alhamdulillah

::Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.::

so finally the result's out. haha somehow aku rasa aku dpt markah kesian. hey as long as i'm graduating.

i've changed so much.

zaman sekolah rendah adalah zaman yg paling relaxing. aku ingat time exam aku selalu paling cepat siap, siap kena sound sbb kacau budak belakang aku. actually more like cuba borak2 dgn budak belakang aku. ye la, sapa tahan duduk diam je sementara nak tunggu masa tamat? haha and homework? kacang goreng. aku boleh balik sekolah terus buat hw, before mak aku balik aku dah boleh siap. and she got back home lunchtime.

and maths was my favorite subject. esp time kat jasin, cikgu aku (i think her name is pn zainon) jenis kasi soalan sampai beratus2 sehari. mmg xyah fikir aa jawab soalan maths. cuma time upsr aku slack siket salah satu soalan (mcm mana aku tau? lepas exam cikgu terus cek jawapan yg aku tanda dlm kertas biru tu). pastu bila balik rumah aku cerita kena marah dgn mak bapak aku pasal salah soalan tu. (baru2 ni aku baru dpt tau yg kawan aku time sekolah rendah dulu ingat bapak aku garang sbb diorg dpt tau aku kena marah sbb x dpt nombor satu). haha old times.

sekarang? xde dah nak fikir dpt betul sume ke x. lebih kepada fikir "kalau aku dpt ni 7 markah, aku kena dpt berapa markah ek utk soalan ni utk lulus?" or there are times i wished that everybody did not so great so the lecturers would 'turunkan graf' a bit.

it's normal then that even to this very day, i would look upon my results and sighed, "apsal laa aku xleh dpt 4.0 mcm diorg?" now i sound like i'm ungrateful. but i'm not. i'm really happy with my result. because i really2 thought i won't make it.

haha sore loser.

maybe deep down inside i know i could've done better. maybe i resent the fact that i'm settled for the bare minimum requirements of life.

oh sudah2 la tu. i should be happy, dpt merasa konvo kat msia pulak.

ok chiow.

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sensitive to the touch

::Fear is the darkroom where the Devil develops his negatives.::

there are times when i think i'm socially inept. err i know i'm socially inept. the thought that i know i'm socially inept makes me becoming more socially inept. sensitif sgt haha.

aku x berapa gemar orang tanya dalam nada negatif. haha aku pun x tau mcm mana nak ckp, tapi ada satu bentuk/jenis ayat/soalan ni yg implies, "why in the world would you [insert verb] that?"

haritu ada org tanya aku, "oo mmg sain ko mcm ni eh?" in my mind, it means, "you mean this stupid-looking signature is permanently and professionally yours?". bab2 ni yg aku rasa champion mmg mak aku la. esp time masak la kan. nnt kang ada je soalan, "awak tak letak [cili/bawang/kicap] eh?" in other words: "apakejadah masak x letak [cili/bawang/kicap]?" maybe it's just me. apa2 pun mmg aku sgt annoyed dgn soalan2 yg merendahkan kredibiliti aku ni. walaupun aku sememangnya layak ditegur. tu yg malas nak masak tu (hehe alasan).

tapi kalau mak aku buat mmg aku x kisah sgt, sbb well, she's my mother. she can say whatever she wants, and i still love her. TAPI bila org luar buat, mmg aku hangin. esp bila soalan2 tu diajukan utk benda2 yg x perlu nak dipersoalkan pun. mcm sain aku la. i mean, why do you care?

ceh aku rasa mcm byk lagi contoh2 lain yg org persoalkan, tapi tgh x ingat pulak.

kalau nak tanya pasal sain aku yg sgt pendek dan comel lote tu, you can ask like this: "eh eh comelnya sign! mmg dari dulu ke guna sign tu?" or kalau pasal masakan, "kenapa x letak lebih [cili/bawang/kicap]?" it gives off a positive / suggestive mood to the question, instead of making it a sarcastic, degrading remark.

it's not the subject matter that i'm annoyed about; it's the wordings, how you approach the subject that annoys me. or maybe it's the person who says it. haha selective betul. so if i ever suddenly become defensive, you know you've hit my sensitive spot.

err is that allowed?

ok chiow.

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it's all in the genes

Mak : Offside tu ape bang?
Abah : Ish awak ni..dah brape tahun dah explain x faham2 jugak. Rafiq tolong explain kat mak jap.
Me : Camni mak, (pause the football match) bila orang ni pass..member dia ni xleh ade kt belakang last defender of the opposition team, cam xleh curi ayam la. Ah tgk tu (play the match back) linesman angkat bendera meaning member dia tu offside.
Mak : Oh so goal spain smlm offside la?
Me: eh taaaaaaak, sebab time num 10 (fabregas) tu pass kt mamat tu, cun2 kaki dia xlepas kaki last defender tu.
Mak : Ooooooooooooohhhhhhh~
Abah : ooo tu faham x?
Mak : tak
Me & Abah : ..................................................


taken from my bro's tumblr.

mak yang kelakar. err more like mula2 dgr annoying tapi bila fikir balik kelakar (selamba je kata mak annoying).

another anecdote:

abang: mak kita dpt kerja kat technology park.
mak: ee toksah la amik kerja tu.
abang: laa apsal? mak x dgr apa pun lagi.
mak: nnt dia cepat tutup.
aku: apsal nak tutup lak? mak pernah dgr ke pasal technology park tu?
mak: mcm theme park theme park tu kan.

yeah you must have confidence to be a mother. kdg2 aku terfikir gak, apa2 yg mak aku ckp before this, are those based on facts or 'motherly instinct'?

ok chiow.

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how normal is normal

frankly i'm tired of guessing the motive behind whatever you do, because there shouldn't be any.

and somewhat pathetic that the more i think of what you've done, the less i think of me. of what i could become.

i can almost imagine people laughing at us behind our backs. all because of you.

if only leaving is an option.

wonder how long we can continue with this farce. and what will happen once it ends.

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woohoo

::Every advantage in the past is judged in the light of the final issue.::

akhirnya!

walaupun aku masih cuak takut kena reseat some of the papers, at least the deed is done. it just makes me questioning the very purpose of staying in this line of work. jawab exam pun terkial2, heheh. well it's not like you have to prepare a licensing agreement (not just this is an agreement between so and so witnesseth that bla bla bla okay, i'm talking about the clauses on license of rights, royalty payment, dispute settlement, the whole nine yards) within one hour when you work in the field, right? meh, dah lepas.

looking fwd to spending my weekend the proper way. lama x tgk hindustan hehe.

tapi serious aa, mmg terasa lapang bila habis exam tu. selalu kalau aku balik kerja pun, kat rumah nnt mesti terfikir2 assignment apa yg x buat lagi, apa point nak letak dlm presentation, etc. walaupun sumenya selalu dlm otak je n the night before the class baru aku tercongok depan pc, the point is i always think about it. sekarang aku balik rumah mcm xde benda nak fikir (ok exaggerate). ada, tapi xde la meresahkan sgt (apsal pelik penggunaan 'resah' itu?)

anyway impian utk menghabiskan x360 games hanyalah tinggal impian. x360 abg aku rosak beyond repair. cis cun2 lak tu timing. hopefully abang aku akan beli x360 yg baru. tak pun aku masuk pertandingan mana2 pastu menang dpt xbox360 hehe.

speaking of which, aku masih dalam dilema, sama ada nak masuk yoonit trust (haha a lame attempt to block unwanted comments/hits) atau tidak. ada org kata bagus, ada kata x. ada org kata peluang keemasan, ada kata daylight robbery. masa makin berjalan tick tock tick tock. aduii apsal la aku x ada suami yg kaya-raya. ke akukah yg tidak bersyukur? ke those are two separate issues altogether?

ada org dah cop aku jadik housemate "kalau kita idop sorang2". sedih gila ayat. i highly doubt that though. err more like 'i hope not'.

aku prefer cerita cougartown dari glee. lagu2 dlm glee sedap tapi. and i never watch desperate housewives. or how i met your mother, or gossip girl. well i did watch gg once, and i was like, wth cerita pasal kawan makan kawan buat clique pastu buruk2kan each other anak orang kaya. ke sbb satu ep je heheh. and, x hensem pun hero2 dlm tu. setakat rahang tajam je. my alltime favs: csi + house (sekarang +ncis:la, castle, leverage dgn ada lagi satu yg jadik doktor kat kawasan elite duduk kat guesthouse boris, lupa nama). sign of aging?

ok chiow.

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