freedom is not free

::Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.::

agony no more! err not for the next 2 mths at least.

biasa la lepas exam je, start buat azam baru: x nak last minute lagi. somehow aku rasa akan azam itu tetap akan jadi azam utk tahun berikutnya. uih tapi struggle la kali ni. serious. ala2 lost hope pun ada. well got nobody else to blame but me. now, now, time to move on.

rasa mcm selalu sgt aku cite pasal mimpi. tapi nak buat mcm mana, kdg2 aku rasa mimpi aku tu sgt pelik.

one of the dreams i had was about this blog. sth like kawan aku promote blog aku kat org lain sambil ckp, "kelakar aa cerita2 dia." wahahaha kembang jap. xde la kelakar mana pun tapi. maybe this is one of my deepest wish: to be famous. haha ntah. x kot.

another was about another friend of mine who blew off the entire cabinet. no, no THAT kind of cabinet. this is the kind that involves people. lots, and lots of ppl. i actually remember almost the entire drama, tapi tulis pjg2 takut org pening + bosan lak, in light of my 1st dream kan, heheh. tapi the main thing is somehow all the influential ppl were gathered in some sort of giant room, and suddenly the lights were off, then my friend gave this "you're supposed to take care of us, bukannya pentingkan diri sendiri...now it's too late" speech, then suddenly tebaboom.

pastu start la kecoh2 org huru-hara sbb xde pemimpin, duk bergosip kat kedai kopi sapa punya angkara, etc. somehow ada org terselamat dr bom tu, pastu diorg start bina balik kehidupan (?). after a while tiba2 ada satu announcement suh kumpul kat bombing site, tgk2 ada satu hall yg lagi besar dari yg sebelumnya. rupa2nya ke situ duit rakyat dihabiskan: build a bigger space. perjuangan yg sia2 nampaknya utk kawan aku tu.

thruout the whole thing, aku pun x sure aku di pihak sapa. sbb mcm xde bercakap langsung pun dgn sapa2. mcm jadi pemerhati je. and bukan dari langit pun, more like a bystander. bystander yg xde perasaan.

is it my secret, deepest wish? alamak, x tau nak ckp. mimpi hanyalah mainan tido je kan.

kalau cuti kerja sekali kan best...

ok chiow.

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vent

::A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.::

can't help thinking: is it worth it?

frustrating when you know that you know the answer to the last question; it's just that you're too slow of a writer to even attend to it. there goes my 10 marks.

and to think that i've declined every (albeit almost nonexistent) wedding or get-together invitations for the last month.

i need to stray away from the usual:
Q: what do you think the effect of X?
A: Z.

and migrate to the new:
Q: what do you think the effect of X?
A: to understand the effect of X, we need to understand: what is X? we've seen that in Y X is interpreted as "...." while in J X is defined as "....". the issue here is whether X actually affects Z-related entities, and if so, in what way.

... and that's just the intro.

or maybe, it's just me.

and time2 mcm ni jugak aku rasa sume org ternganga je mulut tunggu org suapkan. and that "org" is expected to be me. apsal bila aku nak org suap, aku kena mintak, kena tagih? apsal aku pun semangat sgt nak tolong? it sucks when you know the sincerity has been long replaced by obedience. or maybe fear. fear of being badmouthed.

get used to it. i'm not as nice as you might think. so don't get all "omg what happened to the usual her?" when that happens.

stress disorder? i'd like to think so. let's hope the mood changes next week, bila dah habis exam.

aku x tgk lagi avatarrrr

ok chiow.

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bencinta

::We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying::

if i were to live like i'm dying, i won't bother with the assignments. mcm leh pakai pun cert kat alam barzakh... hehe. so kris allen, shut up!

aku rasa aku 1st time dgr org ckp, "mmg bercinta betullah" bila buat sesuatu (in this case, assignment). maybe pernah kot dgr before this, tapi x rasa benda tu pelik. haha in a way betullah kot, dah 24/7 ngadap benda tu je, bercinta dgn kertas2 tu je la kan. is it one-sided tho? err susah mau jawab heheh.

tapi yg sebenar2nya, boleh je siap cepat, tapi nak siap cepat tu hanya boleh dicapai sehari sebelum due date. so sekarang mmg tahap bermalas2an lagi. cuma guilty conscience tu agak kuat bila time yg sepatutnya habiskan assignment tu ko buat kerja lain. but in the end, you still do the not-assignment stuff. membazir perasaan jek.

still searching for my element. tabley tahan laa tgk org lain enjoy sana-sini, aku lak nak kena buat assignment and study for the exam. ada ke buat time org cuti krismas, new year... gilo apo. nak gi jln2 kenduri kawin pun x senang. x senang as in hati x tenteram gi jln2 tapi kerja x siap.

haha tapi dlm pada nak mencapai objektif "to focus on my classes and my classes alone", sempat gak aku gi sunway lagoon (14-year wish okay), karaoke, warehouse sale, main frozen throne, avenue flo, etc. x senonoh...

mcm tak sabar nak habis exam, tapi tak nak exam lagi.

ok chiow.

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