isn't it ironic

::A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.::

haha i know it's kinda late to write sth on michael jackson, but hey, the man himself has yet to be buried.

not much to write, really. i mean, yea he's broken the racial barrier on mtv or sth like that (that's what the papers in msia wrote repeatedly anyway), but the time he did it i couldn't care less about music. all i know was i know michael jackson, a singer. mcm aku tahu pun amerika dulu sejauh mana dari msia, or how globally popular he was that time.

anyway, i think i got to know his popularity better bila pakcik aku beli vcd (or was it vhs? lupa) yg ada all his video clips, and ada tunjuk pompuan2 menangis sampai pengsan bila tgk patung dia tu (err does that really exist? i have no clue). ditambah pulak dgn cerita2 hebat dr pakcik aku n sepupu2 aku (who obviously had been 'poisoned' by my uncle hehe), aku pun agak impressed dgn michael jackson.

then when i went to the US, what was usually talked about was MJ's weird behavior, and his weirder what's-left-of-his face. already the media labelled him as 'has-been'. rasanya dlm list celebrity makeover, 2nd place is MJ, the 1st place is his nose. so inadvertently i thought of MJ sama je mcm other 'has been' artistes. even his 'invincible' album didn't receive a good review (based on 'entertainment weekly' that i subsribed okay hehe). so no legendary whatsoever there.

then all of a sudden, when he died, he's a hero. don't be surprised when soon somebody will come out with a theory that MJ is still alive, he's faking his death to avoid bla bla bla.

anyway, i digressed.

i think what i remember most about michael jackson is how his name is applied in a formula that i still remember until today:

"[M]ichael [J]ackson [k]ills [h]is [b]rother [i]n [U]SA"

[M]erah [J]ingga [k]uning [h]ijau [b]iru [i]ndigo [u]ngu

that's about it. err fikir2 balik mcm kejam gak formula tu. nasib baik x jadi betul, kot x mengukuhkan lagi la kata2 itu doa. ye la, sume org yg amik pmr duk ulang2 ayat tu je kan.

RIP

ok chiow.

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the veiled intention

::A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?::

hulloh.

the 1st time i ever heard someone said it was in one of ANTM episodes (yes, i do watch them hehe). don't remember which cycle, or which contestant, but you know lah how it goes in a reality show: one always wants to outshine another, by any means necessary. the contestants were arguing over the unadaptability of one of them with other ppl, etc. then that person said, "this is not american's next top... best friend."

i remember thinking, "kerek gila minah ni. x nak kawan org... sure ko x menang." and that's about it.

until recently, when somebody said to me about our other friend, "lantaklah, i dtg sini bukan nak buat kawan, i dtg nak belajar." and again some 2 mths later, within that same circle of friends. err can i say it's a selfish thing to say? sbb bila sume baik belaka, mengaku kawan, tapi once we're hurt, suddenly we're in a i-won't-bother-to-know-you-if-not-for-this-stupid-thingy kind of relationship.

then again, sometimes i do think that way. sth like, at the end of the day, there's always a wall dividing us, and i don't intend to break that wall. esp when things don't go the way i want la kan hehe. err is that normal? or should i treat everybody equally?

maybe it all comes down to how we define friends. i, for one, won't certainly befriending anyone just because he/she could benefit me in terms of that he/she could bail me out whenever i got into trouble, or give me further discounts during sale. mcm mak aku selalu ckp pasal kawan2 bapak aku la. dah pencen sume senyap. kalau x, sibuk je tunjuk muka kasik hadiah itu ini.

how to get friends is one thing; how to keep friends? yg ni aku admit aku mmg lemah bab ni. i don't think i like to go out that much, and i don't think i like to talk that much, so by ppl's general definition mmg aku x best diajak borak la agaknya. also most probably because i decline invitations more than i accept, so gradually the offer decreases. not that i mind though, i really don't know what to talk about when i go out. i'd rather listen. so sometimes i don't know what to say when ppl ask me, "kenapa diam je? apa cite terbaru?" (damn apakah ini? self-pity? hehe)

lagipun, just because we don't keep ourselves updated about each other, doesn't mean we aren't friends anymore, right? friendship is much more complex than that. kalau x sama je la mcm main any sim games je: x contact, putus kawan (which is why i suck big time in sim-alike games... xde keja aku tiap2 hari nak call kawan2 sume). erk, life imitates art? or is it because i think friends are 2nd wayyyy below family?

also, i think i've seen enough of ppl change because of their friends; good and bad. in some way, i don't want to be influenced by the things i want to avoid (they won't call it peer pressure for nothing), and another thing, i want to escape the responsibility of making things right. while the 'right' stuff for me may not be 'right' for others, still i don't want to go home thinking, "what the hell happened?"

no, i'm not wallowing in self-pity. i'm not trying to blame anybody. i'm just analyzing. re-evaluating. should i change the way i perceive life? or am i still in the right direction? or are these just made-up excuses?

cerita ini sungguh tidak tersusun.

ok chiow.

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di suatu senja...

::di musim yang lalu::

"k yan! dah bukak gate belum?" started off the engine.

"dah." pressed remote button.

"ok." got into car, chatted a bit, pikah reversed the car.

tiba-tiba... GEDEGANG!

"hah? bunyi apa tu?" xkan langgar kucing bunyi mcm tu kot? what else could it be? *glanced at side mirror* gate bukak dah. kedepankan keta. got off car.

tgk2 gate aku bukak one side je. tersalah tekan button la pulak... aisehmen.

"ok, tutup balik, pastu bukak dua2."

"teruk ke?"

"siket je.. ada line hitam siket aah." dlm hati kitorg, mampus kena marah dgn mak bapak aku nnt.

tried to close and reopen the gate, but failed. apsal lak nih?

tgk2... stopper dah senget. xleh bukak gate. sudah... dah boleh bayangkan the words coming out fr mak abah storming into our ears... alaa mcm mana nihhhh

"eh sampai senget nih ha."

"dah tu? sah2 langgo dgn keta. bukannya dgn tangan." siot nak bebel lak. try nak bengkokkan balik, tapi obviously xleh. besi tu.

"k yan la nih... bukak sebelah je apsal."

"ada lak... pikah reverse tgk la belakang."

"tgk la remote tu betul2."

"selalu kan button belah kanan. mana tau yg ni tiba2 belah kiri."

mesti lepas ni kalau mak aku gi mana2 bilangan dia call rumah berganda2 byknya. eee geram kat diri sendiri.

just when i thought i'm independent enough to live on my own, without mak's constant supervising...

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