isn't it ironic

::A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.::

haha i know it's kinda late to write sth on michael jackson, but hey, the man himself has yet to be buried.

not much to write, really. i mean, yea he's broken the racial barrier on mtv or sth like that (that's what the papers in msia wrote repeatedly anyway), but the time he did it i couldn't care less about music. all i know was i know michael jackson, a singer. mcm aku tahu pun amerika dulu sejauh mana dari msia, or how globally popular he was that time.

anyway, i think i got to know his popularity better bila pakcik aku beli vcd (or was it vhs? lupa) yg ada all his video clips, and ada tunjuk pompuan2 menangis sampai pengsan bila tgk patung dia tu (err does that really exist? i have no clue). ditambah pulak dgn cerita2 hebat dr pakcik aku n sepupu2 aku (who obviously had been 'poisoned' by my uncle hehe), aku pun agak impressed dgn michael jackson.

then when i went to the US, what was usually talked about was MJ's weird behavior, and his weirder what's-left-of-his face. already the media labelled him as 'has-been'. rasanya dlm list celebrity makeover, 2nd place is MJ, the 1st place is his nose. so inadvertently i thought of MJ sama je mcm other 'has been' artistes. even his 'invincible' album didn't receive a good review (based on 'entertainment weekly' that i subsribed okay hehe). so no legendary whatsoever there.

then all of a sudden, when he died, he's a hero. don't be surprised when soon somebody will come out with a theory that MJ is still alive, he's faking his death to avoid bla bla bla.

anyway, i digressed.

i think what i remember most about michael jackson is how his name is applied in a formula that i still remember until today:

"[M]ichael [J]ackson [k]ills [h]is [b]rother [i]n [U]SA"

[M]erah [J]ingga [k]uning [h]ijau [b]iru [i]ndigo [u]ngu

that's about it. err fikir2 balik mcm kejam gak formula tu. nasib baik x jadi betul, kot x mengukuhkan lagi la kata2 itu doa. ye la, sume org yg amik pmr duk ulang2 ayat tu je kan.

RIP

ok chiow.

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the veiled intention

::A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?::

hulloh.

the 1st time i ever heard someone said it was in one of ANTM episodes (yes, i do watch them hehe). don't remember which cycle, or which contestant, but you know lah how it goes in a reality show: one always wants to outshine another, by any means necessary. the contestants were arguing over the unadaptability of one of them with other ppl, etc. then that person said, "this is not american's next top... best friend."

i remember thinking, "kerek gila minah ni. x nak kawan org... sure ko x menang." and that's about it.

until recently, when somebody said to me about our other friend, "lantaklah, i dtg sini bukan nak buat kawan, i dtg nak belajar." and again some 2 mths later, within that same circle of friends. err can i say it's a selfish thing to say? sbb bila sume baik belaka, mengaku kawan, tapi once we're hurt, suddenly we're in a i-won't-bother-to-know-you-if-not-for-this-stupid-thingy kind of relationship.

then again, sometimes i do think that way. sth like, at the end of the day, there's always a wall dividing us, and i don't intend to break that wall. esp when things don't go the way i want la kan hehe. err is that normal? or should i treat everybody equally?

maybe it all comes down to how we define friends. i, for one, won't certainly befriending anyone just because he/she could benefit me in terms of that he/she could bail me out whenever i got into trouble, or give me further discounts during sale. mcm mak aku selalu ckp pasal kawan2 bapak aku la. dah pencen sume senyap. kalau x, sibuk je tunjuk muka kasik hadiah itu ini.

how to get friends is one thing; how to keep friends? yg ni aku admit aku mmg lemah bab ni. i don't think i like to go out that much, and i don't think i like to talk that much, so by ppl's general definition mmg aku x best diajak borak la agaknya. also most probably because i decline invitations more than i accept, so gradually the offer decreases. not that i mind though, i really don't know what to talk about when i go out. i'd rather listen. so sometimes i don't know what to say when ppl ask me, "kenapa diam je? apa cite terbaru?" (damn apakah ini? self-pity? hehe)

lagipun, just because we don't keep ourselves updated about each other, doesn't mean we aren't friends anymore, right? friendship is much more complex than that. kalau x sama je la mcm main any sim games je: x contact, putus kawan (which is why i suck big time in sim-alike games... xde keja aku tiap2 hari nak call kawan2 sume). erk, life imitates art? or is it because i think friends are 2nd wayyyy below family?

also, i think i've seen enough of ppl change because of their friends; good and bad. in some way, i don't want to be influenced by the things i want to avoid (they won't call it peer pressure for nothing), and another thing, i want to escape the responsibility of making things right. while the 'right' stuff for me may not be 'right' for others, still i don't want to go home thinking, "what the hell happened?"

no, i'm not wallowing in self-pity. i'm not trying to blame anybody. i'm just analyzing. re-evaluating. should i change the way i perceive life? or am i still in the right direction? or are these just made-up excuses?

cerita ini sungguh tidak tersusun.

ok chiow.

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di suatu senja...

::di musim yang lalu::

"k yan! dah bukak gate belum?" started off the engine.

"dah." pressed remote button.

"ok." got into car, chatted a bit, pikah reversed the car.

tiba-tiba... GEDEGANG!

"hah? bunyi apa tu?" xkan langgar kucing bunyi mcm tu kot? what else could it be? *glanced at side mirror* gate bukak dah. kedepankan keta. got off car.

tgk2 gate aku bukak one side je. tersalah tekan button la pulak... aisehmen.

"ok, tutup balik, pastu bukak dua2."

"teruk ke?"

"siket je.. ada line hitam siket aah." dlm hati kitorg, mampus kena marah dgn mak bapak aku nnt.

tried to close and reopen the gate, but failed. apsal lak nih?

tgk2... stopper dah senget. xleh bukak gate. sudah... dah boleh bayangkan the words coming out fr mak abah storming into our ears... alaa mcm mana nihhhh

"eh sampai senget nih ha."

"dah tu? sah2 langgo dgn keta. bukannya dgn tangan." siot nak bebel lak. try nak bengkokkan balik, tapi obviously xleh. besi tu.

"k yan la nih... bukak sebelah je apsal."

"ada lak... pikah reverse tgk la belakang."

"tgk la remote tu betul2."

"selalu kan button belah kanan. mana tau yg ni tiba2 belah kiri."

mesti lepas ni kalau mak aku gi mana2 bilangan dia call rumah berganda2 byknya. eee geram kat diri sendiri.

just when i thought i'm independent enough to live on my own, without mak's constant supervising...

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we are the champion

::I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream::

hulloh.

nampaknya kirah sudah mendahuluiku, better even. hehe tapi rasa nak tulis gak.

last year my sis's friend got free tickets to see the finale wind orchestra SBP, so she invited my sister and i to watch it. okla, since i think that was the 1st time ever i watched an orchestra performance live (not counting the one i went with yayat kat US dulu, which i slept halfway through.. lama ok), and on the other end as well.

last year, tkc dpt last. erm, jahat ke kalau aku ckp mcm dah agak? hehe. 1stly sbb lagu sume lagu biasa2 je, etc. lagu pramlee, enjoyable level of course was quite high, since kita familiar dgn lagu2 tu. but for a competition? nahh. dgn tudung hijau kain licin tu lagi.

but that was last year. this time around... awesome! bila mula2 start je disney's theme song, mmg best aah. and fr kirah's i just found out it's a level 6 song. crazyyy power budak2 ni. (dah la dpt center seat belakang VVIP, syok siot) bila habis tu, baru perasan berterabur rupa2nya tkc/oga alums ni (usually the school alumnis booked a number of rows, n sume duduk setempat). err maybe byk budak2 tkc ni duduk kat other alumnis' seats? err termasuk aku lah jugak. masa dah habis lagu tu, ingat nak bg standing ovation, tapi segan nak buat sorg2. ajak adik aku dia x nak pulak. tapi bila diorg announce dpt 1st, diri la jugak. mana leh tahan beb. and aku dpt rasakan next year kalau ada free tickets lagi, i might be banned from sitting at that alumni's spots (nama dirahsiakan atas tujuan tertentu hehe).

other schools did quite okay too. i remembered sdar's performance, particularly because the timpani player mcm hebat ketuk2 timpani tu, and ada goosebumps siket2. so i think they deserved the 2nd place.

of course it reminded me of my school days... bila terpaksa stay back sbb ada band competition, skip kelas utk training, naik bas gi sana sini, jahit cuffs sendiri. i still have the scar from when we were busy preparing inside the bus, when suddenly the driver pushed the brake pedal mcm org gila, and a number of us (minimum 3) lunged forward and slammed against a seat's armrest, or rather i slammed against the armrest, and other people slammed against me. sakit siot. old times.

and bila keluar dr plenary hall, nampak a few band boys were crying, i felt like crying myself. sedih woo kalau penat2 dah all out tapi still x menang. lagi2 bila parents dtg tgk kan. walaupun ada sedikit 'hairan' tgk budak2 lelaki berpelukan meratapi whatever it is. cute2 lak tu.

anyway, i'm proud of them, achieving what our team couldn't back then. considering tuba SUKOM kekla pun dah jadi archives kat history corner, it's sth all of us have been waiting for a long time hehe.

oh a few quotes heard during the competition:

"makcik mana laa dia amik jadik konduktor ni" --> referring to the tkc conductor, yg menang best conductor okay (said by one of the pakciks sitting near us)

"kalau sekolah XXX (referring to the school that just performed) ni menang, confirm YYYY (referring to his former school) x masuk 5 tahun."---> by the same pakcik.

somebody already posted the performances at utube. tgk la tkc punya hehe.

ok chiow.

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nowhere to run

somehow the H1N1 outbreak (can it be called outbreak?) reminds me about this game i played last year / 2 yrs ago. masa main tu mcm, "yess i'm the man... i'm the most powerful muahahaha *evil laugh*" kinda feeling, but when it's actually happening, it kinda scares me a bit.

play pandemic 2 here.

daym byk pulak game baru kat situ. kerja yeop kerja.

ok chiow.

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to put it simply

::Words divide us, actions unite us.::

betul la tu.

just found out that it's not as easy as it sounds to start your page number not at the first page, thanks to tips i stumbled upon here.

ingatkan aku yg x master lagi words, heheh.

zaman wordstar dulu rasa mcm terer sgt, sbb taip berlatarbelakangkan hitam, mcm dlm movie dulu2 la kan. pastu nak save, print, sume kena pakai ctrl+ or some other shortcut keys, xde nye file>save / save as. rasa mcm not just anybody can do it. of course bila tgk sapetah boleh buat spreadsheet time tu mmg respek gila, sbb mcm kena taip coding ke apetah (that's the way i remember it, maybe sama je mcm sekarang kot, tah, sbb time tu kecik lagi hehe).

sekarang ni, even budak sekolah rendah pun boleh siap buat animation kat powepoint sume (which is sth i'm not quite familiar with even until today, or is it because i thought it as useless?). tu sbb kadang2 aku x faham org boleh kelam-kabut bila tiba2 format x mcm biasa, or give up bila tiba2 table kat excel tulis gibberish. well erm tapi aku pun kdg2 rasa nak mengamuk bila buat powerpoint tiba2 xleh copy la, point / dots x keluar la, etc.

aku pun dah x sure nak ckp apa. rebutting my own point, apa la.

kesimpulannya, aku rasa aku kena mendalami lagi ilmu microsoft ni. nak bg sekali buat terus boom! lawa. siap boleh tau font apa yg cantik utk format mcm ni, table direct in words or copy/paste dr excel lagi ok, nak buat slides tu animated xde kena amik masa sehari, etc.

just putting off doing my assignment a little longer. (my brain neurons are so screwed i don't know whether that's grammatically correct or otherwise)

ok chiow.

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uber amazing?

1. Copy this award and put it in your blog

2. State 5 interesting facts about the one who gave u the award:

• she's my one and only sister.
• sometimes she's just plain illogical, "nnt org masuk pertandingan, org menang org bayar la!"
• you can't tell by looking, but she snores.
• always tries to stay updated with current trend, fashion, etc... tapi pakai mcm tuu jugak.
• pemalas (carik kerja la woi) (in a way, sbb dia rajin jadik driver mak sekarang)

3. Then, state 10 facts/hobbies of yours before picking the next award nominees

• i looooove playing games. i just don't have the time. and money.
• i also looove watching movies. see 1st fact.
• i blame my shortsightedness to my habit of imitating others (will tell about it, urm, next year?)
• if i knew exactly what i want to be while filling out those applications, i'd most probably be in the medical field right now
• i still don't exactly know what i want to be
• i loathe paraphrasing
• i read manga, but i seldom admit it
• i don't mind making new friends, i just have a hard time being in touch with them, or doing them a favor (or the thought of)
• i love playing board games, esp with my siblings. kitorg mmg boleh kasik pecah itu rumah.
• i'm an animal lover, but that's about it. love is all i can give. see 1st fact.

4. Choose 10 nominees for this award and describe them

• k syud (hari2 (and i mean HARI-HARI) jumpa dia nih. terbukti uber amazing)
• k ida (sekali sekala ngadap benda lain la pulak hehe)
• farahana faris (hehe sorry lupa nama bapak ko... ni pun amazing lady jugak ni)
• sheila (upcoming bday girl...)
• ainur (dgr cite tag-pooper? prove them wrong friend!)
• suriya (yg nun jauh di sana)
• nazuha (haha jgn ko lari... i know you're here...)
• kpau (k pau suka kan kan kan kan)
• wateq (yg makin lama makin sibuk)
• sapa2 lagi

***************************************************

ok chiow.

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