dgn bersangka baiknya, aku assume org lain pun paham yg kenal dgn lebih rapat gitu la.

tapinyaa..... EPO examiner ni boleh buat tgn mcm 'ok stop there... TMI' sambil sebut "whoa." siottttt now i'm pretty sure he misinterpreted it as the other kind of intimate. pastu aku lak serba-salah. patut ke aku nak betulkan salah tanggapan dia tu? ke aku je yg salah paham semua benda? tapi masa tu aku rasa mcm awkward gila aah. ciss betulla.

haha sekian cerita picisan utk kali ini.

ok chiow.

cerita tergantung xde penutup.

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rock bottom

::Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.::

have you ever felt that you did something so horrible, you know there is no way to atone for that... misdoing.

or that you wanted to regret the things you've done, but even the tears could not give you the comfort you badly needed. to signal that there is hope.

in short: you feel hopeless. doomed. marred. scarred.

is that even possible?

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