benefit sharing

::There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.::

i know it's a bit late, but... RAMADHAN MUBARAK!

let's talk about public speaking. not, let's not.

aku sgt tak suka jadi center of attention. aku x suka semua org tertumpu kat aku, eyeing my every movement. aku akan cepat rasa gelabah, rasa sumbang-mambang je langkah tu. and for that reason, i don't like speaking in front of an audience. having a conversation, gossiping, no problemo. kasi talk? ceramah? NO. maybe it depends on who my audience is. mcm kalau kawan2 sendiri, maybe aku x kisah (tapi aku rasa aku kdg2 nervous gak)

last aku buat presentation depan org adalah may last year kot. masa kelas. itu pun ok la, sbb classmate ada <10 orang, pastu sume pun dah kenal since 1st sem. tadi aku kena buat presentation. mula2 kena present time dept meeting. aku fikir ok la, sume pun kenal dah. informal pun. sekali dpt tau kena present depan big boss (loosely used here). masa ni aku sgt cuak, sbb... haha ada la sebabnya. and semlm aku dpt tau kena present depan whole division (ok la exaggerate, 2 depts to be exact). and big boss and his henchmen *gulp*

how did i feel? man i could literally feel sth's racing up my throat. bukan setakat rama2 je, aku rasa ada kr-r-r-raken dlm perut aku ni (kebetulan lak baru makan sotong goreng tepung weekend haritu heheh). sume sakit la aku rasa nak datang; selsema, batuk, demam, tibi, cirit-birit... gila aah rasa nak nangis pun ada.

pagi tadi, aku rasa mcm nak gi pengsan je kat mana-mana. nak sorok kat toilet pastu tutup lampu sume. the moment right before i started my presentation, aku rasa nak lari keluar. i could barely pronounce the 1st syllable i should say. kawan2 aku pun cakap, obvious aku nervous.

aku rasa aku nervous coz i was so afraid of screwing up. in front of big bosses no less. ye la wey x pasal2 kang ketua ko pun kena balun sekali sbb ada anak buah mcm ni. i was too caught up in that mindset, i let it eat me. lagi rasa nak lari sbb ada satu part tu aku mcm blank. pdhal aku dah rehearse dah mlm tadi. siap aaa aaa aaa kat mic lagi. hahahaha dammit. jatuh reputasi.

sekali sampai satu part tu, big boss tanya aku soalan dgn penuh santai. dan berjaya juga aku jawab. pastu it kinda sparked interest among the participants la (konon, tulis je la colleagues haha). mcm baru la dgr oohh aah. kalau tak dgr org cuci tingkap je.

and susprisingly, lepas tu baru aku ok. kiranya aku rasa mcm excited lak nak ckp. haha pastu kawan aku ckp mcm obvious sgt masa nak sampai part conclusion tu suara aku mcm relieved gila. i mean, CONCLUSION mannn!

adakah aku ketakutan kerisauan tu hanyalah utk sesuatu yg tiada? maybe. moral of the story: don't let fear hold you back. it's all in your mind.

and of course, it helps if you actually know what you're talking about.

relieved? you betcha.

ok chiow.

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kenangan silam

::So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.::

aku baru perasan friendster dah ubah wajah. well somebody did tell me friendster was moving towards becoming entertainment-oriented, but i thought it would be add-on to the existing friendster. that our old profiles, pics etc would still be there. darn i was wrong. terlepas lak notice kata nak delete sume tu.

blog lama aku dah hilang! sob sob.

padan la haritu aku try masuk chrome ckp x jumpa page. ingatkan ofis yg block ke, ada tukar apa2 kasi xleh ke, under maintenance ke. cis cis cis.

mcm ni la aku rasa masa my 1st blog dulu kena delete. haha not exactly my blog, blog yg ada byk writers, tapi aku je yg semangat tulis hehe. moderator bukan aku pulak tu, mmg hak dia la nak delete ('thanks' for the heads up, hilmi! ;p).

tiba2 je rasa fehlong jap. kenangan tuu... and boleh nampak my writing skills have gone downhill. biasa la dulu semangat nak cuba new words and phrases. sekarang ni grammar pun dah tunggang-langgang. budak urban lepasan pmr pun lagi power rasanya.

hopefully this one can live up to its predecessors. haha like they have a good rep to begin with.

ok chiow.

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no questions asked

::Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.::

sorry...

lama siot x update. busy aah. well not that busy. i just don't have the mood.

been questioning myself lately. aku rasa lagi aku meningkat umur ni, bakti dan jasa pd diri sendiri, keluarga, negara, agama etc makin kurang. aku pun dah x tau apa purpose aku kat dunia ni (no i'm not saying i'm considering suicide or have given up hope or anything). aku just rasa aku lagi byk buat dosa je. lagi byk buang masa.

ah mainan perasaan je tu. syuh syuh gi main jauh2.

aku tau, setiap perkara yg terjadi tu ada sebabnya. utk menguji. makanya, adakah aku tewas?

apa aku mengarut nih hehe.

org kata bila kita hendak dptkan sesuatu, kita kena usaha. kena improve. sekarang ni aku rasa byk lagi benda yg aku x dpt lagi. so by right aku kena usaha dan perbaiki sesuatu utk dptkan benda2 itu. but right now, i think i've been doing the same things for the past 2 years or so. maybe i've changed the method here and there, but nevertheless my life's pretty much the same. so based on the lack of effort / improvement, would i get what i want? NO.

thing is, i'm so content with where i am at the moment, i don't want to jinx it. i just want to let things to be just the way they are. if changes are needed, then it won't come from me. let the nature do the talking (or walking?).

penakut? maybe. atau aku yg x mau salah langkah. i'm too old to test the water. i'd rather analyze the details and characteristics of the water then delve right into it (or not, depending my analysis).

gila poetic. haha lantak ah. otak bercelaru.

ok chiow.

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