ENTAH la labu...

To Him We Belong

2012-02-10T19:52:00.000+08:00

today my arwah abang would've turned 33.

sometimes i only thought of him as going somewhere for some conferences or out-of-state jobs, and he would be back soon.

it would take me seconds to realize that it will never happen.

abang would never come back. ever.

and that makes me miss him even more.

The only thing that comforts me is when i think that Allah loves him more than we do.

Al-fatihah.

10 Feb 1979 - 17 Jan 2012

New Year

2012-01-16T13:17:00.001+08:00

::The reason of a resolution is more to be considered than the resolution itself.::

allo (yea sudah bertukar).

busy sungguh... selaras dgn perkembangan ekonomi semasa haha.

anyway aku saja nak letak azam untuk tahun 2012... sbb bila dah publish, malu la pulak kalau tak follow kan. err ni pun sebab sebenarnya facilitator time team building yg aku gi dulu suh buat 3 objektif yg perlu dicapai sampai bulan mac nih. alang2, aku buat jadi azam terus.

1. ~~lose some weight~~ be healthy n fit(ter)
masalah ni xde la kronik mana (konon hehe), tapi aku rasa rakyat mesia sekarang makin mengecik. kalau aku tgk gambar, sume sama je rendah, sama je saiz. even though aku tinggi (konon jugak), kalau boleh biarlah org nampak ketinggian je bila tgk gambar aku, bukan kelebaran sekali.

yang penting, nak kasi nampak fit siket. at least, perut x membonjol. seriously susah nak sorok ok.

in realizing that, i'm currently taking some swimming lessons, and occasionally doing sauna. acewah... swimming sbb opis bayar, sauna sbb dah ada portable sauna kat rumah.

progress: nil. swimming baru sekali kelas, itu pun dah penat lenguh badan segala, nampak sgt x fit huwaa. sauna org ckp bagus buat 3 kali seminggu; yg seminggu aku dpt 3 kali baru sekali jek. timbang berat tgk kat nombor sama jek. tapi being a half-glass-full type of person, hey, at least it doesn't increase, right? right?

2. ~~kurangkan perbelanjaan benda lagha~~ belanja berhemah
utk simpanan masa depan... dengan kadar inflasi yg agak tinggi sekarang nih (~8%), aku kena menyimpan dgn lebih byk to compensate incoming price hike. dan juga angan-angan aku, andai ditakdirkan bernikah kahwin, kalau boleh nak guna duit sendiri auww. err tapi ni mcm susah gak, sbb sekarang sume nak grand belaka. dan memudahkan beli new wardrobe apabila azam #1 tercapai (konon).

steps taken: utilizing andromoney, one-stop for tracking and evaluating (and condemning) your expenses. you can set your yearly / monthly budget, and it will notify you if you're reaching a certain limit ('you've used 100% of your total budget!'). tiap2 hari aku update belanja aku kat sini, mmg boleh nampak la kat mana aku byk habiskan duit.

progress: sucks. aku dah la set bajet aku 100% dari gaji bersih, bulan ni yg baru nak masuk 3 minggu punya bajet dah -ve. big spender? entahlah... yg pastinya bulan ni mmg bertambah siket sbb azam #1 (mcm byk pun ko spend utk kelas berenang tu tet grrr). oh lupa pulak, perfume dah habis. cleanser pun dah habis.

kalau tahun ni xde bonus mati la aku. usahkan nak menyimpan, mcm lagi korek simpanan lagi ada.

3rd one? i haven't decided yet. lagipun faci tu nak aku simpan bukti yg menunjukkan effort terhadap objektif tu. mcm kalau azam #1 boleh tunjuk beza berat (atau paling koman pun tunjuk gambar aku gi kelas hehe), azam #2 lak boleh tunjuk expense chart or whatnot.

apa lagi objektif yg aku boleh capai dlm masa terdekat yg boleh menghasilkan sesuatu utk dijadikan bukti?

no limit

2011-12-01T20:33:00.001+08:00

::The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.::

one fine day in kota kinabalu, aku masuk ke kedai mesra petronas sbb nak cucuk duit. selepas urusan, aku pun bergegas ke pintu utk keluar, sbb x nak org lain tunggu. by org lain i mean my mother and a few makciks and pakciks and cousins.

on the way nak keluar tu, tiba2 kedgran lagu moves like jagger. sayup2 je gitu. terus aku gelabah. bukak beg. masa tu baru aku teringat, my ringtone is no longer that maroon 5's song. by that time dah terlewat aah, adik cashier tu dah tgk aku lain mcm je. mesti dia pelik, apsal minah ni tiba2 rotate badan pastu dgn kalutnya bukak beg, pastu senyum sorang2. gila ke apa.

i never cease to amaze me.

sometimes i wonder, what do ppl think when they see me. heck do they even see me.

not like i like being seen. i mean, if it's for the wrong reasons.

daym tiba2 teringat one of my bosses yg tau aku gi camping kat hutan belum, ada la borak2 dgn dia. aku cerita la ada air terjun, xde bilik air. sekali bos tanya, "mandi la kat air terjun tu?" zuppp terus mata dia scanned my body. @##$&% betulla aku rasa time tu. terus rasa nak tahan nafas pun ada (sbb perut agak buncit hehe). tapi aaaa benci aa kalau jadi mcm tu. i felt violated. okay maybe i'm exaggerating, but still, can anybody feel comfortable when ppl feast their eyes on you (okay xde la feast sgt pun, more like a sip of some bitter tea je kot). and i'm not even good looking to begin with. mcm mana la yg duk pakai sexy 24/7 boleh tahan dgn mata2 semua org.

so i come up with a conclusion: when you have a protruding belly, and you're wearing a baju kurung, your V stands out a wee bit too much. don't ask me to explain what i mean by V. how's that for motivation?

ok chiow.

the way we see it

2011-10-31T17:57:00.002+08:00

::The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts.::

it's been a while.

not much of an update (i don't think it ever is... hehe), just trying to jot down sth that might as well been forgotten but worth mentioning.

ingat nak cerita pasal trip ke gold coast dan geneva/munich (dan hutan belum!), tapi seriously malas... and my storytelling skills have gone haywire. more importantly, i'm starting to lose grip on how to make readers to stay until the last letter / character. more and more bloggers, fb-ers, twitters (or tweeters? twitterers?) and other online portals make much more sense than i ever will be... rasa kerdil gila baca penulisan org lain. but deleting this is not an option. i love writing, i love knowing other ppl read my writings. i love imagining that somewhere out there, there are ppl who still think that what i wrote matters. haha tunggang terbalik betul la ko ni tet. kejap suka kejap tak. oh what the hell.

there's this one time while i was in munich, we participants were invited to join in on a tour to deutsches museum. masa tunggu our private guide tu, borak2 dgn examiner dari EPO (european patent office). dia tanya sorang2 dari mana, what do you think of munich, how do you like it here, etc. oh let me introduce the participants:

...or not. senang cerita, ada 3 major groups: the arabs (peserta dari jordan n saudi), the bosnians (dari bosnia - 3 org), the russians (uzbek, tajikistan, belarus). mmg obvious la group2 ni, sbb berckp dlm bahasa diorg. so yg tinggal aku n examiner from republic of korea. so EPO examiner ni ckp la sth like "oo diorg sume ada group masing2, korang berdua pun boleh buat group la.. the asian group." pastu boleh pulak examiner korea ni ckp, "yes we are getting more intimate with each other."

darn time tu aku dah mcm blur jap. i was like, "hmm i wonder if he means 'intimate' as 'getting to know each other better' or the other kind of intimate", tapi dlm hati je la. sbb korean ni pun english xde la perfect, mcm biasa la ada salah translate sana sini. so dgn bersangka baiknya, aku assume org lain pun paham yg kenal dgn lebih rapat gitu la.

tapinyaa..... EPO examiner ni boleh buat tgn mcm 'ok stop there... TMI' sambil sebut "whoa." siottttt now i'm pretty sure he misinterpreted it as the other kind of intimate. pastu aku lak serba-salah. patut ke aku nak betulkan salah tanggapan dia tu? ke aku je yg salah paham semua benda? tapi masa tu aku rasa mcm awkward gila aah. ciss betulla.

haha sekian cerita picisan utk kali ini.

ok chiow.

cerita tergantung xde penutup.

rock bottom

2011-10-13T13:47:00.000+08:00

::Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.::

have you ever felt that you did something so horrible, you know there is no way to atone for that... misdoing.

or that you wanted to regret the things you've done, but even the tears could not give you the comfort you badly needed. to signal that there is hope.

in short: you feel hopeless. doomed. marred. scarred.

is that even possible?

reminiscence

2011-10-06T09:40:00.001+08:00

haha almost terlupa kewujudan sesi ini. nasib baik ada google+ hehe.

rupa2nya aku x letak langsung eh gambar konvo kat sini. letak kat fb je. yg ni punya sesi lagi la, sesi amik skrol rasanya, the week after convocation week. ada aku, k syud n ily je. rasanya dah puasa dah time ni. merata kitorg pi nak amik gambar, dgn gambar kat depan pintu gerbang lagi. haha malu seh.. oh jap ini gambarnya:

siap org hon2 lagi kat situ, ye la simpang empat yg ada traffic light tu. ah lantak, kenangan terindah ni tau hehe.

would i repeat it? erm not sure. penat aah belajar buat assignment stay up research gi library and whatnot. best mmg best, tapi the 'x best' part pun byk gak. xpe la pengalaman.

ok chiow.

that time of the year?

2011-09-29T13:38:00.001+08:00

::Envy is like a fly that passes all the body's sounder parts, and dwells upon the sores.::

di suatu ~~senja di musim nan lalu~~ mlm, baru lepas makan apetah. aku basuh mulut kat singki, pastu capai area leher baju aku nak lap mulut, pastu tiba2 rasa mcm pedih kat bibir. i was like, uish xkan lap mulut guna baju terus terluka bibir kot? pastu aku tgk kat cermin ada mcm satu bunjut cenonet. daym cold sores!

hari ni dah hari ketiga, dia dah makin membengkak. eee benci laaa. aku ni under a lot of stress ke? hmmm maybe la kot. tapi benci laa rasa nak cabut bibir ni nak bilas bersih2.

this weekend dah la ada kursus, next week bertugas pulak. bertambah2 la stres aku ni.

rasa nak amik cuti, pastu duduk diam2 kat tpt yg xde org kacau. mcm ada pun.

ok chiow.

talk to the hand

2011-09-26T21:35:00.000+08:00

Seringkali kau panggil aku

Kau tak peduli waktu tidurku

Dah berkali-kali aku abaikanmu

Hentikanlah, hentikanlah

grrrr

benefit sharing

2011-08-09T15:57:00.002+08:00

::There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.::

i know it's a bit late, but... RAMADHAN MUBARAK!

let's talk about public speaking. not, let's not.

aku sgt tak suka jadi center of attention. aku x suka semua org tertumpu kat aku, eyeing my every movement. aku akan cepat rasa gelabah, rasa sumbang-mambang je langkah tu. and for that reason, i don't like speaking in front of an audience. having a conversation, gossiping, no problemo. kasi talk? ceramah? NO. maybe it depends on who my audience is. mcm kalau kawan2 sendiri, maybe aku x kisah (tapi aku rasa aku kdg2 nervous gak)

last aku buat presentation depan org adalah may last year kot. masa kelas. itu pun ok la, sbb classmate ada <10 orang, pastu sume pun dah kenal since 1st sem. tadi aku kena buat presentation. mula2 kena present time dept meeting. aku fikir ok la, sume pun kenal dah. informal pun. sekali dpt tau kena present depan big boss (loosely used here). masa ni aku sgt cuak, sbb... haha ada la sebabnya. and semlm aku dpt tau kena present depan whole division (ok la exaggerate, 2 depts to be exact). and big boss and his henchmen *gulp*

how did i feel? man i could literally feel sth's racing up my throat. bukan setakat rama2 je, aku rasa ada kr-r-r-raken dlm perut aku ni (kebetulan lak baru makan sotong goreng tepung weekend haritu heheh). sume sakit la aku rasa nak datang; selsema, batuk, demam, tibi, cirit-birit... gila aah rasa nak nangis pun ada.

pagi tadi, aku rasa mcm nak gi pengsan je kat mana-mana. nak sorok kat toilet pastu tutup lampu sume. the moment right before i started my presentation, aku rasa nak lari keluar. i could barely pronounce the 1st syllable i should say. kawan2 aku pun cakap, obvious aku nervous.

aku rasa aku nervous coz i was so afraid of screwing up. in front of big bosses no less. ye la wey x pasal2 kang ketua ko pun kena balun sekali sbb ada anak buah mcm ni. i was too caught up in that mindset, i let it eat me. lagi rasa nak lari sbb ada satu part tu aku mcm blank. pdhal aku dah rehearse dah mlm tadi. siap aaa aaa aaa kat mic lagi. hahahaha dammit. jatuh reputasi.

sekali sampai satu part tu, big boss tanya aku soalan dgn penuh santai. dan berjaya juga aku jawab. pastu it kinda sparked interest among the participants la (konon, tulis je la colleagues haha). mcm baru la dgr oohh aah. kalau tak dgr org cuci tingkap je.

and susprisingly, lepas tu baru aku ok. kiranya aku rasa mcm excited lak nak ckp. haha pastu kawan aku ckp mcm obvious sgt masa nak sampai part conclusion tu suara aku mcm relieved gila. i mean, CONCLUSION mannn!

adakah aku ketakutan kerisauan tu hanyalah utk sesuatu yg tiada? maybe. moral of the story: don't let fear hold you back. it's all in your mind.

and of course, it helps if you actually know what you're talking about.

relieved? you betcha.

ok chiow.

kenangan silam

2011-07-20T08:27:00.002+08:00

::So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.::

aku baru perasan friendster dah ubah wajah. well somebody did tell me friendster was moving towards becoming entertainment-oriented, but i thought it would be add-on to the existing friendster. that our old profiles, pics etc would still be there. darn i was wrong. terlepas lak notice kata nak delete sume tu.

blog lama aku dah hilang! sob sob.

padan la haritu aku try masuk chrome ckp x jumpa page. ingatkan ofis yg block ke, ada tukar apa2 kasi xleh ke, under maintenance ke. cis cis cis.

mcm ni la aku rasa masa my 1st blog dulu kena delete. haha not exactly my blog, blog yg ada byk writers, tapi aku je yg semangat tulis hehe. moderator bukan aku pulak tu, mmg hak dia la nak delete ('thanks' for the heads up, hilmi! ;p).

tiba2 je rasa fehlong jap. kenangan tuu... and boleh nampak my writing skills have gone downhill. biasa la dulu semangat nak cuba new words and phrases. sekarang ni grammar pun dah tunggang-langgang. budak urban lepasan pmr pun lagi power rasanya.

hopefully this one can live up to its predecessors. haha like they have a good rep to begin with.

ok chiow.

no questions asked

2011-07-14T17:07:00.002+08:00

::Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.::

sorry...

lama siot x update. busy aah. well not that busy. i just don't have the mood.

been questioning myself lately. aku rasa lagi aku meningkat umur ni, bakti dan jasa pd diri sendiri, keluarga, negara, agama etc makin kurang. aku pun dah x tau apa purpose aku kat dunia ni (no i'm not saying i'm considering suicide or have given up hope or anything). aku just rasa aku lagi byk buat dosa je. lagi byk buang masa.

ah mainan perasaan je tu. syuh syuh gi main jauh2.

aku tau, setiap perkara yg terjadi tu ada sebabnya. utk menguji. makanya, adakah aku tewas?

apa aku mengarut nih hehe.

org kata bila kita hendak dptkan sesuatu, kita kena usaha. kena improve. sekarang ni aku rasa byk lagi benda yg aku x dpt lagi. so by right aku kena usaha dan perbaiki sesuatu utk dptkan benda2 itu. but right now, i think i've been doing the same things for the past 2 years or so. maybe i've changed the method here and there, but nevertheless my life's pretty much the same. so based on the lack of effort / improvement, would i get what i want? NO.

thing is, i'm so content with where i am at the moment, i don't want to jinx it. i just want to let things to be just the way they are. if changes are needed, then it won't come from me. let the nature do the talking (or walking?).

penakut? maybe. atau aku yg x mau salah langkah. i'm too old to test the water. i'd rather analyze the details and characteristics of the water then delve right into it (or not, depending my analysis).

gila poetic. haha lantak ah. otak bercelaru.

ok chiow.

mundane

2011-05-19T16:58:00.002+08:00

lamanya x update. serious x tau nak tulis apa actually. sbb sume benda aku dah tulis kot? erk or is it because the things that are happening to / around me are things that i'd rather keep to myself? hmm probably.

gula dah naik harga, milo pun dah naik harga. dgr ron95 pun naik gak. i mean, once they go up, they can never go back down. tapi kalau diorg review gaji pun, barang2 lain tetap naik pulak. sejajar dgn kos katanya. blergh.

haha tapi dlm naik2 harga barang pun, sempat gak nak gi bercuti yeahoo! ye la plan dari last year ni wey. err xde la plan sgt pun, baru 2-3 minggu ni je kelam-kabut siket. semoga percutian seindah yg diimpikan insyaAllah. seriously.

erk ada urgent meeting. ok chiow.

one of those days

2011-04-30T11:26:00.000+08:00

hulloh.

just finished vacuum cleaning the carpet in my bedroom. tips: find a furless cat as your pet. sphinx (sp?) maybe is the best option. or just consider it as one of the ways to exercise. still boleh ramai rakyat msia yg kegemukan.

err mcm terkena btg hidung sendiri jek hehe.

berpeluh seh, siap ada satu titisan peluh jatuh mendarat kat kepala vacuum cleaner tu. n one more on my glasses. belum campur yg ke carpet itu sendiri. ew. sign of being healthy, i guess? haha perasan.

nak bersiap to kenduri lennie. one of the much awaited weddings among my friends. mesti sume org pun mcm, "finally~". hehe lennie if you're reading this: CONGRATULATIONSSSSSSS!

ok chiow.

a bump in the road

2011-04-17T21:07:00.002+08:00

::Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk.::

lama x update.

some of the advice i got during one of my outings with my wonderful friends recently:

- on bowling: "main pakai otak."

- on meeting new people: "ko ni suka rushing kan.", "kalau setakat nak isi masa lapang, go on."

haha ceh 3 je. ada lagi, tapi x teringat lak sekarang.

i better stick to routines. routine brings out the best in me... i think.

yes i'm a boring person. i love being boring. haha statement makan diri nih.

ok chiow.

buzz off lah!

2011-03-24T23:14:00.003+08:00

::There is no faculty of the human soul so persistent and universal as that of hatred::

wey enough la wey

rentetan daripada peristiwa aku dapat call berkaitan i-kasih, t/hari tadi dapat lagi satu call. tapi ni lain la, daripada etika / etiqa takaful maybank pulak. the much shorter version of what had transpired between us:

MrH(-): hello boleh saya bercakap dengan cik SRR?

aku(+): iye saya.

- cik saya daripada etika takaful maybank, nak buat pengesahan atas pelan takaful yg cik amik tahun lepas lah ye.

+ eh bila saya amik?

- bulan 2 2010.

+ oo ok...

- so pelan ni berjalan 2 tahun, kiranya ada lagi setahun lah ye cik. pelan yg cik amik ni, kiranya ada apa2 terjadi pada cik atau waris cik, kami akan tanggung sehingga rm250,000 lah. benda ni expired bulan 3 2012.

+ oo ok

- so kami ni nak buat pengesahan lah. waris cik ni ayah cik kan?

+ ha'ah.

seperti biasa, aku dgn lurus bendulnya menconfirmkan apa2 yg dia ckp; nama, alamat, ic, nama ayah, birthdate ayah, etc. huwaaa why oh why did i fall for the same trap again? stupid stupid. but here's the best part:

- so utk activatekan keahlian cik ni, ikut prosedur saya kena bacakan nombor keahlian 16 digit kredit kad cik, cik kena verify lah ye.

+ no. keahlian ke tu?

- ye cik. so boleh keluarkan cc cik?

+ ok tgh pegang ni.

- so nombornya XXXXXXXXX. betul?

+ ye betul.

- so langkah seterusnya cik kena sebut expiry date cc cik tu.

+ huh? kenapa pulak?

- ini prosedurnya cik.

+ mesti awak dah ada info tu kan. buat apa nak verify pulak. nombor dah ada mesti ada expiry datenya sekali.

- bukan cik. ni mmg langkah utk pengaktifan ni cik. mula2 saya kena baca nombor 16 digit, lepas tu cik kena sebut expiry date kad tu, lepas tu saya sebutkan sth sth (serious aku lupa apa yg dia kena sebut), lepas tu cik pulak sebutkan nombor keahlian 3 digit.

+ eh kejap kejap. nombor keahlian 3 digit yg mana pulak ni?

- (dia ulang balik whole 'procedure'), lepas tu yg last 3 digit nombor.

+ ye saya paham awak dah sebut tadi. nombor 3 digit mana yg awak nak saya sebut tu?

- yg kat belakang kad tu.

+ uish mana boleh bgtau sebarangan nombor tu. matila saya kalau awak tau sume details pasal kad tu. tanpa actual kad pun awak dah boleh guna buat mcm2.

- tapi ni mmg prosedur cik. lagipun saya dah bg nama saya, ic number saya, no telepon saya kat cik kan. kalau ada apa2, saya pecah amanah ke apa ke, cik boleh report polis.

+ saya cek dgn polis dulu la mcm ni

- cik, ni mmg prosedur cik, kalau x xleh diaktifkan pelan takaful tu cik.

+ habis katakan saya x nak bagi details yg awak nak, apa akan jadi? saya boleh cancel ke pelan tu?

- tapi cik (again, dia explain the whole procedure). kalau saya x buat mcm ni, nnt manager saya akan query, nnt akan lagi byk call drpd bank yg cik akan dpt.

+ oklah kalau gitu, saya tunggu je la call drpd manager awak.

- ok kalau apa2 jadi pada waris cik, pihak kami xkan layan ye.

+ ok.

celaka sgt doakan / ugut mcm tu. tapi hampir tertipu la sbb dia ckp etiqa takaful maybank tu kan. and mmg benda tu wujud. tapi mmg aku x ingat la aku ada amik ke x pelan2 mcm ni. mcm impossible je amik x bayar apa2 kan. MO mmg sgt2 sama dgn i-kasih tu, just tukar nama je. x habis2 dgn nombor keahlian 3 digit belakang kad tu.

pastu balik rumah mak aku cite rupa2nya dia dah call rumah dulu nak tanya pasal ni. mak aku dgn lasernya jawab, "nak verify apanya lagi, kalau anak saya dah sign up utk apa2, mesti sume details awak dah ada. buat apa nak verify2 lagi." mmg betul pun kan. dah la benda yg dah berjalan setahun, impossible tiap2 tahun ko nak verify itu ini by phone. ever heard of email?

aku nak report kat mana ek benda2 mcm ni? sgt mengganggu emosi okay. x pasal2 kesian kat MrH tu, sbb aku rasa dia pun kerja cari makan je, dah bos suruh kan. eee tapi geram sgt. to MrH, please go find other job. i'm sure you're wayy smarter than conning ppl like this. dahla dah umur 28 (kalau betul IC num yg dia bg tu la hehe).

rasa mcm nak call pulak hphone num yg dia bagi tu, nak verify betul x tu dia.

ok chiow.

ahoy visitors!

2011-03-14T23:50:00.002+08:00

::You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.::

hehe tiba2 rasa blog ni famous lak.

if you ever feel the need to comment or ask on anything i wrote here, please do. it could also serve as a proof that i'm not doing this for my own sake only. or you can just say hi.

err i don't come off as being desperate, do i? hopefully not. 'coz i'm not.

whatever things i wrote, they are all true. i-kasih or not, hehe.

ok chiow.

i'm around, i'm OK

2011-03-09T18:12:00.004+08:00

::Either I've been missing something or nothing has been going on.::

terasa mcm nak gi jalan-jalan lagi.

dah la matta fair around the corner, air asia pun ada offer. tapi masa pulak x mengizinkan.

erk... mataku dah kero ke?

baik tinggal anak kat bibik mcm tu hehe

huwaaa can't wait for the day where i don't actually care how much money that i have, or how much money left if i spend this much or that much.

will that day ever come?

oh diorg dah betulkan balik. too late!

ok chiow.

tch tch tch

2011-02-18T17:42:00.002+08:00

::There is so much good in the worst of us,

And so much bad in the best of us,
That it hardly behooves any of us
To talk about the rest of us.::

byk kerja. byk tanggungan. byk masalah.

kena byk bersabar, byk mengucap, byk berzikir. byk berfikiran positif.

i think i spent wayy too much time on work. yet still byk kerja tertangguh. ke aku yg kurang bijak membahagikan masa? motivasi kurangkah?

maybe it's the new place. haha ada hati salahkan tempat lak kan, pdhal diri sendiri tu yg dah malas. bukan malas... kerja makin memeningkan. huwaaaa rasa nak gi jalan2...

sekian luahan hati

chuck-e-cheesy

2011-01-20T15:26:00.002+08:00

aaa bila la chuck nak keluar kat astro nih!! rasa mcm nak tgk tangled gak, tunggu keluar tv la kot nnt... zachary levi you are awesomeeee oh and katharine mcphee too hehe.

ok chiow.

twenny-eleven

2011-01-03T12:38:00.002+08:00

::A good resolution is like an old horse, which is often saddled but rarely ridden.::

2011 is heeeeerrre

if by any chance you've been living in a box somewhere deep in the amazonian jungle: WE WON! the msian soccer team, that is. kudos to them (although it would've been sweeter a success if we won the game in indonesia and not only by aggregate).

and to top it off, friday is declared a holiday. tapi agak sucks utk aku, sbb aku mmg dah apply cuti (guna cuti ganti pulak tu, yg xkan meluakkan my annual leave) for that friday. dah la xleh carry fwd cuti tu, sudahnya burn 1 hari. ceh, nyesal tunggu sampai last2 minute.

sbb apa nak cuti? shopping of course. haha jeles la tgk mak n adik2 aku gi shopping sakan time weekdays, mesti x dpt join. nnt beli mcm2, makan mcm2. so dgn semangatnya aku ajak adik aku pikah gi shopping jumaat tu, dgn harapan x ramai org la, with it being a friday and a working day and all. so now you know why i'm not so thrilled with friday being a public holiday... cis dah la 1st time nak gi one utama ni.

err that's right. i've never been to ou! aku lagi selalu tersasul nak sebut ou tersebut uo than the other way around. sbb time kerja kat bangunan lama dulu selalu gi uo (btw it's uda ocean). haha chill, aku pun kdg2 terkejut dgn diri sendiri.

mula2, ramai gila orggg kat ou, nak cari parking pun berpusing2 2-3 kali. my sister was like, "hello whaddaya expect, this is ou ok?" haha agak malu nak ngaku gak la. pastu besar aa ou ni. aku rasa mcm rusa masuk kampung, mata aku duk melilau tgk kedai yg berderet2 itu. adik aku bising sbb aku selalu mcm diri tgh2 jln. like i said, jakun.

disbbkan aku pun mcm in a good mood, plus duit pun mcm byk x luak, boleh katakan sepersalinan lah aku beli haritu. mcm nak raya je heheh. sian pikah sampai sakit kaki koyak ligamen sume sbb teman akaknya yg mmg x pandai shopping ni (katanya...). ye la x syok aa kang aku beli baju yg aku bajet lawa habis, sekali bila tunjuk kat dia dia buat muka mcm aku beli baju roti kirai je... bukan boleh caya adik aku tu.

all in all, aku habis byk duit, tapi aku sgt2 puas hati. dah lama x shopping ni, so to me it's quite an achievement to finish my 2010 this way. haha pastu mlmnya, belum apa2 dah tido. penat duh jln2 sana sini. padanla jessica simpson pernah ckp dia dulu nak exercise gi shopping je.

psst i also bought a new pair of sport shoes! yeay finally. tapi so far kasut2 tu masih berada di stor. tula masalahnya bila bedsheet, pillowcase n comforter pun tukar baru. bau sedap xleh nak bangun dari katil....

ok chiow.

one hand there

2010-12-27T13:48:00.002+08:00

woohoo!

aku still kagum bagaimana norshahrul berjaya gelecek bola past an opponent who thought the ball was out (haha hentam sajalah), and made the setting for msia's 1st goal. what a morale booster.

and we thought the indonesian walkout would dampen our team's spirit.

go malaysia! you can do it if you try, V.I.C.T.O.R.Y!!!

year-end

2010-12-22T13:38:00.004+08:00

::There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.::

jiwa kacau.

end of the year syndrome i think.

to realize that there are some things that are yet to be achieved. even worse since you never set any targets or have any expectations in the 1st place. heartbreaking, since you just realize that this year is not much different from the last.

or maybe you did do something different this year. it's just that you haven't found out how the outcome will make or break you. and you're waiting in agony. am i doing good? did i do the right thing? how long should i wait?

year is just a number. yet it defines what we are, it dictates what we do, it brings us closer to our end. our Maker.

you better come prepared.

regrets i have a few. if only i could [insert the things you could've done instead of what you did here]

ok chiow.

201st

2010-12-10T14:07:00.002+08:00

::Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.::

daym kirah yg baru berapa minggu duk bangi dah jog kat ttc a couple of times already. me? urm...

first off, i need shoes. i don't remember the last time i bought sport shoes... 6 yrs ago? of course la ada pakai kasut satu kat rumah tu (either mak's or rafiq's) yg selalu aku pakai utk any outdoor activities, tapi kasut tu pun dah terkoyak. kasut penoreh tu ada lagi, but it lacks any appealing factor, plus it doesn't have the shock-absorbing feature that is so important when you're running, the flexibility to make your running experience better, bla bla bla. hehe yea i'm full of excuses.

maybe it's the thought of having to fork out some money to buy a new pair of shoes that's been holding me back. God i'm such a cheapskate.

ada kawan aku dia ckp bila family dia masuk umur 30-an je, metabolism turun mendadak. if that were true for my family genetics as well, that's only 2 years away man. and i'm already looking like i've been married with children. oh tidak!

shoe store, here i come. or not. still rasa berbelah bagi ni nak beli kasut tu. wish me luck.

ok chiow.

va-va-voom

2010-12-06T13:48:00.003+08:00

::Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.::

you can't beat the feeling of finding out you're right all along.

haritu keta aku kena masuk bengkel. x sure kenapa, sth to do with dah kena bawak mcm manual bila naik bukit. which is totally fine by me (bergunala jugak skill kereta manual yg belajar masa nak dpt lesen hehe), but not to my family ("x suka la nnt nak amik tiket, takut terundur". "mak kelam-kabut nnt takut kena keta belakang").

so bila gi amik haritu, last2 x tukar pun gearbox, tapi kena tune siket itu enjin (my mechanics lingo is below par, so...). owner bengkel tu siap ckp, "u tau aa, ini keleta aa.. mana boleh bawak slow2... vtec engine kena dari P, N, D terus fhiiiuuu (sambil buat gaya tangan menuju nun jauh ke depan). u kena bawak... lapan puluh pun tak boleh liao." "mau buat mcm mana, apak saya tak bagi bawak laju2, dia kata bahaya. you kena ckp sama dia la hehe." "itu la saya sudah bagitau dia. keleta ini macam bawak slow2.. haii manyak lugi. tengok lagi cepat rosak."

in short, yesss aku boleh bawak laju siket keretaku itu. and aku boleh guna alasan ni bila org sound aku belok x brek dulu (in defense, aku tekan brake okay, cuma x se-slow yg org lain mahukan. tapi aku rasa org lain bawak kat kona lagi laju, apsal aku je yg selalu kena sound?).

erk which reminds me, saman haritu x berbayar lagi. nasib baik ada diskaun haha teruk betul.

ok chiow.

all the small things

2010-11-24T13:58:00.002+08:00

::When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.::

haha boleh ada org search "entah la nak cari apa". wth? i mean, what do you expect to find? the question to that answer, or the answer to that question, if you could call it that?

bulan ni dah nak habis, skt aku still x cukup lagi. sekarang ni mcm tgh pasrah je, ala2 giveup pun ada (ala mcm sempat pun nak cukupkan, tinggal 3 working days je lagi). haha where's the motivation when i need one?

tiba2 aku rasa berbelanja RM8.60 a day in transportation alone is quite steep. in fact it's so steep i'd be better off wearing clothes with unfinished pockets. let's say i work 20 days a month, so (8.60 + 8(lunch+bfast)) * 20 = RM332. campur bayar loan, insurans, ~1100/month! wajib keluar tiap2 bulan. belum campur lagi hadiah utk org kawin / bday sedara / belanja family lagi. belum campur buying stupid stuffs as a reward for my hard work (acecece).

man i'm totally thinking about money a tad too much.... or am i?

ok chiow.

hunting season

2010-11-23T13:57:00.002+08:00

::Food is the most primitive form of comfort.::

so we've finally moved to a new workplace. in bangsar no less... gila aah nasi+lauk+sayur min rm5. dulu kalau tokei kedai letak rm4 boleh boikot jap seminggu. rm5? mau kopak poket. *office mau upgrade, gaji xmau... hmmph*

transportation-wise, utk org yg mmg duduk putra line mmg heaven laa. dah la putra selalunya on time, pulak tu mmg bangunan ni betul2 sebelah station, so xde problem utk diorg. me? well i have to switch from komuter at kl sentral, dah la patah balik ke bangsar. tambah rm0.70 one way. i even begin contemplating driving to work, tapi memandangkan minyak pun mcm byk je, and aku xkan boleh tido time driving, terpaksa tunggu dulu.

kdg2 terfikir gak nak bawak bekal from rumah ke, tapi aku seriously x tau apa yg boleh dibawa bekal ke ofis. kalau nak bawak lauk mlm sebelumnya, mcm bosan je. and normally what we have for tonight's dinner will be tomorrow's dinner as well. tu sbb kena makan tiap2 mlm supaya the next dinner x makan benda sama (ok x alasan? hehe). kalau aku bawak the same meal utk lunch, xke bosan tu? then again, beggars can't be choosers.

another alternative, cari tpt makan lain yg murah. ini kena ada geng baru ok ni... kalau sorg2 x feel. boleh je nak makan dekat2, tapi san francisco coffee, old town, little taiwan; ini sume tpt org hi-class... hari2 makan habis la duit. dah la sume benda makin mahal. sampai bila pun x boleh beli ps3 or x360slim or any other 4th gen mcm ni.

komplen je tau kan. nak initiate perubahan x nak. hehe.

let the quest begin! (tapi jgn harapla aku nak upload food review ke apa)

ok chiow.

violation of the mind

2010-11-22T15:24:00.002+08:00

i guess i'm in the age where i believe there will be dire consequences in all the wrong choices i make. maybe there is one happening right now.

i should've let fate runs it own course. and now i'm trapped. scarred.

benci laaaaaaa bodoh

ya Allah ampunkanlah hambaMu yang lemah ini...

will i ever be forgiven?

scammers

2010-11-09T13:48:00.002+08:00

::Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art of all.::

maybe i am a scammer's magnet.

probably one of my defining moment as the one with the upper hand of some sort. here's the abridged version:

missA(-):hallo miss

aku(+): iye saya.

- cik XXX ye? saya missA dari ikasih takaful. ni nak bgtau la. cik dah nak masuk tahun kedua, dah tarikh expired dia hari ni. so..

+ eh jap2. dari mana tadi?

- ikasih takaful.

+ saya ada signup ke?

- ada cik.

+ bila?

- masa cik amik visa atau mastercard tahun lepas. (aku still guna the same cc since 4 years ago.. tahun lepas? hmmm 1-0)

+ huh.

- pelan ni untuk perlindungan cik lah. kiranya kalau ada berlaku apa2, nnt waris cik la yg dapat. waris cik still (nama bapak aku) kan?

+ ha'ah.

- apa ic number encik ni?

+ saya x ingat la.

- birthdate dia ingat x?

+ ingat... XX/XX/XXXX

- cik ada amik ni, yuran tahunan dia rm250. tamat tempoh hari ni.

+ eh saya x ingat pun ada bayar utk apa2.

- dia xde hantar statement ke rumah cik ke?

+ xde pun.

- rumah cik di alamat XXXXXX kan.

+ uish saya dah lama dah x duduk situ.

- oh ye ke. cik duduk mana sekarang?

+ sekarang kat XXXXXX (siot dia berjaya amik alamat terbaru... xpe2 1-1)

- so sekarang dah nak masuk 2nd year, cik kena renew la pelan takaful ni. masa sign up haritu cik dah signup utk 2 tahun, so xleh nak cancel lah ye. (ting33x! apakejadah dah signup siap2 untuk 2 tahun, tapi nak masuk 2nd year kena bayar. kalau aku x nak bayar? 2-1)

+ eh jap. berbalik semula pada yg asal. setahu saya, mmg x pernah bayar apa2 yg saya x tau. kalau ada mesti saya ingat.

- mungkin consultant akak time tu dia bayarkan utk akak. (yolah tu... 3-1)

+ hmmm

- so saya nak confirm balik lah, nombor credit card akak betul ke XXXXXXXXX.

+ hmm.

- betul x?

+ betul.

- expired bila tu kak?

+ jap eh... XX/XX (tgk... dpt lagi satu info. cis 3-2)

- pastu akak boleh bgtau x nombor keahlian... iaitu 3 digit lepas 4 nombor terakhir kat belakang kad kredit tu. (MOTHER OF ALL 'TING's... nombor keahlian la sgt)

+ eh, mana boleh saya bagi nombor tu. kan itu lebih kurang personal number tu. habis la saya kalau nombor tu pun saya bagi org.

- bukan kak, ni perlu utk saya key-in dlm rekod akak.

+ ye la, tapi setau saya mmg xleh bagi sapa2 nombor ni.

- mcm ni kak, saya bg particulars saya... apa2 hal akak boleh cari saya. MissA, IC 84XXXXXXX, nombor telefon saya XXXXXXXX (which is weird, sbb x sama dgn nombor telefon yg dia guna utk call aku)

+ mcm ni la dik. saya gi makan dulu boleh? nnt saya call adik balik. apa nama pelan yg sama amik tu?

- i-kasih takaful.

+ apsal saya google xde pun? xkan xde website apa2 kot?

- hah? office kami kat XXXX (deflecting tactic: 4-2).

at this point mmg byk kali la we went back n forth regarding 'nombor keselamatan / no keahlian' thingy. and aku sure sgt2 si missA ni pass kat org lain utk ckpkan bagi pihak dia.

- kak, jgn risau kak, perbualan ni direkodkan. kalau ada apa2, akak boleh saman.

- x pun, akak bank in kat acc ni: XXXX pastu fax resit kat XXXXX. ok?

+ hmm ok.

- kalau ada apa2 akak cari saya. saya ana. (what? tadi bukan dah pass kat org lain ke? 5-2)

during lunch, aku dpt sms dari nombor yg call tadi. kasik more detailed info pasal apa aku kena buat. surprise2, aku tgk acc number tu atas nama dyn4sty v1s10n (nak elak org google jumpa hehe). and rupa2nya company ni byk involve dgn privilege vacation card scam/swindle. mcm aku nak percaya diorg ada branching out to takaful pulak kan.

to missA: kiss my foot!

ok chiow.

aa urm aa urm... ok!

2010-10-30T11:58:00.002+08:00

::To every disadvantage there is a corresponding advantage.::

fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me... fool me thousand times after that? what does that make me?

i keep telling myself that last one will be the last time anybody will ever take advantage of me. and i've been telling myself that for as long as i can remember. it still sucks, and it still hurts.

sometimes i wish i had the balls (not literally though) to say no without feeling any remorse later on. sometimes i wish i can speak up without fear of retaliation. sometimes i wish that i didn't really care whether or not i'm stepping on someone else's toes. sometimes i wish i speak only for myself.

maybe i'm scared that i will be left alone. that nobody would stand by me and the things i said. or maybe i'm scared to show the bitter side of me. i don't like being mad or angry at someone either. but if push come to shove, you'll be sure to regret it. and ultimately i will too.

please ask somebody else to do your job. and don't think nice is all i can be.

ok chiow.

Home, elusive home

2010-10-15T17:26:00.000+08:00

::Home is where the heart is, so your real home's in your chest.::

Home, elusive home

apparently there's a lot of ppl out there who share the same sentiment as me. that's somewhat a relief.

putting off buying a home for a year would make the price goes up by at least RM100k. gilo apo kalau aku businessman pun belum tentu dpt kumpul duit sebanyak tu. apetah lagi makan gaji, yg bonus pun nan hado. face it: houses are priced ridiculously high. of course property owners are jumping on the bandwagon too. easy money meh. beli rumah 230k, tunggu setahun, jual 350k. so the rich is getting richer. the middle is getting poorer. the poor will always remain poor. mcm quantum leap punya graf (agaknya, apa aku mengarut ni).

whatever it is, yg aku hangin, ko letak la rumah harga 1M for a 2-sty terrace, still ada org beli huwaa crazy ppl. how can 1st-time employee ever be a 1st-time homeowner with 1st (basic) salary? nak beli rumah pun kena tgk area jugak. kalau sume org beli rumah yg 100km jauh dari tpt kerja, yg mmg kerja dekat tpt yg org 100km jauhnya beli rumah kat situ nak beli rumah kat mana pulak?

so don't blame me for not really caring about belanjawan. for me it only means one thing: you have to pay rm1 for what you paid rm0.70 before.

or maybe i'm just plain ignorant.

ok chiow.

s-s-s-mokin'!

2010-10-06T09:45:00.002+08:00

::Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.::

pagi tadi ada satu pakcik ni yg baru lepas turun dari komuter, nak berjalan ke tempat kerja, nyala rokok dia. mungkin sempat la kot sedut sekali, pastu time nak hayun tangan (which reminded me of a question asked by a radio dj a long time ago: kenapa org jalan hayun tangan? and a caller answered: sbb pakai baju and seluar.), rokok tu terlepas dari tangan dia. rokok tu pun jatuh atas jalan... lalu pakcik itu ambil balik rokok tu (by that time aku pun dah ke depan dari pakcik tu, ye la xkan aku nak stop sekali kot), dengar dia tiup "fuh! fuh!". bila sampai kat satu tempat yg aku boleh tgk reflection aku dan org2 belakang aku, aku tgk dia tgh hisap rokok.

tu dia aihhh rokok dah jatuh pun boleh kutip dan hisap balik tuu. heheh ye la kan sekarang rokok dah mahal, rugi sebatang, rugi +-50sen.

mungkin org boleh ckp lantak ah bukan duit ko pun (haha aku pun selalu gunakan ayat ni to justify buying out-of-ordinary things), but when it comes to smoking, it involves somebody else. be it the smoke that everybody around you inhales, the ozone thinning, the smell when you talk, etc., it always involves somebody else. so in a way that affected somebody else is entitled to say sth about that, right?

bapak aku dulu heavy smoker. tapi it never affected me since lahir2 je itu la bapak aku (and everything else that comes along with it). but after being away from him for a while (for me it's 2 years), i realized how 'different' a smoker is compared to a non-smoker. and how 'nice' a non-smoker's house is compared to a smoker's house (mak aku ckp kesan kotor kat dinding rumah tu akibat asap rokok... mungkin betul kot). tapi sekarang dah berhenti dah. i can't really say how quitting smoking can give benefit you (sbb kdg2 aku rasa bapak aku sama je mcm dulu), but it's comforting in a way to know that your dad didn't spend his money on cigarettes... baik la bawak gi jalan2 kan hehe.

anyway i... digress? more like babble.

ok chiow.

right on!

2010-09-21T14:21:00.001+08:00

::If people know where you are, they know where you're not.::

powerful words, they are.

as if the manual constant status updates aren't annoying enough.

be safe.

i have no idea why i wrote this. just 'inspired'@'awakened' by the quote is all.

ok chiow.

pergi tak kembali

2010-09-03T13:29:00.003+08:00

::Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Sebenarnya maut yang kamu melarikan diri daripadanya itu, tetaplah ia akan menemui kamu; kemudian kamu akan dikembalikan kepada Allah yang mengetahui segala yang ghaib dan yang nyata, lalu Ia memberitahu kepada kamu apa yang kamu telah lakukan (serta membalasnya)".::[Al-Jumu'ah: 8]

innalillahi wailaihi raaji'uun...

raya 2009

31 Ogos 2010: Atuk telah pergi menghadap ilahi...

atuk aku kena strok raya haji 2002 yg menyebabkan beliau lumpuh bhg kanan badannya. sejak drpd itu mmg atuk dah tak boleh berjalan dan tak boleh bercakap. tapi atuk tetap sporting. tiap2 raya mesti tetap bagi duit raya kpd cucu-cicitnya.

atuk yg aku ingat adalah seorg yg garang. kalau atuk dtg rumah kami dulu mmg mcm2 la kitorg kena marah, dgn mak2 aku sekali kena hehe. adik2 aku pernah kena marah sbb kencing dlm kolah mandi kitorg (tapi mmg sengal pun). aku pun pernah kena sindir yg pedas punya. masa aku mula2 pakai tudung kat luar, atuk ckp, "tudung tu jangan pakai je tapi sembahyang tinggal jugak." uu pedas siot.

tapi dlm garang2 tu, tetap pemurah. kalau aku dpt result ok, mesti bg duit punya. kalau aku cerita aku gi sana, buat ini, mesti respon atuk best, bukan takat respon yg ala2 je. siap boleh tanya2 lagi. mmg supportive la. balik kg mesti atuk x lupa masak kari kentang.

waktu atuk dimandikan, terasa sayu sgt, sbb mmg atuk dah literally tinggal tulang dan kulit je. bila tgk peha atuk yg kurus tu, mmg mengalir air mata. betapa seksanya terlantar atas katil bertahun2. mungkin kematian ini rahmat dan kelegaan baginya. bila dikafankan apetah lagi. setiap lapis kain tu selesai, semakin aku mengalirkan air mata. mcm air terjun. mungkin masa tu aku terbayangkan kematian yg bila2 masa boleh menjemput aku pulak. dan berdoa agar atuk bahagia di sana. isteri pak imam yang tolong mengkapankan atuk sempat berbisik, "Alhamdulillah murah rezeki dia ni." aku x sure kenapa, dgrnya sbb kain kapan tu mmg cukup2 utk atuk. tidak lebih, tidak kurang.

sampai hari ni aku masih terasa pemergian atuk. sedangkan aku cucu yg biasa2 shj ni pun terasa kehilangan, apetah lagi anak2 atuk sendiri, atau sedara2 yg lain yg selalu jumpa atuk hari2.

semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. al-fatihah.

jackman mah man

2010-08-27T21:32:00.003+08:00

jackman when's your next movie? haha mcm gi tgk pun.

every man for himself

2010-08-18T16:08:00.002+08:00

::Men of ill judgment oft ignore the good
That lies within their hands, till they have lost it.::

busynya rasa.

if patent applications (or the intensity/difficulty of patent applications) are depicted on the y-scale, and examiners' expertise on the x-scale, then you would see that y=x^2 [x: +ve integer]. masa tetap 24hrs je jugak (or rather 8 hours of work time).

gone were the days where you could achieve your target and still have 1 week to spare.

mcm mana nak dpt bonus ni?

mcm mana nak world class ni?

ok chiow.

Why Forgive others during the Month of Holy Ramadhan?

2010-08-12T08:30:00.004+08:00

a good article fwded by one of the kakak2. taken from http://www.playandlearn.org/reader.asp?Type=Ramadhan&fn=121

Why Forgive others during the Month of Holy Ramadhan?

Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: Musa (as), the son of Imran once asked, "Oh my Lord! Who is the most honourable of Your servants? And He replied, the person who forgives even when he is in a position of power."

Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) said: "Whoever wishes that Allah (SWT) may favor him with His blessings and accommodate him in Paradise should refine his morals, behave justly with the people, take pity on orphans, help weak and the helpless and be humble before Allah who has created him."

You know what I'm referring to - those times when you get into an arguments with a family member, friend, boss, employee, coworker, classmate, teacher or whoever. You know your facts are right or that you've been wronged with an insulting remark, sarcastic comment or rudeness.

And so, you choose to hold a grudge. After all, you've got a right to. Nobody should be treated this way. Why should you forgive? You're not the one who started this. You're not the one who doesn't have the facts straight.

True. You may be right. You may be in that position of power mentioned in the Hadith above. But forgiving others, apart from positively affecting our health (less stress) and our minds (one less negative thing to focus on), is a necessary step to closeness to Allah (SWT).

How can we move up the ladder of spiritual development when we hold bitterness and anger towards another person? While we may have been in the right, is it worth sacrificing our energy on a grudge instead of on growth?

Is there not something strange about asking for God's forgiveness of our sins while withholding our forgiveness from someone who has hurt us?

We cannot expect for Allah's forgiveness unless we also forgive those who do wrong to us. Forgiving each other, even forgiving one's enemies is one of the most important Islamic teachings. Allah (SWT) says in Holy Quran: And those who shun the great sins and indecencies, and whenever they are angry they forgive. (al-Shura 42:37)

One of the distinguishing features of Ramadhan is forgiveness. Holy Prophet Muhammad (saww) explained in one Hadith:

"Ramadhan is a month whose beginning is Mercy, whose middle is Forgiveness and whose end is freedom from the Hellfire".

This makes it a great time to ask Allah (SWT) for His Forgiveness. It's also a wonderful time to open our hearts and cleanse them of grudges and bitterness by forgiving others. Let us use these remaining days of forgiveness this Ramadhan to open our hearts to those who have wronged us and forgive them as we beg Allah (SWT) to forgive us. Please forgive me; if I have wronged you in anyway!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Ramadhan is a holy month indeed.

take it seriously

2010-08-11T16:50:00.002+08:00

::To be free of destructive stress don't sweat the small stuff and by realizing that all stuff is small.::

suddenly i have proof staring back at me that i'm under much stress: cold sores! (or at least what i thought they are)

what the hell time2 aku kena berjumpa dgn byk org la ko(rg) nak muncul kan. siot betul laa... dah la sakit / gatal / memalukan. quoting a website, "And you thought that zit was embarassing!"

mine's probably in stage 3. so according to the pic above, i'd most probably have to endure this for 11 freakin' more days... cis. dah la dah start gatal2 ni, makin byk je pulak aku rasa. waaaaaaa nak mc 2 minggu

lagi satu yg aku x puas hati, apehal cold sores' other name mcm STD? aku nak google pun cuak, takut org IT ingat aku surf apa je nnt.

well maybe whoever named the virus could foresee the pain and anguish the sufferer would suffer, since cold sores are result of stress, and their existence could also cause stress. like what i'm going thru right now.

benci aa. rasa nak pakai topeng mulut je masuk meeting esok.

oops tertekan 'enter' dgn nada marah.

ok chiow.

have faith

2010-08-10T13:37:00.002+08:00

::There are many roads to hate, but envy is the shortest of them all.::

i tried to post a new entry without looking at other ppl's entries... hmmph. ended up looking at a few fvf's blogs, before deciding on one topic. where's my muse when i need one?

which brings me to this: envy.

i sometimes envy ppl who have interesting, mention-worthy moments in their lives. or a mundane activity beautifully redefined by the wordings. do i feel motivated by their experience? hell yeah. but somehow it won't materialize. x cukup duit la, xde teman la, xde masa la.... mcm2 lagi la xde. a funny thing actually, considering everyone has 24 hours, and i happen to have one of those jobs where you can't bring your work home. sulit la katakan... so what's the holdup?

because somehow i think i always carry this some sort of burden around. it didn't matter much before, but eventually this burden is eating me inside out. so much i begin to blame everything on this so-called burden. when i have no other things to worry about, by default my mind would wander around this thing, weighing, arguing, agreeing, regretting, etc.

i know i make no sense, but i'm not in a position to reveal anything. too many uncertainties.

so now you know why i envy other ppl around me. because i'm sure they don't have to carry the same burden i do.

i'm just praying that everything will be alright. but even that i'm doing it halfheartedly, since there is no way everything's gonna be alright.

ramadhan mubarak.

alhamdulillah

2010-07-24T14:37:00.002+08:00

::Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.::

so finally the result's out. haha somehow aku rasa aku dpt markah kesian. hey as long as i'm graduating.

i've changed so much.

zaman sekolah rendah adalah zaman yg paling relaxing. aku ingat time exam aku selalu paling cepat siap, siap kena sound sbb kacau budak belakang aku. actually more like cuba borak2 dgn budak belakang aku. ye la, sapa tahan duduk diam je sementara nak tunggu masa tamat? haha and homework? kacang goreng. aku boleh balik sekolah terus buat hw, before mak aku balik aku dah boleh siap. and she got back home lunchtime.

and maths was my favorite subject. esp time kat jasin, cikgu aku (i think her name is pn zainon) jenis kasi soalan sampai beratus2 sehari. mmg xyah fikir aa jawab soalan maths. cuma time upsr aku slack siket salah satu soalan (mcm mana aku tau? lepas exam cikgu terus cek jawapan yg aku tanda dlm kertas biru tu). pastu bila balik rumah aku cerita kena marah dgn mak bapak aku pasal salah soalan tu. (baru2 ni aku baru dpt tau yg kawan aku time sekolah rendah dulu ingat bapak aku garang sbb diorg dpt tau aku kena marah sbb x dpt nombor satu). haha old times.

sekarang? xde dah nak fikir dpt betul sume ke x. lebih kepada fikir "kalau aku dpt ni 7 markah, aku kena dpt berapa markah ek utk soalan ni utk lulus?" or there are times i wished that everybody did not so great so the lecturers would 'turunkan graf' a bit.

it's normal then that even to this very day, i would look upon my results and sighed, "apsal laa aku xleh dpt 4.0 mcm diorg?" now i sound like i'm ungrateful. but i'm not. i'm really happy with my result. because i really2 thought i won't make it.

haha sore loser.

maybe deep down inside i know i could've done better. maybe i resent the fact that i'm settled for the bare minimum requirements of life.

oh sudah2 la tu. i should be happy, dpt merasa konvo kat msia pulak.

ok chiow.

sensitive to the touch

2010-07-15T11:40:00.002+08:00

::Fear is the darkroom where the Devil develops his negatives.::

there are times when i think i'm socially inept. err i know i'm socially inept. the thought that i know i'm socially inept makes me becoming more socially inept. sensitif sgt haha.

aku x berapa gemar orang tanya dalam nada negatif. haha aku pun x tau mcm mana nak ckp, tapi ada satu bentuk/jenis ayat/soalan ni yg implies, "why in the world would you [insert verb] that?"

haritu ada org tanya aku, "oo mmg sain ko mcm ni eh?" in my mind, it means, "you mean this stupid-looking signature is permanently and professionally yours?". bab2 ni yg aku rasa champion mmg mak aku la. esp time masak la kan. nnt kang ada je soalan, "awak tak letak [cili/bawang/kicap] eh?" in other words: "apakejadah masak x letak [cili/bawang/kicap]?" maybe it's just me. apa2 pun mmg aku sgt annoyed dgn soalan2 yg merendahkan kredibiliti aku ni. walaupun aku sememangnya layak ditegur. tu yg malas nak masak tu (hehe alasan).

tapi kalau mak aku buat mmg aku x kisah sgt, sbb well, she's my mother. she can say whatever she wants, and i still love her. TAPI bila org luar buat, mmg aku hangin. esp bila soalan2 tu diajukan utk benda2 yg x perlu nak dipersoalkan pun. mcm sain aku la. i mean, why do you care?

ceh aku rasa mcm byk lagi contoh2 lain yg org persoalkan, tapi tgh x ingat pulak.

kalau nak tanya pasal sain aku yg sgt pendek dan comel lote tu, you can ask like this: "eh eh comelnya sign! mmg dari dulu ke guna sign tu?" or kalau pasal masakan, "kenapa x letak lebih [cili/bawang/kicap]?" it gives off a positive / suggestive mood to the question, instead of making it a sarcastic, degrading remark.

it's not the subject matter that i'm annoyed about; it's the wordings, how you approach the subject that annoys me. or maybe it's the person who says it. haha selective betul. so if i ever suddenly become defensive, you know you've hit my sensitive spot.

err is that allowed?

ok chiow.

it's all in the genes

2010-07-13T08:37:00.003+08:00

Mak : Offside tu ape bang?
Abah : Ish awak ni..dah brape tahun dah explain x faham2 jugak. Rafiq tolong explain kat mak jap.
Me : Camni mak, (pause the football match) bila orang ni pass..member dia ni xleh ade kt belakang last defender of the opposition team, cam xleh curi ayam la. Ah tgk tu (play the match back) linesman angkat bendera meaning member dia tu offside.
Mak : Oh so goal spain smlm offside la?
Me: eh taaaaaaak, sebab time num 10 (fabregas) tu pass kt mamat tu, cun2 kaki dia xlepas kaki last defender tu.
Mak : Ooooooooooooohhhhhhh~
Abah : ooo tu faham x?
Mak : tak
Me & Abah : ..................................................

taken from my bro's tumblr.

mak yang kelakar. err more like mula2 dgr annoying tapi bila fikir balik kelakar (selamba je kata mak annoying).

another anecdote:

abang: mak kita dpt kerja kat technology park.
mak: ee toksah la amik kerja tu.
abang: laa apsal? mak x dgr apa pun lagi.
mak: nnt dia cepat tutup.
aku: apsal nak tutup lak? mak pernah dgr ke pasal technology park tu?
mak: mcm theme park theme park tu kan.

yeah you must have confidence to be a mother. kdg2 aku terfikir gak, apa2 yg mak aku ckp before this, are those based on facts or 'motherly instinct'?

ok chiow.

how normal is normal

2010-07-05T14:01:00.007+08:00

frankly i'm tired of guessing the motive behind whatever you do, because there shouldn't be any.

and somewhat pathetic that the more i think of what you've done, the less i think of me. of what i could become.

i can almost imagine people laughing at us behind our backs. all because of you.

if only leaving is an option.

wonder how long we can continue with this farce. and what will happen once it ends.

woohoo

2010-07-01T11:12:00.003+08:00

::Every advantage in the past is judged in the light of the final issue.::

akhirnya!

walaupun aku masih cuak takut kena reseat some of the papers, at least the deed is done. it just makes me questioning the very purpose of staying in this line of work. jawab exam pun terkial2, heheh. well it's not like you have to prepare a licensing agreement (not just this is an agreement between so and so witnesseth that bla bla bla okay, i'm talking about the clauses on license of rights, royalty payment, dispute settlement, the whole nine yards) within one hour when you work in the field, right? meh, dah lepas.

looking fwd to spending my weekend the proper way. lama x tgk hindustan hehe.

tapi serious aa, mmg terasa lapang bila habis exam tu. selalu kalau aku balik kerja pun, kat rumah nnt mesti terfikir2 assignment apa yg x buat lagi, apa point nak letak dlm presentation, etc. walaupun sumenya selalu dlm otak je n the night before the class baru aku tercongok depan pc, the point is i always think about it. sekarang aku balik rumah mcm xde benda nak fikir (ok exaggerate). ada, tapi xde la meresahkan sgt (apsal pelik penggunaan 'resah' itu?)

anyway impian utk menghabiskan x360 games hanyalah tinggal impian. x360 abg aku rosak beyond repair. cis cun2 lak tu timing. hopefully abang aku akan beli x360 yg baru. tak pun aku masuk pertandingan mana2 pastu menang dpt xbox360 hehe.

speaking of which, aku masih dalam dilema, sama ada nak masuk yoonit trust (haha a lame attempt to block unwanted comments/hits) atau tidak. ada org kata bagus, ada kata x. ada org kata peluang keemasan, ada kata daylight robbery. masa makin berjalan tick tock tick tock. aduii apsal la aku x ada suami yg kaya-raya. ke akukah yg tidak bersyukur? ke those are two separate issues altogether?

ada org dah cop aku jadik housemate "kalau kita idop sorang2". sedih gila ayat. i highly doubt that though. err more like 'i hope not'.

aku prefer cerita cougartown dari glee. lagu2 dlm glee sedap tapi. and i never watch desperate housewives. or how i met your mother, or gossip girl. well i did watch gg once, and i was like, wth cerita pasal kawan makan kawan buat clique pastu buruk2kan each other anak orang kaya. ke sbb satu ep je heheh. and, x hensem pun hero2 dlm tu. setakat rahang tajam je. my alltime favs: csi + house (sekarang +ncis:la, castle, leverage dgn ada lagi satu yg jadik doktor kat kawasan elite duduk kat guesthouse boris, lupa nama). sign of aging?

ok chiow.

waka wakaka

2010-06-24T16:30:00.002+08:00

::If this business were split up, I would give you the land and bricks and mortar, and I would take the brands and trade marks, and I would fare better than you.::

aaaaaaa cepatlaaaa

i cannot bear this torture anymore
yet i'm not ready for the showdown
end this! but don't end this!
my mind is torn~

my eyes! my eyes!
redness is all i can see
squint is all i can do
what to do? been starin' too long at the pc

never thought time flew by so quickly
gone were the 'i'll do better next sem, i promise i'll be''
would i ever go through it again? sorry
full time maybe, but no more 'weekends only'
time for vuvuzela, no wait, jabulani

ah crap.

baru teringat ada lagi satu assignment.

ok chiow.

and seriously, wish me luck.

some have it easy

2010-06-07T11:42:00.002+08:00

::Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.::

katakanlah di suatu petang aku mahu pulang ke rumah. tunggu punya tunggu, komuter pun sampai. masuk ke ladies' coach, tgk byk lagi seat kosong.

satu row dia punya susunan mcm nih:

O_ _ O (O menandakan ada makcik)

i'd have to be a moron to not choose a seat. 45 mins tu nak balik, sengal la kan nak diri the whole way. the issue: seat yg mana?

mmg senang la kalau susunan yg ada mcm nih:

O _ _ _ O

obviously i'd choose the middle one. tapi kalau mcm yg atas tu, aku kena fikir nak duduk sebelah makcik yg mana satu. antara yg difikirkan:

-makcik yg mana yg busybody?
-makcik yg mana yg xkan terfikir apa2 kalau aku duduk sebelah the other makcik?
-makcik yg mana yg x go beyond the seat limit?
-makcik yg mana yg x kisah kalau aku terlentok kalau tido?
-aku selalu kalau tido, kepala lentok belah mana?

and you have to decide ASAP, kalau x mcm x betul je stare kat seats lama2 tapi x duduk2 jugak. silap2 org lain yg penuhkan sume heheh.

i'm not born great, and i don't have greatness thrust upon me. i'm just lucky to be alive.

ok chiow.

hidden agenda

2010-05-29T23:00:00.002+08:00

::I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.::

the thing i noticed about my father: everybody from kangar is most probably his relatives. i gave up long ago trying to figure out the branches forming the family tree, or finding the answer to why i have 2 pak longs from my father's side. and that's just paklong. just two words from my father: "sedara abah" and you're guaranteed a family treatment from us (or at least fr my parents laa, aku nak warm up to strangers ni makan berhari2). no questions asked.

so ada la satu mlm ni ada sedara aku nak dtg. aku rasa bapak aku ada explain how they're related, but somehow it's too complicated for me. mak aku ada ckp dulu dia dtg jual ubat apetah. pelik gak, apsal aku x tau pun kewujudan sedara yg satu ini. even parents aku pun x sure dia dah kawin lain ke, cerai pastu kawin lain ke, etc.

bila jumpa ni semangat la bapak aku nak bukak cite lama kan, tapi makcik ni mcm asyik nak cite pengalaman dia accident. i was like, you're visiting my father, and you're telling us your story? assuming she heard about my father's bypass surgery lah kan. even masa bapak aku semangat cite pasal adik aku keluar magazine, masuk tv sume, dia akan cerita balik pasal pengalamannya itu. hmmm fishy.

thennn the moment came. the moment when she said she drank sth and gradually she felt better. not, not sth. straight to the point she mentioned the name/brand of the drink. somehow aku rasa weird bila org sebut sesuatu yg jarang digunakan dlm perbualan, like "lepas tu saya pun hari2 la minum XXXX nih. asal pagi je minum XXXX. untung jugak ada XXXX". unless it's a hugely popular brand la, mcm milo, maggi, pampers. etc. then and there i knew she was up to sth. and i'm 99% sure knowing my ever so considerate parents would fall for this.

surely enough, esok paginya aku nampak tin minuman tu atas meja. bila tanya2, siap jadik downline sekali.

i'm not sure what pisses me off more: the fact that seorg sedara yg jarang gila nampak muka sanggup jumpa semata2 nak tambah rezeki dia, or the fact that aku pernah cuba utk pujuk mak aku beli benda yg sama tapi dgn mudahnya mak aku menolak dgn alasan benda tu mungkin tipu, tapi dgn makcik ni xde tunjuk bukti apa pun boleh bayar.

tgk je la nnt, lagi 2-3 tahun dia akan call ckp nak jumpa, bawak benda lain pulak.

man i have issues.

ok chiow.

no man's land

2010-05-20T14:12:00.004+08:00

::When men are scared of a woman, they always accuse her of being mannish.::
yeah finally. you have no idea how refreshing it is to not have to smell other people's sweat early in the morning. or how carefree you feel when you don't have to worry that much about who's standing next to you or who's behind you.

tapi still ada jugak yg mmg x faham bahasa. literally. well either that or diorg mmg ignorant gila. pastu terpaksa la yg prihatin tegur diorg suh pindah ke koc lain. nak suh cat koc tu kaler pink ke baru nampak... apetah. belum campur yg menggatal nak duk gak dgn budak2 pompuan pastu buat kecoh konon bagus.

haritu ada this african-american guy mengamuk pasal ada sorg pompuan tu asyik tunjuk2 kat dia. sampai mencarut2 marahkan pompuan tu. antara yg dia ckp, "why do you keep pointing at me? that's rude, you know. is it because i'm black?" pdhal minah tu bengang kat dia sbb dia duduk kat ladies' coach je. allo, kalau nak rasa racial discrimination gi US la wei. mcm bagus je jerit2 kat pompuan. pastu ckp sign utk ladies tu xde. ko pakai spek itam dlm tren, mmg le x nampak. err tapi aku pun x perasan sgt la sejauh mana pompuan tu buat sampai mamat tu terasa kan. apa2 pun, kalau dia x masuk koc tu and patuh arahan, xde problem punya.

taken from the website:

10. Apakah yang boleh dilakukan jika terdapat penumpang lelaki menaiki Koc Wanita ini?
Kerjasama semua pihak amat kami perlukan. Dengan cara yang berhemah, anda perlu memaklumkan dan meminta penumpang lelaki tersebut menaiki koc biasa.
Jika pintu tren telah tertutup dan tren bergerak, penumpang lelaki tersebut boleh turun dan berpindah ke koc biasa di stesen berikutnya.

---------------

bersama2lah kita kaum hawa menegur yg x sepatutnya berada kat situ... haha

ok chiow.

comeuppance

2010-05-10T13:10:00.002+08:00

::Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.::

ever heard of the songs often played at rtm back in the days? "jangan-jangan terlalu suka, suka-suka akibatnya duka." i always thought that as nonsense, i mean how can being overly happy/+ve about something can bring you down?

but now i'm feeling it. and it sucks.

last week i was in a relatively good mood (most probably because ip day is over), having laughs with other ppl. even kalau duk sorg2 pun i'd be amused by little things. sampaikan terfikir jugak, apsal aku happy semcm ni? ada apa2 ke?

and then monday came.

nothing happened really, but somehow all my -ve thoughts about everything suddenly decided to manifest themselves. sume benda aku tgk akan membuatkan aku rasa bengang. tiba2 aku rasa x puas hati dgn semua orang. ditambah pulak dgn kesilapan2 yg aku sendiri buat yg mungkin menyusahkan org lain... aa tension betul.

maybe the song is true.

ok chiow.

oh man oh man oh man

2010-05-08T22:49:00.002+08:00

ingatkan nak tunggu sampai my days as the ip day secretariat are over baru nak berkecimpung kembali di sini, tapi mcm lambat lagi je. and this is so worth it i can hardly wait.

back in 2005/06, there's this game called indigo prophecy. it's truly one of a kind, at least back then and at least for me. it's like being in a movie, where you played the hero/psycho in search of the truth. the gameplay was intense, ada certain times mmg x sempat nak digest what's happening sbb nak figure out how to control the character. mmg time aku main adik aku jerit2 bg sokongan moral, time dia main aku pulak jerit2 bg sokongan moral. walaupun the ending was a bit blergh, but the joy n thrill i felt throughout was ish x tau nak kata. maybe by now there's hundreds of games using the same MO, engine, storyline, etc. but like ppl said, the 1st cut is the deepest hehe.

now since there's no more new games for xbox, let's just say the one we have here (which btw was my older bros' before he bought the awesome x360) is just sitting there collecting fur and dust. boleh je main balik kan, tapi bila dah main x360, pastu nak main balik xbox mcm... buruk gila gambar (haha lupa daratan betul). pulak tu x syok aa main game yg dah dihabiskan. itu pun aku ada buat dah masa cuti kejap dulu.

anyway just now i saw in the paper a review on the game heavy rain. bila baca quantic dream, aku dah terfikir dah, apsal mcm familiar je nama tu. baca siket lagi, rupa2nya quantic dream is the maker of indigo prophecy, and heavy rain is their latest game! i don't need to read beyond the quote/snippet (where they usually put it in a bigger font than the rest) to know that this game is awesomeeee. cuma satu je problem: it's being released for PS3. only. ceh kalau ada utk x360 boleh gak aku tumpang kat abang aku je.

sekarang ni aku tgh rasa a bit off sbb i'm dying to know what the game offers, tapi aku takut kalau aku baca aku jadi sedih sbb xleh nak main sekarang. and obviously to play it, i have to buy ps3 1st. tapi mahal laa mana nak mampu nak beli. err actually rasa mampu je nak beli, tapi nnt takut menyesal habiskan byk duit utk benda lagha. tapi nak mainn... tgk dah tertekan dah ni.

i seriously need to reevaluate my wants and needs.

but 1st, finish my final sem 1st. and with flying colors kalau boleh. x dpt scroll kang naya je.

ops almost forgot. induksi is around the corner woohoo! alhamdulillah moga2 x ditangguh lagi. tapi nak exam tu yg payah tu. semoga dpt sah cepat amiin.

ok chiow.

all that jazz

2010-04-11T23:13:00.002+08:00

::No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be. . ..::

still alive and kicking. although i've been more alive than kicking. heck i don't even remember when was the last time i lift my foot for purposes other than the usual (walking, amik wudhu', nak tido, etc.) hmm and i'm pretty sure by alive, i mean still breathing. lively? err...

oh life's hectic, i tell you. it's just that i can't really give the reason for that. mcm busy doing nothing. erk tapi mcm terlalu drastik la pulak kan. sebenarnya aku rasa aku busy buat benda yg sepatutnya boleh settle at one go. mcm main cawan besar kat theme park la lebih kurang. ko semangat nak pusingkan steering nak kasi cawan tu pusing laju2, tapi all that it could do is rotates faster. and ko sendiri akan rasa pening nak muntah.

i seriously could not understand why people who already know what they want would wait for others to voice out their opinions first, than after all that effort these ppl would go, "actually it could've been better if we do it like this or that bla bla bla." dude, if you think on the get-go that you are more superior than others, by all means go ahead. voice it out. no point of saying, "i have pretty much the idea of what we could do about it, but let's see what others would do first." kalau setakat biar 2-3 jam ok la lagi, ni dah semangat prepare segala, baru nak kondem. aiyoo ever heard that time is money? we're not in high schools or univs anymore laa. i wonder if they really have anything on their mind though. i mean, they could've just improvised on whatever's presented and made it as though it was their original idea all along.

another thing. protocols. sometimes i do agree that protocols differentiate the civilized than the rest, but please do away with the ridiculous ones. example: answer the question if and only if you're the one being asked. so if A asks B sth that B might have some trouble answering, and C who's next to B is the expert, shouldn't at least C be given the chance to explain? and even if there's no chance given, is it wrong for C to answer it on behalf of B? or does it have sth to do with the job hierarchy and whatnot? mcm mana A and B nak maju kalau dua2 pun biar je soalan tersebut tidak berjawab / diberikan jawapan yg salah?

maybe i'm too young / immature or too idealistic for stuffs like this. maybe these nonsensical norms are necessary to preserve humanity, public order, peace, whatever. or maybe that's how things are.

if i ever reached the higher part of the hierarchy, i wonder if i would do the same things i don't agree with at the moment. hmm too early to tell.

ok chiow.

do or die

2010-03-09T17:31:00.002+08:00

::It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.::

as much as i hate to admit it, i crack under pressure. dump everything on my shoulder, and i would turn into a grumpy 80-
-------------------------
i don't remember when i wrote that. a week ago? last monday?

i do have a lot of stuffs worth writing about on my mind. but most of them are just rants. and some of them are just too specific anybody would've guessed what/who i'm writing about. bahaya woo kena saman kang heheh.

i once complained: "eee x acinya...". my friend then corrected me: "dunia / manusia mmg x pernah adil. Allah je yg Maha Adil." oh betapa betulnya pernyataan itu. even so i still want to complain. apsal laaa wujud ketidakadilan di dunia yg fana ini?

XPSP3 is still under 'verifying the download' status. wha? dah balik makan pun still x abis2 lagi? or should i cancel n restart? ---> ni case tiba2 pc crashed when i was busy being a hotel mogul. prevention is better than cure

when i started this job i was told that we have certain 'specialties' that we won't find anywhere else. hmm let's see:

i) a workstation of our own: check. but i think everyone of my qualifications is entitled to that. ok laa kira advantage jugak la sbb printer telefon pc sorang satu. come to think of it, we should get a room of our own. but hey, who's listening?
ii) nobody would bother us without reason since even the nature of our job doesn't require us to meet other ppl: pffft yeah right.
iii) no lobbying, fighting, etc because this is one of the "kenaikan tanpa kekosongan" job. pffft. enough said.

so why am i still here? call me delusional, but i still think there's gold at the end of the rainbow. still waiting for the sun to shine though.

plus kena bond lima tahun pun, hehe.

ok chiow.

[...]

2010-03-05T14:21:00.002+08:00

::Absence makes the heart grow fonder.::

so my dad finally got out of ijn after 2 weeks. his advice: if you have to choose between lifelong meds and bypass, choose bypass. ntah la mungkin dia rasa brand new ke x tau la tu. n baru je beberapa hari duk rumah kan, ntah2 lepas ni tiba2 depressed ke. too early to tell. tapi mungkin sbb bapak aku dah x tahan makan ubat lagi byk dari makan nasi.

anyway not everything's going on smoothly. for a diabetic to take good care of >1m of surgery scars (boleh panggil stitches lagi ke? xde jahit2 pun) is not an easy task. ni pun mak aku ckp parut kat dada tu ada nanah. kena gi klinik nak tukar dressing selalu. aaa ngeri siot.

bapak aku ckp before masuk OT tu, doc suh decide nak amik urat kaki mana. so he chose his left leg. sekali bila dah selesai tu, kitorg tgk bukan takat dua2 belah kaki ada belah, kat lutut pun ada sekali. since xde org bgtau apa2 (n kitorg pun x tanya apa2), kitorg assume oo maybe sbb ada 3 blockages, so kena amik 3 urat.

alih2 sehari before bapak aku keluar, doc bgtau yg sebenarnya urat yg dipakai kat kaki kanan tu je. sbbnya mula2 belah kaki kiri, tgk urat terlalu halus. then belah kat lutut pun, terlalu halus jugak. tu last2 amik kaki kanan tu. last2 berparut semua kaki. nasib pulak kena yg mmg ada kencing manis. tu yg lama duk kat ijn tu, nak tunggu sugar level turun. heh nak turun mcm mana, asal kitorg nak dtg visit je pesan mi rebus la, laksa la, chicken chop la, bihun goreng basah la, nasi ayam hainan la.

anyhoo, ckp pasal urat halus ni, aku rasa mmg genetik jugak la kot. teringat aku dulu konon2 nak gi derma darah kan, after years of trying asyik xleh je sbb kurang iodin (nak cari / masak / makan ayam@daging time tu pun susah), finally masa final year iodine level ok. uu gembira la sekejap.

tapi x lama. bila nurse cucuk jarum, tgk2 darah x keluar. aku x tau la salah ingat ke apa, tapi jarum tu besar, mcm audio plug. boleh pulak bila x jumpa tu, dia mcm pusing2kan jarum tu (while the jarum is still under my skin). time ni aku ok lagi, tapi mmg sakit x terkata la. siap tutup mata dgn tangan lagi, a failed attempt to counter the pain haha. lepas tu nurse tu ckp sbb darah x keluar tu, dia nak try the other arm. still the same thing happened. ya Allah seriously sakit sgt, tak pernah seingat aku sakit mcm tu. bila nurse tu tanya, "are u alright?" mungkin sbb dah x tertahan (or terharu dgn nurse yg concerned itu), apa lagi mengalir la air mata. sambil berair mata tu aku ckp, "it h-hurts." <--- nak menggambarkan betapa sakitnya aku time tu. haha x ingat pun ada gagap2 ke x.

nurse tu pun agaknya dah menggelabah bila aku dah nangis tu, dia pun terus x jadi amik darah. aku pun x berapa ingat sgt apa jadi lepas tu. yg pastinya aku dpt 1 big choc chip cookie. (somehow i think that was the main reason i wanted to donate blood in the 1st place).

ah, berjaya jugak jumpa gambar jarum tu. proof that i'm not bluffing:
x ke rupa audio plug tu?

and sampai sekarang aku still takut nak derma darah lagi. x sure takut darah x keluar lagi ke, ataupun takut ternangis depan org ramai. social suicide tu oi.

ok chiow.

subsidi dan sasbadi

2010-02-18T09:08:00.005+08:00

::After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done.::

mau isi minyak pun payah... apa daa. excerpt:

"He anticipated that it would take a longer time to process transactions as biometrics would be used to verify the vehicle owner’s identity through thumbprint scanning and this could lead to possible congestion at the petrol stations." Read more

i'm not sure this 'revolutionary' approach would sit well with me, with all those biometrics, rfids, documentations and whatnot. ppl seem to be forgetting that time is of the essence in everyday life. nak kena beratur LAGI LAMA dari sekarang nih? surely it's not a one-time registration for all car owners, since the main objective is to provide the subsidies to those who deserve it. on who deserves it though, i still have no idea.

another thing, i'm biometrically-challenged! i mean as far as fingerprints/palmprints is concerned anyway. having super-smooth (plus sweaty and cold) fingertips have never been easy, ditambah pulak bila lagi ramai org tgh tunggu turn, pastu nnt bila diorg pun pelik apsal aku lama sgt nak scan thumbprint etc, lagi la payah. and i'm sure there's hundreds out there who have similar problems, so imagine if we were to gather / register at one petrol station. berjanggut la org lain tunggu... haha lantak aa korang.

well you know what they say, alah bisa tegal biasa. pfft yeah right.

speaking of which, my cousin's daughter is planning to quit from an sbp early next month (no it's not tkc ;p). reason: x tahan kena buli. err susah gak nak komen, sbb aku x ingat aku pernah disuruh buat apa by those seniors. setakat belikan makanan kat kantin tu normal la tu. n serve utk seniors. eh ada ke? ke tu recollections from other seniors?

aku x sure sgt apa yg anak cousin aku tu kena sampai nak quit, tapi dia ada cerita yg kawan2 dia kena banned fr entering the dining hall for one whole day, ironkan baju, kasik laluan pd seniors utk amik makanan dulu, kena lecture, etc. hmmm mungkin budak2 sekarang makin byk lemak. baik juniors mahupun seniors.

there is this theory that disbbkan seniors x ragging juniors, bila juniors tu jadik seniors, diorg akan ragging juniors gila2 punya. sbbnya diorg x tau the extent of the raggings. wah x tau pulak aku boleh saiko mcm tu sekali kan, tapi yg aku ingat kitorg xde la kena teruk time junior, pastu bila kitorg jadik seniors xde pulak kitorg lupa diri ke daratan ke sume tu. aku pun x pernah kena suruh basuhkan baju org, n x pernah pun suruh org basuh baju aku. tapi bagi aku, seniors deserve a little bit of respect fr the juniors. how they instill it, well that's another story. a little respect goes a long way. and on how to get by all those seniority-basis stuffs, observe, analyze and take action. cth: turun makan awal (haha mcm org gila okay nak kejar chicken-day wednesdays), makan siket supaya cepat habis, basuh baju pagi2 buta before org lain bangun, mandi sebelum subuh, etc.

haha tiba2 teringat masa interview dulu panel tu tanya patut ke senior buli junior? aku x ingat la apa point aku, tapi mmg aku jawab perlu. haha siot mungkin sbb tu aku x dpt job tersebut. mmg nampak muka interviewer tu berubah bila aku ckp perlu. ala as if aku ada buli org pun sekarang nih. bahaya jujur all the way ni... so sgtlah x boleh jadi politician heheh.

p/s: aku x suka sgt buku sasbadi dulu. harap tebal je lebih, isi tah hapa2.

kid me

2010-02-17T13:21:00.003+08:00

grade is just a letter.
grade is just a letter.
grade is just a letter.

GPAs are just numbers.
GPAs are just numbers.
GPAs are just numbers.

now i'm seriously worried about the coming semester. and seriously believing that a particular someone is out there trying to get (read: fail) me. 2 courses already. payback for dozing off? huwaa kejam sekali.

3rd time's (@ semester's) a charm? hope so.

and i am entitled to live in denial once in a while, so leave me be.

congrats to those who passed with flying colors. jeles la ni... sob sob

ok chiow.

p/s: bapak aku masuk ijn hari ni. please pray for him and for us

penang trip - part IV

2010-02-08T20:33:00.004+08:00

selepas mencuci mata di street market (pasar jalan? pasar lorong? pasar laluan?) sambil membeli beberapa barangan yg mungkin sukar didapati di tpt2 lain (clue: taylor swift), rasanya dah kul 12 lebih baru sampai hotel balik. pastu sume pasang niat nak bangun awal, nak bercanda di pasiran pantai, except for sedah yg siap sound, "korang nak bangun bangun la, jgn kejut aku okay." oo lupa nak bgtau, kitorg dpt connecting room! bestnya rasa mcm dpt satu bilik yg besar.

pemandangan balcony kami dari balcony farah/eyan

tapi as usual, terlajak. sume pun bukan main kunci jam awal2, last2 sedah je yg dgr haha. itu pun berusaha la nak ajak sume turun. ye la, aku dgn eyan semangat beli seluar/tshirt, sbb x bawak spare. rugi laa x guna kan. tapi setelah bercalling2 dgn other rooms, diorg sume nak gi bfast dulu. apa lagi melantak la kami dulu (oh sungguh buruk bunyinya.. melantak).

gambar melantak... NOT! ni gambar posing selepas habis melantak

after makan, beach time bebeh! the hotel provides a private guest-only beach, n pagi2 tu boleh katakan kitorg la majority. apa lagi bergambaq laa

percubaan buat love... 1st try terus (boleh tahan) berjaya hehe

sebut ramai2: buaya biawak buaya biawak...

lepas dah puas bercanda-candaan, sume pakat balik bilik, nak checkout. plan nak singgah another must-try, nasi kandaq. kasik can eyan drive. again nak kena pergi based on directions fr nirma. haha tapi ni mmg aku yg bersalah laa.. aku rasa aku faham direction (nirma kept on stressing "ko masuk simpang, nnt gurney plaza belah kanan, laut belah kiri.. pastu nampak gurney hotel") tapi somehow bila dlm keta tu aku mcm blur mcmmana nak sampai ke gurney belah kanan laut belah kiri tu. err in my defense, lagi senang kalau bgtau nama kedai makan tu (kapitan's, btw) or that it's situated in the gurney tower building. mmg susah la kan, xleh nak guna garmin whatsoever kalau xde nama kedai. haha tapi mmg lawak laa nampak g hotel terus "haa ni la gurney hotel tu! dah tukar nama kot!" confidence is a must.

nasi briyani @ kapitan's. sedap kot, sampai diorg sume tapau bawak balik

after nasi kandaq, we made another pit-stop: chendol! a famous cendol street (i assume, since ada at least 2 cendol stalls kat jalan yg sama... opposite each other lagi) kat lebuh keng kwee. aku kurang gemar makan chendol, so aku order ais kacang. dua2 sama harga: rm1.90. it was only rm1.60 in 2008! ada org siap buat spekulasi lagi yg sebenarnya dua2 stalls tu owned by the same person, sbb setting sume sama. tapi sapetah komen yg lagi satu punya tu mcm santan x berapa pekat? sth like that.

boleh tgh syok2 makan, tiba2 dtg kirah n the gang! small world, small world. diorg pun sama nak enjoy makan chendol gak. so last2 camwhoring kat lebuh keng kwee tu.

lepas itu kami pun beransur pulang... sume pun sendiri2 je, x larat laa nak berkonvoi whatsoever. sempat lepak makan laksa kuala kat kuala kangsar, sempat gak bergambar dekat emsikeke (haha cubaan utk mengelak org google jumpa site ni), dan juga menabur kata nista terhadap sekolah tersebut. jeles sebenarnya, sekolah diorg very the english looking, dgn big tree la big clock la apa lagi big la. well actually kitorg x bergambar dgn sekolah itu, tapi ada satu spot yg menarik. sempat gak usha buku panduan mengajar sedah! aa comel gila tgk syllabus: mengajar murid2 cara2 menggunakan gunting dan aktiviti menggunting. okay i made the words up, tapi basically that's what she was supposed to do. amazingly tulisan sedah masih tulisan kolej. it takes one to know one...

pastu perjalanan balik mmg mcm biasa je... except we bumped into niza (yg x dpt join kitorg berhuhahuha sbb kena balik kampung in-laws). jumpa pun secara x sengaja, farah yg tgh syok2 drive tiba ckp, "eh apsal aku mcm kenal keta depan ni?" "omg ada sticker!" "ha'ah la nombor familiar laa... haritu ada nampak kat rumah tasnim." tgk2 niza... haha konon2 nak mms aa gambar keta dia dari belakang. tapi last2 x jadi. so kitorg ala2 mengekori keta dia sampai la laki dia masuk lane kiri balik. then terus kitorg potong sambil hon2 haha bengong. mesti laki dia bengang je sapa laa yg duk cucuk dari tadi. xde la cucuk sangat, tapi kalau dah bawak kat lane kanan je... hehe peace.

all in all, syiok! i could go on and on about how time passes and we're still the same person inside yada3, but words won't do them justice. they are truly amazing girls. we can not meet for 10 years and still act like we've been together all these while. or maybe i'm just too attached to them haha.

just one advice though: you haven't met them all until you've seen penang drivers. or until you drove around penang. aku rasa kitorg berempat sume ada menyumpah seseorang di penang.

ok chiow.

penang trip - part III

2010-02-05T22:52:00.004+08:00

kat padang kota boleh katakan tercapai gak impian dari 2 yrs ago (that long? erk). again dgn bantuan garmin farah yg awesome berjaya sampai dgn selamat. haha agak malu la, terpaksa mintak tlg farah (ke eyan? lupa dah) sideparked my car, sbb aku akan amik masa yg lama utk berbuat demikian. that's what friends are for anyways, right? hehe.

medan selera padang kota terbahagi 2; front part (yg org akan nampak dulu from main road) is the chinese-populated food court; belakangnya baru malay-/muslim-populated one. sampai2 je sume berebut panggil kitorg suh duduk tpt diorg. agak confuse mula2, selalunya kalau dah duduk kat satu2 tpt tu, kat kedai tu je kita boleh order dgn. tapi sume pun specialty shops, mati la kalau makan je x minum air kan. hehe nasib baik boleh je duduk mana2. dah duduk tu, sume pakat berebut2 suh order dari diorg. mmg mcm x sempat fikir. time farah dgn eyan gi pilih pasemboq (RM21), aku dgn sedah terkulat2 fikir nak order apa. last2 aku order laksa, sedah order sotong kangkung (RM12) n orderkan sekali kerang bakar (RM10).

tips: bila order jgn ckp e.g. sotong kangkung 1, better ckp sotong kangkung utk sorang makan... somehow 1 = 1 set utk 3-4 org, so imagine berapa byk kitorg 'kena' makan... wuargh

one word: de-freakin'-licious! ataupun kitorg mmg tgh lapar (mungkin x berapa kenyang makan kat rumah tasnim, plus byk sgt hidu air laut). pasemboq (err ejaan bakunya pasembur @ pasembor?) sedap, sotong kangkung sedap, laksa sedap, kerang bakar pun sedap. dah la dah mmg janji nak makan dgn rest of the girls malam tu dekat batu feringghi. mmg last2 tu agak terseksa laa nak habiskan. esp sotong bakar yg byk itu. mula2 ingat x habis, so mcm plan nak bawak balik, boleh la makan malamnya ke. sekali sapetah (rasanya farah) bg cadangan lumba kopek kerang. dah la sepatutnya antara sedah dgn farah je, tapi last2 empat2 lumba sekali. haha mungkin kitorg ni mmg attract attention gak kot, sbb terdgr salah sorang abang tukang jual tu sound, "mcm budak2." like we care hehhe. last2 sedah menang, ada la 20+. farah pun 20+, tapi kurang satu. aku dgn eyan bukak belas2 je. last2 licin gak sume. jolappp

pastu nak cari jalan ke kedai makan tpt kami sume janji nak jumpa. mula2 tu diorg dah bg direction, kat batu feringghi, dekat2 dgn holiday inn / holiday villa yg aku pernah duduk 2 yrs ago. i was like, aa tau hotel tu. boleh la cari. tapi mcm manetah lepas lalu laluan berliku2, tu, diorg call ckp tpt tu dekat dgr shangri-la. mmg confuse la, sbb shangri-la tu mcm 1st hotel lepas jalan simpang-siur tu. siap u-turn lalu balik situ sume. bila call balik, rupa2nya kedai tu dia punya entrance in-between kedai2 pasar mlm yg byk gila org jual dvd,cd,souvenirs tu. hehe aku rasa kalau ckp je dekat pasar tu, mmg senang nak cari. ataupun mmg aku yg payah no nak faham direction (aku rasa reason yg ni, sbb the next makan2 mmg i'm totally to be blamed aa haha).

pic courtesy of kirah. katanya ada 28 org. pening siut borak sana borak sini haha

aku sampai sekarang x tau tpt makan ni nama apa. yg aku tau kat pintu gerbang dia ada tulis tiger tiger tiger. haha ok laa makanan dia. mcm berderet stalls kat situ. shosh siap tunjuk kedai2 mana yg halal mana yg x. penuh orang x hingat... tapi time ni aku masih kenyang, so selera agak terbantut.

last part coming up!

penang trip - part II

2010-02-02T10:41:00.003+08:00

heheh ingatkan nak buh gambar2 fr the trip, tapi mcm lama lagi je nak tunggu. kat fb ada, tapi res x berapa best + kalau kat ofis mmg x dpt nak jenguk pun fb... so bacalah. pics will be inserted fr time to time. jika rajin.

sampai2 kepala batas, jam jugak. sbb kena lalu depan sekolah, and ada sekolah ganti. uu padan aa parents byk ada short fuse je. aku yg nak passed through pun rasa nak garit je kereta lain, apetah lagi yg nak jemput hantar anak. boleh menguji kesabaran yg amat.

around 2pm, sampai rumah tasnim. mmg dah bersanding tepung tawar sume dah rasanya... sampai2 nampak a few of our friends tgh makan. tanya mana lain? tgh amik gambar. apa lagi, kitorg dgn semangatnya terus menonong ke pelamin nak bergambar. haha belum sempat duduk lagi tu. rasanya mcm x sempat2 nak say hi to tasnim pun, lepas bergambar terus bertegur sapa dgn other girls. haha mcm la lama x jumpa, pdhal sume fr kl area jugak tu (err agak lama la x jumpa jugak... for me at least).

pic courtesy of farah hana

dah puas bergambar2 di tepi pelamin, baru la kami berempat duduk makan. ingatkan yg lain2 sume nak balik dah, sekali lepak gak dgn kitorg. mmg satu meja tu meja kami lah. borak2 dgn mummy-of-2 maryam n 8-mth pregnant izzy yg dua2 dah jadi org penang sekarang. anak sulung maryam dah 5 thn... kejap je rasa. mcm baru je semlm main ice skating dekat uiuc dgn dia dulu haha fehlong jap.

dah habis makan sume, baru kirah diyana baity ina sampai. sempat la borak2 lagi siket. pastu sume pun beransur nak check-in kat hotel. mula2 ingat nak konvoi, tapi biasa la bila tgk spot2 menarik utk bergambar, ditambah pulak dgn farah n eyan yg mmg avid photographer, pakcik RELA kacau pun kitorg rilek je ("bahaya bergambar 3 orang. nnt yg tengah tu kalau x berpisah... mati". to which sedah answered, "xpe pakcik, kitorg mmg jarang jumpa pun." haha). last2 nirma shosh lain sume pun dah jalan.

posing sambil pegang cawan berisi teh tarik

memandangkan kitorg dah dekat utara penang, n hotel tu pun kat tanjung bungah (utara pulau), dgn konfidennya kitorg opted to board the ferry. siap lalu butterworth outer ring road yg lengang itu ("ni mcm MRR2 la jugak nih" haha road expert konon.. pdhal the only similarity is "ring road"). mmg kitorg sume pun teringin nak naik feri, aku pun lupa bila last time naik feri. mmg best wooo dgn angin sepoi2 bahasa, dgn bau air lautnya. siap bg mms 'jgn jeles' kat diorg yg lalu jambatan haha. tapi last2 sampai lambat gak, sbb jalan jam.

atas feri berlatarbelakangkan komtar

nak cari hotel pun satu hal. byk one way, kurang signage. kalau x kerana garmin kat hp farah yg awesome, mungkin kitorg dah berpatah balik ke kl (exaggerate). bila dah ada garmin nih, lagi la seronok nak berjln2 uu yeah. so selepas solat mandi sume, kitorg plan nak merasa makanan penang yg mcm2 ada. mula2 ingat nak cari char kuey tiaw, tapi yg the best kat balik pulau, which is at the other end of the pulau. mmg x sempat la, dgn janjinya nak makan ramai2 dgn others mlm tu. last2 kitorg settle kat padang kota, makan pasemboq.

hambar la xde gambar... nnt ah aku letak. till then. update: gambar! courtesy of farah and eyan.

penang trip - part I

2010-01-26T13:18:00.004+08:00

last 2 weeks or so kitorg dpt jemputan gi kenduri salah seorang kawan kami, tasnim di kepala batas, penang. tgk penang masa tu aku dah, "jauhnyaaa". sume org yg selalu aku join pun senyap je, so mmg big possibility xde org plan nak gi sana la kot.

pastu bermesej2an dgn farah, kot la dia nak gi n tgh cari org. tgk2 dia pun malas nak bawak keta. sekali dia msg, "... ke ko rajin nak drive haha bleh rase naik ***z ko tu tet!!". ide yg baik nih. pastu aku pun ckp ha boleh try tanya bapak aku dulu, pastu nak tanya2 org lain sapa2 lagi nak join.

awal2 tu mmg parents aku x kasik. kata jauh la, keta aku tu x stabil la. mcm nak nangis la jugak, apsal aku buat sume xleh, org lain buat sume ok je. kalau keta tu x ok, apsal suh aku beli dulu. mmg ingat x jadi la ni, tapi aku suh gak farah bookkan bilik. last2 hari khamis tu bapak aku ckp, "kalau awak nak sgt, ok lah." the closest to a greenlight i've ever got. yeehaa road trip bebeh!

so di waktu officematesku sedang sibuk menikmati juadah jamuan awal tahun, aku sibuk bersms / call nak organize itinerary. sume pun duk jauh2 tu... dari desa pandan sampai la ke kuala kangsar aku nak kena amik. n had to try to make it to tasnim's place by 1 pm (time dia sanding).

on D day, x bangun lewat pun, tapi biasa la kelam-kabut sume kan. pastu keluar2 rumah je keta dah beratur. cis terlupa sabtu ada sekolah ganti. bersusun kereta kat mana2 jln pun. adehhh kul berapa mau sampai desa pandan nih. last2 7:30 baru masuk highway, awalnya janji 7:30 amik eyan dulu. campur sesat2 nak cari rumah eyan lagi. tapi alhamdulillah berjaya sampai jugak.

ard 9 sampai bukit beruntung lak, amik farah. disbbkan kami sume belum breakfast, singgah kedai mamak makan roti canai. 930 baru bertolak ke kuala kangsar lak amik sedah. err aku kena syarat sebenarnya nak drive ni: kena drive <100kmh. tabley tahan beb, highway ke utara sume lurus bak bendul. boleh syok2 drive, farah tegur, "tet... tu dah 120 tu." terus terngiang2 kata2 bapak aku. terpaksa slow down. akhirnya around 11 sampai rumah sedah. maka bertolaklah kami berempat ke rumah tasnim.

nak kirakan, sepatutnya ada 5 org, sbb azian dari perlis pun nak join. mula2 dia ingat nak drive, tapi since kekla (kawan lagi sorg) x dpt join, dia pikir nak naik bas. aku pun siap ckp, ok je boleh jemput dia kat butterworth. hehe tapi dlm hati dah terpikir alamak kena make another stop. tapi last2 x jadi, sbb ingatkan dia nak drive jugak tapi x jadi akhirnya. so kami berempat je le.

430 km later, sampai la kami ke rumah tasnim.

to be continued...

kawan sama saya

2010-01-20T11:33:00.002+08:00

::You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real::

some things are better left unsaid.

not this one.

semlm on the way nak balik rumah, and on the way to the train stop (yg agak jauh dari turnstile tpt masuk itu), aku terperasan (as in noticed ye, bukan perasan) ada satu mat salleh ni jln dgn slownya kat depan. boleh tahan tinggi jugak la, tapi aku mcm x sure dia ni tourist ke expat, sbb dia xde bawak gargantuan backpack or pakai sneakers / sport shoes. pastu gaya jalan dia pun mcm pelik, tangan dia mcm extra lembut. hehe x tau mcm mana nak explain, mcm ayun laik siket kot?

anyway, mat salleh ni gi approach sorg minah ni (yg kat depan aku jugak). dlm hati terpikir oo mat salleh ni nak tanya direction kot... ceh aku pun mentally prepared apa nak dickp in case dia tanya aku pulak lepas tu (haha xleh tgk org dlm kesusahan la kononnya ni). tapi aku pun mcm nak cepat jln jugak, so mcm x dgr / x perasan apa jadi dgn diorg 2 org tu.

as expected, mat salleh tu approached aku pulak. tiba2 terdgr, "mau gi mana?" mmg serious off-guard time tu. ye la, i was expecting a question in english. muka mat salleh hidung mancung rambut blonde tiba2 ckp melayu (yg slang ala2 typical bangla), terkedu la kejap.

MS: mau gi mana?
A: balik.
MS: turun mana?
A: bangi.
MS: kerja sini?
A: yes.
MS: sudah ada boyfriend?

-aa time ni aku dah confuse dah nih. apa ke hey nak tanya pasal aku ada bf ke tak. nak je aku jawab, "none of your business" or "tiada kena-mengena dgn kamu" or "why are you asking?" tapi aku pun confuse nak jawab dlm bm ke english. last2 aku geleng kepala je.

MS: sudah ada suami?
A: -geleng-.
MS: mau kawan sama saya? mau teman saya jalan2?

-this is usually the part where ppl used phrases like "whadaf**" or "WTH??". and i'm pretty sure i heard 'kawin' instead of 'kawan', tapi mcm x konsisten lak dgn the rest of the conversation, so let it be at 'kawan'. serious aku confuse, marah pun ada. aku terbayang mcm dlm manga / anime, yg tiba2 org tua tanya kat HS girls ajak gi teman diorg karaoke mcm tu. me n my imaginations.

anyway bila dia ulang2 soalan yg sama tu byk kali siap hulur tangan sume, aku pun start angkat kaki dgn lagi tinggi (i.e. jln lagi laju). hehe takut duh nak toleh belakang sume. pdhal ramai je org.

haha k syud ckp ntah2 mcm kes serina&gavin, yg mula2 kenal buat2 x tau, last2 kawin. sorry naik lori le... apa kelas ngorat kat komuter. err and i'm not that desperate to be involved, married etc.. agaknya la. xkan la apa jua yg dtg approach aku aku kena take it as a potential husband? ngeri tu.

ainur ckp kat haritu, "kat dayabumi tu ramai je hot engineers, apsal xde yg sangkut tet?" boleh tak tanya balik, "mana?"

ok chiow.

prevention is definitely better, no?

2010-01-15T15:19:00.005+08:00

::Men are rewarded or punished not for what they do but for how their acts are defined. That is why men are more interested in better justifying themselves than in better behaving themselves.::

i think i've stated it before; there are times when who says it matters.

no doubt everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but to shape your argument or so-called findings so as to fit the mold of what you have in mind or worse yet, of what you're influenced to believe in? now that's twisted. vicious even.

yes i know there must be a pro-gov or anti-gov or opposition or neutral parties/organizations in order to create a balance of the nation, but a reason of just cause is simply not enough. xkan la sbb itu sume dtg dari kerajaan, maka ia patut ditentang? similarly, xkan la sbb yg cadangkan itu pihak pembangkang, maka ia patut ditentang? itu buta tuli namanya.

mmg sgt pelik la tgk org argue bukan main pdhal beneath all the wordings kita pun tau apa yg dia cuba tegakkan: tindakan pihak itu salah, which is NOT even a conclusion or an opinion to the issue at hand. not that hard to deduce, now there's internet and whatnot. x berapa susah nak detect org yg bentangkan arguments dia based on apa yg dia nak cuba sampaikan at the end of the day (err contohnya mcm debaters boleh? heheh). yg kdg2 aku geram bila kaburkan semua tu dgn ayat quran or hadith or fiqh, etc. seolah2 betul sgt la apa yg diorg tegakkan tu, and berdosa sgt la org yg anggap benda tu salah. at the very least, they use SAT words. hey, appearance is everything. would you believe an accusation on a filthy piece of paper? of course not, kurang2 kena la pakai statutory declaration kan.

or maybe i'm just biased. who doesn't?

ok chiow.

freedom is not free

2010-01-11T13:02:00.002+08:00

::Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.::

agony no more! err not for the next 2 mths at least.

biasa la lepas exam je, start buat azam baru: x nak last minute lagi. somehow aku rasa akan azam itu tetap akan jadi azam utk tahun berikutnya. uih tapi struggle la kali ni. serious. ala2 lost hope pun ada. well got nobody else to blame but me. now, now, time to move on.

rasa mcm selalu sgt aku cite pasal mimpi. tapi nak buat mcm mana, kdg2 aku rasa mimpi aku tu sgt pelik.

one of the dreams i had was about this blog. sth like kawan aku promote blog aku kat org lain sambil ckp, "kelakar aa cerita2 dia." wahahaha kembang jap. xde la kelakar mana pun tapi. maybe this is one of my deepest wish: to be famous. haha ntah. x kot.

another was about another friend of mine who blew off the entire cabinet. no, no THAT kind of cabinet. this is the kind that involves people. lots, and lots of ppl. i actually remember almost the entire drama, tapi tulis pjg2 takut org pening + bosan lak, in light of my 1st dream kan, heheh. tapi the main thing is somehow all the influential ppl were gathered in some sort of giant room, and suddenly the lights were off, then my friend gave this "you're supposed to take care of us, bukannya pentingkan diri sendiri...now it's too late" speech, then suddenly tebaboom.

pastu start la kecoh2 org huru-hara sbb xde pemimpin, duk bergosip kat kedai kopi sapa punya angkara, etc. somehow ada org terselamat dr bom tu, pastu diorg start bina balik kehidupan (?). after a while tiba2 ada satu announcement suh kumpul kat bombing site, tgk2 ada satu hall yg lagi besar dari yg sebelumnya. rupa2nya ke situ duit rakyat dihabiskan: build a bigger space. perjuangan yg sia2 nampaknya utk kawan aku tu.

thruout the whole thing, aku pun x sure aku di pihak sapa. sbb mcm xde bercakap langsung pun dgn sapa2. mcm jadi pemerhati je. and bukan dari langit pun, more like a bystander. bystander yg xde perasaan.

is it my secret, deepest wish? alamak, x tau nak ckp. mimpi hanyalah mainan tido je kan.

kalau cuti kerja sekali kan best...

ok chiow.

vent

2010-01-04T15:16:00.002+08:00

::A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.::

can't help thinking: is it worth it?

frustrating when you know that you know the answer to the last question; it's just that you're too slow of a writer to even attend to it. there goes my 10 marks.

and to think that i've declined every (albeit almost nonexistent) wedding or get-together invitations for the last month.

i need to stray away from the usual:
Q: what do you think the effect of X?
A: Z.

and migrate to the new:
Q: what do you think the effect of X?
A: to understand the effect of X, we need to understand: what is X? we've seen that in Y X is interpreted as "...." while in J X is defined as "....". the issue here is whether X actually affects Z-related entities, and if so, in what way.

... and that's just the intro.

or maybe, it's just me.

and time2 mcm ni jugak aku rasa sume org ternganga je mulut tunggu org suapkan. and that "org" is expected to be me. apsal bila aku nak org suap, aku kena mintak, kena tagih? apsal aku pun semangat sgt nak tolong? it sucks when you know the sincerity has been long replaced by obedience. or maybe fear. fear of being badmouthed.

get used to it. i'm not as nice as you might think. so don't get all "omg what happened to the usual her?" when that happens.

stress disorder? i'd like to think so. let's hope the mood changes next week, bila dah habis exam.

aku x tgk lagi avatarrrr

ok chiow.

bencinta

2009-12-15T13:20:00.002+08:00

::We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying::

if i were to live like i'm dying, i won't bother with the assignments. mcm leh pakai pun cert kat alam barzakh... hehe. so kris allen, shut up!

aku rasa aku 1st time dgr org ckp, "mmg bercinta betullah" bila buat sesuatu (in this case, assignment). maybe pernah kot dgr before this, tapi x rasa benda tu pelik. haha in a way betullah kot, dah 24/7 ngadap benda tu je, bercinta dgn kertas2 tu je la kan. is it one-sided tho? err susah mau jawab heheh.

tapi yg sebenar2nya, boleh je siap cepat, tapi nak siap cepat tu hanya boleh dicapai sehari sebelum due date. so sekarang mmg tahap bermalas2an lagi. cuma guilty conscience tu agak kuat bila time yg sepatutnya habiskan assignment tu ko buat kerja lain. but in the end, you still do the not-assignment stuff. membazir perasaan jek.

still searching for my element. tabley tahan laa tgk org lain enjoy sana-sini, aku lak nak kena buat assignment and study for the exam. ada ke buat time org cuti krismas, new year... gilo apo. nak gi jln2 kenduri kawin pun x senang. x senang as in hati x tenteram gi jln2 tapi kerja x siap.

haha tapi dlm pada nak mencapai objektif "to focus on my classes and my classes alone", sempat gak aku gi sunway lagoon (14-year wish okay), karaoke, warehouse sale, main frozen throne, avenue flo, etc. x senonoh...

mcm tak sabar nak habis exam, tapi tak nak exam lagi.

ok chiow.

edisi marah diri sendiri

2009-12-01T17:18:00.002+08:00

pagi tadi terlambat keluar rumah. tapi nasib baik dpt tpt duduk, so release tension dgn tido. sampai midvalley dah tersedar sbb akak sebelah nak keluar, so amik alih tpt duduk dia pulak. pastu mcm on off siket, sampai lepas kl sentral. bajet mcm sempat la nak kejar 815 (kena prepare mental dulu, sbb nak kena jln laju). sampai2 je terus aku ke pintu, terus keluar, naik escalator pun mcm naik tangga.

masuk2 lif, tgk jam aaa dah 815. merah le hari nih. tapi xpe, life must go on.

around 10, aku mcm teringat pasal assignments yg berlambak x buat lagi. pastu berazam nak try cari additional materials. eh? additional? meaning aku dah ada sth to start with la kan? tapi mana?

masa tu baru aku sedar, TERTINGGAL PAPERBAG YG ADA TELEKUNG N SOME NOTES KAT DLM TREN!!!!

aaaaa geramnya rasaaaa

cepat2 cite kat k syud, pastu k syud cuba menenangkan, ckp "ntah2 tertinggal dlm keta kot, mmg x bawak kot." i was like, "xde, mmg kita ingat ada pegang masa masuk komuterrrr." then cepat2 call ktmb, pastu call another number. tapi mmg mcm lost cause la, sbb encik yg jawab tu aku ckp je tertinggal barang kat komuter, dia terus "susah tu." ada la tanya tren kul berapa ("laa ni dah pukul 10 ni..."). come to think of it, itu je soalan yg dia tanya. oh and sapa nama. aku yg volunteer cite dlm paperbag kaler merah, dlm tu ada telekung n a few documents (dia x tanya pun penting ke x docs tu... cet). pastu mcm nak cepat hang up je, sbb xde tanya pun phone num aku. aku gak yg bgtau, "kalau ada apa2, boleh x call saya di xxxxxxxx".

aaa geramnya. how could that happen?? have it happened before? is there any chance that somewhere i left something else behind? and what are the chances of it happening again?

balasan kot, byk buat dosa nih. argh.

kalau jumpa balik mmg miracle betul.

ok chiow.

the paradox of expectations

2009-11-30T16:22:00.002+08:00

::Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution.::

there are times when i think that the world (okay, exaggeration, the entertainment industry) has become too predictable. or am i too genius for the world? err nak gi mana kalau mcm tu?

pernah masa form 2, masa tu kitorg tgh nak tgk some performance by the students. ada satu tu seingat aku ada org main piano, pastu the penyanyi in the middle of the song akan keluar dr backstage (i.e behind the curtain) and nyanyi. the piano was at the right side of the stage. ada kawan aku sorg dah tgk the rehearsal, so dia pun tanya aku, "ko agak2 budak yg nyanyi tu keluar dr mana? dr belah kiri ke dari kanan?" "kiri." "alaa mcm mana ko tau..."

you see, it involved some thinking and theorizing. i don't remember why, tapi mcm the norm at that time ialah bunyi akan dtg dari arah piano tu. so normally budak tu akan keluar dari belah kanan la. tapi disbbkan aku tau kawan aku xkan tanya tanpa sebab (i mean, kalau jawapan dia biasa2 je, xkan org nak tanya kan?), so i chose the unexpected thing, and said kiri. agak bangga jugak la tgk muka dia x puas hati sbb aku dpt jawab (pdhal 50-50 chances nak dpt betul hehe).

the thing is, if you always expect the unexpected, the unexpected becomes expected.

mcm movies / series / dramas / books jugak la. ppl always want to be different, always want to present the difference, always nak jadi lain dr yg lain, last2 org akan expect the so-called difference jugak. kdg2 bila start satu movie, bila aku rasa apsal mcm pernah tgk je movie dgn jln cerita mcm ni, aku akan pay extra attention to every little detail, so belum apa2 lagi dah boleh agak who killed who, who did what, etc.

perasan x hingat entry ni.. haha. kadang2 je kot.

penat la bila selalu tau the ending before the ending. it robs you of the entertaining factor. tapi cerita yg sgt straightfwd pun x best jugak. ataupun cite yg byk sgt throw baits here and there, tapi x contribute apa2 to the story (ada satu buku cite aku baca, asyik2 ckp watak utama tu kejap2 makan ubat, kejap2 picit kepala, kejap2 org risau tgk dia muka berkerut, tapi last2 xde kena mengena dgn apa2 pun dlm cerita itu). x pun, the makers nak sgt buat satu cite yg xde org boleh expect, in the end it doesn't make any sense at all. or are we supposed to enjoy the journey of getting to the end instead of the end result itself?

yup, we humans are insatiable indeed.

err x bagus pun selalu buat perkara2 lagha ni...

ok chiow.

it's in your blood

2009-11-23T10:47:00.010+08:00

::there will be blood.::

sapa kata actions/behaviors are not hereditary... since jenis darah pun hereditary, indirectly our behaviors pun hereditary jugak la kan, hehe. though i'm not all psyched to know that that's what i really am, it can be an excuse for whatever (wrongful) things you've done as well. boleh la lepas ni kalau kena saman, "saya mmg kena bawak laju encik! x caya cek darah saya."
credits to greenteachat / realcrazyman

ok chiow.

have a heart

2009-11-16T13:22:00.005+08:00

::A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope.::

ada satu kucing ni mmg tiap2 hari dtg rumah makan. mmg dah mcm rumah sendirilah rumah kitorg nih. pagi at least sekali, petang at least sekali. black persian lagi, badan mantap lak tu. kdg2 tu x kisah aa dia nak makan sekali kan, tapi masalahnya kucing hitam ni makan bykk. kdg2 kitorg saja je penuhkan bekas makan tu walaupun xde kucing yg nak makan, tapi nnt tgk2 kejap je dah licin. dah la mahal aduiii.

satu lagi masalah kucing ni, dia suka pancut merata. in layman's terms, dia nak tanda kawasan (sbb byk lagi kucing kami yg jantan). which is a problem la jugakkan, sbbnya IT IS NEVER HIS PLACE IN THE 1ST PLACE. satu lagi sbb rasanya dia belum dikasikan (aka dimandulkan). believe me, he hasn't.

penat laa balik2 tgk ada kesan di organ cabuk kami itu (ntah2 rosak sbb dia huwaa). lap hari ni, esok ada balik. pastu pagi tadi sebelum aku gi kerja dah nampak dah dia masuk mengadap makanan. tgk2 muka dia mcm dah kurang bulu dah, x sure sbb gaduh ke kurap. which is, again, gonna be a big problem as well, sbb kurap amat senang berjangkit. leceh nak diubati pulak tu (try to hold an active cat still for at least twice a day for at least 3 days... calar balar).

yg paling aku geram WOI TUAN KUCING HITAM NI, JAGALAH KUCING KO BAIK2. dah tua je biar melarat. kesian tau kalau time hujan tgk dia berteduh bawah keta kitorg, kalau yg time lebat gila sure lencun dia ni. nak je aku bawak dia ni gi kasi, kurang2 selamat organ kitorg (w/pun terbang la nnt rm70). time nak breed je jaga elok2 kan... siot tul la.

secara x langsung, aku geram jugak yg suka bela kucing, tapi biar kucing beranak pinak tapi x jaga. kalau dah tuan tu, buat cara tuan la. kalau ko xleh nak jaga kucing, jgn bela langsung. pastu boleh nak kata kejam kalau mandulkan kucing. mulia lagi la eh kalau biar anak2 kucing yg ko x nak tu cari makanan sendiri kat tepi jalan, makan benda tah hapa2, pastu end up mati kena lenyek.

ok chiow.

antidotal anecdote

2009-11-09T13:23:00.002+08:00

::We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. ::

i'm pretty sure what i'm going to tell is not as funny as i think it is, but i just wanna get this out of the system. sbb aku takut org ingat aku saiko tiba2 gelak sorg2, be it dlm bilik air, tgh basuh pinggan, or dlm komuter.

my coursemates and i were taking our lunch at a cafe. one of them (whom i should call Mr.J or Hj.J) have met my dad earlier during makan2 time raya, so he knew about the heart attack, the scheduled angio, etc. and he also have undergone angioplasty. so normallah kan aku nak tau apa akan terjadi pd bapak aku seterusnya. therein goes the conversation:

Aku: MrJ dulu ok je kan lepas buat angiogram kan?
Mr.J: ha'ah.. saya boleh buat angioplasty. oo ayah mcm mana?
A: ayah saya xleh buat angioplasty tu...
J: oo ye ke. block dah serious sgt eh?
A: ha'ah... ada tiga salur yg serious.
K Syud: (ckp sth tapi aku lupa apa) <--- nak tunjuk yg k syud pun ada masa ni
A: ada satu tu, yg belah kiri, block sampai 100plus...
S: (dah gelak terkekek2 dah ni)
A: eh 100plus pulak. 100percent.
S: (sambung gelak)

sudahnya aku dgn k syud gelak x ingat (sambil makan pulak tu). aaa bengong boleh pulak tersasul time2 topik serius. yg aku xleh stop gelak sbb HjJ tu muka dia rilek je makan masa aku salah sebut n masa kitorg gelak2 tu. mcm xde apa2 je. either he's oblivious to the word slip (which i highly doubt, sbb kitorg bukannya ketawa sembunyi sopan ke), or he's one hell of an actor. and of course, susah jugak la nak sambung perbualan tu, sbb aku nak ckp je tergelak, dgr k syud gelak pun nak tergelak, tgk muka HjJ pun nak tergelak.

ada org kata org2 yg mempunyai pekerjaan mcm aku je yg akan anggap salah eja, salah tulis ni kelakar. ye lah kan, we're afterall paid to read those documents, to detect any typo errors.. so it's like 2nd nature to us. x caya tanya org lain. kitorg boleh jadikan benda yg org tersasul or salah tulis tu isu yg tahan berhari2.

.... or not. maybe it's just me. even my nickname is originated from a tersasul-ed word.

heh, mungkin org lain x nampak apa yg lawaknya. xpelah, yg penting aku mungkin xkan senyum sorg2 lepas ni.

ok chiow.

formerly known as Prince

2009-11-02T12:43:00.004+08:00

::Most people think time is like a river that flows swift and sure in one direction. But I have seen the face of time, and I can tell you: they are wrong. Time is an ocean in a storm. You may wonder who I am or why I say this. Sit down and I will tell you a tale like none you have ever heard.::

uu yeaaaaahhhh

masa mula2 tgk still ni dlm paper , ingatkan animated movie. lagi2 pulak keluaran disney kan. rupa2nya live action wahlauwei jake gyllenhaal jadik prince! somehow i prefer see an animated version rather than the live action. sbb prince dlm PoP games tu sgt agile okay. mcm impossible org betul boleh buat. mcm hitman tu, bosan gila boleh tertido halfway. even aku tgk adik aku main game hitman pun boleh a couple of stages tau. ah well, with cgi, anything can happen. disney lagi.
dlm poster ni gyllenhaal is very prince-like. i'm not sure what kind of words should i use to describe him, hehe. the word 'brooding' came to mind, tapi mcm x kena je. err dark?

tapi bila tgk gambar ni, ish mcm x kena lak. he looks more like a disheveled dark-haired caucasian male than a persian prince with time-bending powers. dgn mata bulat lagi.

the prince in the game. bila tgk prince ni, sorg je yg aku leh bayangkan:

john abraham yg macho. enough said. (matila kena block pc aku ni nanti, dikatanya melayan fantasi... nak buat mcm mana, gambar lain sume rambut pendek / x keluar kat pc )

ish kalau la aku free time2 mcm ni, akanku main balik all 3 PoPs. heh pastu bila free x pandang pun xbox tu. excuses excuses.

ok chiow.

PnC

2009-10-30T17:08:00.003+08:00

::9 to 5 I got to keep that fat stack coming
No matter how big the shark is, the right keep running
Washing cars ain't no place to be a superstar man
That's why I work, and work::
technically, washing machine cleans the clothes "... by way of pounding and rubbing the items of the laundry with each other." doesn't seem all too clean now, eh?

aku rasa dah 1/2 jam cuba membezakan "outer peripheral part of a door", "outer peripheral edge of the inner side of a door" dan "outer peripheral edge of an outer side of a door". not to mention why sometimes "a" is used instead of "the", and vice versa.

in the end all i could see is peripheral.

cis tiba2 teringat ada satu scene in a movie / drama where a black guy (i'm just trying to paint a clearer picture of the scene, okay.. i'm not that much of a racist) is emphasizing to another guy about looking at girls with peripheral eyes. the black guy keeps on saying "Peripheral! peripheral!" sambil buat gaya mcm gaylord focker's FIL intimidate focker ("i'm watching you" punya gaya). aiseh movie mana lak nih.

and i still can't help wondering why the hell am i stuck with this kind of.... thing. totally not my thing. aku akan buktikan, aku boleh berjaya!

ok chiow.

151st state

2009-10-21T09:57:00.003+08:00

::You can hide behind your stories, but don't take me for a fool!::

aku rasa aku dah tulis lebih dari itu... tulah, one blog for every new stage of life. apsal x maintain satu je. some sort of escapism? heheh.

i termimpi aku iye2 ckp dgn kawan aku yg aku boleh carikan keta kancil dgn sgt murah (kancil ex850.. ada eh?). kawan aku pun semangat la dgr, last2 mintak no tepon yg berkenaan. masa tu aku dah gelabah, so aku main bantai je sebut nombor tepon sapetah @ reka2 no tepon. sekali nombor tu lebih kurang dgn no. tepon kawan aku itu. pastu kawan aku pun dah x percaya kat aku dah (not before aku cuba clarify kenapa dua2 nombor tu lebih kurang, tapi of course she didn't buy it). termangu2 aku sendiri bila bangun dr tido.

if dreams were my real thoughts, it saddens me that the best thing my mind could muster is kancil. aku x pulak rasa ada sapa2 yg aku kenal sekarang ni tgh nak beli apa jua jenis kereta. what metaphor does it represent?

people lie. sometimes they do it to escape themselves, some because they don't want anybody to get hurt by the truth. yes i get that. but to keep on building lies upon lies? do they still do it out of compassion, or just because they know the other party would be stupid enough to believe all those lies?

what of the other side of the lie... kalau kita yg selalu dibohongi (ace.. mcm dlm novel lak haha), larat ke nak layan lagi org2 mcm ni. and which is worse: to give the liar the benefit of the doubt knowing the chance of him/her lying, or to doubt every little things he/she said even with all the supporting evidence.

sometimes i'd rather not dream at all...dreaming and hoping and wishing can be exhausting. especially when deep down you know all you have to do is take action.

uh-oh, gambar suda tidak keluar...

ok chiow.

atas talian (samb.)

2009-10-15T11:48:00.003+08:00

me: ko punya alasan lain tadi kan

haha

XYZ: hahaha.. alasan aku? tak ingat dah

heheh

tp seronok gak especially tgk single photo camwhore...

heheh

me: haha gelakkan ramai2

kdg2 yg dah tua, dah beranak pinak pun nak camwhore lagi mcm anak dara

XYZ: tu la.. geli aku tgk

nak amek gambar proper2 la sket..

setakat amek muka jer.. pastu tambah lak dgn ayat2 yang orang tak nak tau ko buat apa masa ko amek gmbar tu.. heheh.. lagi hampeh

me: hahaha

kdg2 gambar kat spot yg sama, tapi angle lain2, mimik muka lain2, tapi sume letak kat satu album

XYZ: contoh... amek gambar muka tgk pose dpan webcam... pastu tulis.... (last day kat ofis.. )... ape kena mengena??

me: hahaha

bongok aa ko

pouty lips

x pun buat mcm "shhhh" tu

XYZ: haha.. pastu amek gambar masa driving

amek gmbar bersama driver kat sebelah...

sian driver.. tngh penat2 drive disuruh pose...

me: "otw to pavilion, nak beli new shoes"

XYZ: takpun macam website TTTT...

beli baju susun2 letak price tags.. pastu citer.. owh murah nyer harga baju2 nih

bongok gile

me: haha

TTTT tu sapa

XYZ: ko buka blog dia...
TTTT@yadayada.com

spesis mcm $$$$

XYZ: pastu orang yg terlalu obsess dengan anak macam anak dia je paling comel

me: haha tu mcm ramai je

overexpose anak sendiri

kesian kat budak tu

haha

XYZ: kalau orang nak dengki or nak kidnap budak tu, senang je.. muka memang dah kenal

me: hehe

kdg2 dah lari dr tujuan asal berblogging

more like nak dpt pujian dr org yg tgk je

pendapat kita aa

XYZ: hehe.. kadang2 ntah hape2 org merapu dlm blog.. layankan aje laa ... kalo dah takde bahan lain nak dibaca

me: hehe takut terpengaruh je

just coffee talk. like we're gonna do sth about it heheh. tapi kdg2 terasa mcm bongok la jugak, tertawa kecil depan monitor. lagi teruk kalau nak gelak besar, tapi terpaksa 'dikecilkan' atas sbb2 tertentu. sakit laaa. gelak pun susah heheh.

why does everything seems to have the same deadline? atau aku je yg suka bertangguh? argh fenin.

ok chiow.

atas talian

2009-10-14T14:01:00.009+08:00

::It is often easier to become outraged by injustice half a world away than by oppression and discrimination half a block from home.::

energy can never be created nor destroyed. it was simply transferred from one form to another. apparently, bandwidth is one form of energy as well. you transfer all the bandwidth used in the 'unproductive' section to the 'productive' section. so much so in the undesired section only a flicker of it left, since energy can never be destroyed. a flicker so tiny it's not enough to be of any use. yet, we hunger for the unattainable. a classic case of "you asked for it", i presume?

anyway, entertainment comes in all forms. check this out (certain items have to be deleted due to privacy heheh):

XYZ: kena carik businessman la

flexible hours

me: mcm ####

XYZ: leh jalan2

me: janji kayo

XYZ: yuckss.. i hate her

muka plastik gila

me: kan

tapi ssekarang mcm ok lagi

masa zaman botox belum difatwakan haram, ya Allah muka dia

mcm kena sengat lebah

XYZ: macam muka @@@@

me: yess

XYZ: hahaha.. geli tengok aritu masa raya

me: muka keras

XYZ: muka takde feel

heheh.. agaknye ko maki2 dia pun muka dia maintain mcm tu

me: tu la

marah ke, nak meneran ke, nak nangis ke, mcm tu jugak

XYZ: lagi muka ****.. hahaha..

rahsia kecantikan dia pernah tak baca

me: omg

air wuduk

XYZ: insaf aku mendengarnye kalo air wuduk boleh buat bibir terjuih mcm tuh

me: dia ingat org percaya ke

mengong

XYZ: hmm.. bagi aku kalau betul dia memang berwuduk tu tak kesah la kan.. tapi agak2 la muka plastik macam tuh... iye ker wuduk.. abis tu apesal muka imam2, ulama2 bila dah tua nampak gak urat segala

me: hahaha kan

tutup kedai aa sume plastic surgeon kalau pakai air wuduk dpt bibir mcm tu

XYZ: hehe.. wallahualam.. :P

tapi tu aa.. agak2 laaa.

eh dengar citer pengasas XXXX tu skrg pakai purdah ek

me: ha ye ke

x tau, lama x nampak dia dlm iklan dia

bagus la mcm tu

XYZ: itu la

&&&& pun botox eh

me: katanya tempe

haha

XYZ: mcm siots

hahah

aku pun mkn tempe.. berlobang gak muke

me: hehe

di cucuk vit C kot

flawless semcm

tapi x tegang mcm ****

(cont.)

truth never lies

2009-10-13T17:29:00.002+08:00

::There is this paradox in pride - it makes some men ridiculous, but prevents others from becoming so.::

abang aku cite, ada satu pagi ni dia gi isi minyak kat seksyen 7. dia nak isi rm30, so dia bg rm50 (fresh fr the atm), cashier pulang rm20. dia pun gi la isi minyak. sedang2 isi tu, tiba2 cashier tu dtg balik kat abang aku. dialog (yg aku reka based on my bro's quotes and fahaman aku sendiri, just to make this story more interesting):

C: bang, ada masalah siket la bang.
A: uik masalah?
C: ni duit palsu ni bang (sambil tunjuk duit rm50 yg agak lama dan sedikit koyak)
A: eh, bukan saya yg bagi ni. saya bg duit baru tadi.
C: xpe bang, abg jgn risau. benda ni mmg biasa berlaku bang.
A: masalahnya bukan duit saya ni.
C: saya dah biasa dah hadapi perkara2 mcm ni. apa kata abang bayar dulu, pastu abang report kat polis.
A: habis kalau saya bayar lagi rm50, saya dpt apa?
C: relax bang. benda ni mmg dah biasa dah ni. saya faham.
A: ye la, tapi bukan duit saya tu. saya bg duit baru tadi ha, baru keluar dr bank. mana ada duit buruk mcm tu.
C: kalau abang x caya, saya boleh tunjuk kat abang CCTV kitorg.
A: okay fine. jom kita tgk CCTV.

by that time mamat tu dah mula gelabah. dia ingat org malas nak tgk cctv ke. bongok.

C: leceh siket bang, kena tunggu supervisor saya, nak kena mintak permission tgk cctv.
A: saya x kisah, nak sgt tgk, jom la tgk.

last2 dia bawak abang aku masuk bilik cctv diorg. SV dia pun ada kat bilik tu. cashier tu explain la the situation. abang aku cite kat cctv tu pun tunjuk la abang aku gi kat tingkap cashier bayar. mmg nampak aa abang aku bg duit, dia pulang baki. lepas tu nampak cashier tu masukkan duit yg abang aku bg ke dlm satu kotak ni (cash box kot, yg jenis once dah masuk xleh bukak balik). alih2 dia amik satu rm50 dr keyboard dia, dia terus keluar tinggalkan tpt tu. time ni SV dia pun dah bising, mana boleh left the place unattended. pastu abang aku pun bising2 aa ckp dia tuduh sembarangan. terdgr gak SV tu ckp kat mamat tu, "mcm mana ni, dah masuk 3 kali nih". pening aku. dah 2x buat hal sebelum ni pun still boleh kerja kat situ lagi?

anyway cashier tu mintak maaf kat abang aku, ckp dia tersalah la (pdhal mmg niat nak menipu tu), sorry nyusahkan laa. SV tu tanya abang aku, nak buat report polis ke. boleh lak abg aku lembut hati agaknya lepas cashier tu mintak maaf, dia kata x payah. err tapi kalau aku pun aku malas nak buat report kot. habis masa je. takat report kat boss stesen tu je la kot. plg kurang pun burukkan kat blog hahahaha.

moral of the story: berhati2. and know your rights.

ok chiow.

lucky strike... NOT!

2009-10-08T13:25:00.002+08:00

::bidooh mu ni. kawe ayoh tu, si XXX tu. hari2 habih 5 kotak. xdok ghapo pung.::

humans are too complacent when it comes to fate. where fate is concerned, suddenly it doesn't matter if you neglect your (and everyone else's) welfare, health; if you're destined to live long, you'll live long.

masa bapak aku masuk hospital haritu, sume mak2 pun pakat bgtau anak2 diorg, nilah padahnya kalau hisap rokok. sume org pun "yela, yela." abang aku pun bila balik rumah mentua dia, dia pun cite la pasal bapak aku kat bapak mentuanya. secara x langsung, dia nasihatkan la jugak bapak mentuanya itu. hence the above reply.

not that i blame him, though. kalau tgk abang aku pun, kdg2 aku x percaya gak yg dia ni ada unsur2 health conscious. ni pun satu sifat manusia la ni. tgk nasihat tu dtg drpd siapa. err i do that too sometimes. kalau aku rasa org yg bg nasihat tu pun x berapa betul, aku pun was2 nak ikut nasihat dia. sepatutnya kita ikut je la nasihat tu kan, regardless who gave it. as if kita sume ni maksum.

along the same lines, recently ada kawan2 aku berasa musykil dgn kerja kami. what if the invention's related to liquor, gambling, etc.? if we cleared the application, have we committed a sin? aaa ntah la, sbb aku personally x pernah dpt benda2 mcm ni, so i don't really have a firm stand on it. mungkin bila aku dpt, i'll revise my opinion hehe.

tapi bg aku, what we're doing is approving the technology behind the invention, not the invention per se. it's really up to the inventor / applicant to decide what to do with it. err kira x bert/jawab la kan? like one of my friends said, kalau invention tu sgt berfaedah kpd manusia, tapi org salahgunakan utk benda2 haram, bukan kita yg bert/jawab nak hentikan. another man's invention may be another man's weapon, who knows?

tulah, ini hanya pendapat aku. ada org ckp better tanya ustaz. err nak tanya pd yg x paham apa kami buat pun susah gak (what i wrote is not even a gist of how an invention is granted) (and err not i'm undermining ustaz's credibility). dibuatnya terkeluar statement yg not to our favor, mau collapse dept aku ni.

pernah dgr org ckp kalau kerja x berkat, hidup mesti susah hati je. erk aku rasa aku kdg2 susah hati gak, adakah kerana ini?

have faith, ppl. and put some effort too.

ok chiow.

bl4rdy h3ll

2009-10-07T10:46:00.002+08:00

::The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.::

sengal... aku punya la tunggu supernatural latest season kat axn semlm (latest by msian entertainment standard), tiba2 part tunjuk previously, ada lilith la, ruby la, dean masuk neraka la. i was like, bukan previous finale diorg terbukak satu gate yg bebaskan devils/demons ke? who the heck are lilith and ruby? and why is dean dead? so bila habis tgk premiere pun aku masih terpinga2.

today fr wiki i learnt: rupa2nya aku termiss 1 whole freakin' season! hampeh badigol so'od betul. mcm mana boleh termiss ni? walaupun 16 eps je, still... i have no idea apa hala tuju diorg sekarang ni. ke mmg x tunjuk kat msia? alaaa terkilan lak rasa. cis3.

okay exaggeration.

anyhoo... that castiel guy is really up on my list, bawah siket dari dean hehe (sbb castiel nampak mcm pendek n bongkok haha). of course sam aku campak nun jauh kat tapak kaki. rimas aa tgk laki rambut pjg nih. tv je la sumber hiburan aku, sejak bertukar kpd wireless broadband (yg sgt x torrent-friendly).

ok chiow.

doppelgänger

2009-10-02T08:53:00.002+08:00

::To be idle requires a strong sense of personal identity.::

my favorite pastime: googling names. usually done when i've run out of things that can be done online. and that time has come. baru semangat nak upload gambar raya... ceh.

i took pride in my name, a rather unique name i might add, hehe. ye la, all this while mmg xde jumpa org lain yg guna nama tu anywhere in the virtual world (well, as far as google is concerned la. kalau guna meta search, mungkin ada org quote namaku dlm research paper diorg ke cewah). mcm abang aku, satu batch kat sekolah dia dah ada nama sama, sungguh la x unik. adik aku rafiq pun ada org nama sama kat egypt, siddiq ada kat pakistan, pikah kat msia je dah berapa. we're talking about nama penuh here, kalau salah satu nama tu mmg le ramai.

until now.

behold, the other 'me':

aku rasa ni mmg gambar baru ni, uploaded aug 09. ada jugak rupa2nya. tapi, mungkinkah yg bg nama kat adik ni terjumpa nama aku online, pastu tertaksub, lalu guna nama itu? almaklumla, i've been quite an active blogger since 2001/02. perasan... haha.

pastu ada lagi... another me posted a recipe of lamb kebab somewhere. boleh gak tu terpikir, ntah2 mmg aku sendiri yg letak recipe tu heheh. tapi agak impossible la, sbb xkan aku nak letak recipe utk benda yg aku x pernah buat. i'm not even sure if i've ever eaten lamb before. ni pun newcomer ni, sebelum ni x pernah jumpa pun. or mungkin ada, tapi page belakang2. xde masa nak browse sampai page 10-11, sampai page 6 je cukup hehe.

tapi byk gak eh website yg display name and more to non-loggers (okay i made this word up. i think. nak panggil apa utk yg x log in?). ada linkedin la (yg aku sign in pastu x pernah tgk balik). ada satu website ni pun boleh tunjuk website org tu, apa latest comments / new from the site, a la digg.com. lupa la nama.

so much for laying low. heh.

ada org kata kat dunia ni ada 7 org yg sama rupa dgn kita. (aa teringat dulu su iya2 ckp jumpa aku kat berjaya times square, pdhal masa tu aku x pernah jejak kaki pun kat sana). nasib baik muka kitorg adik-beradik x sama, kalau x dah jadi 11x5 = 55 org. daym. ke tinggal lagi 3 je kat luar sana kalau muka adik-beradik sama? ah confuse i.

ok chiow.

when we're gone

2009-10-01T08:35:00.002+08:00

::Nature does nothing uselessly.::

i don't mind ppl don't know where msia is; i'm just content with being relatively safe from the nature's wrath.

makcik aku yg kerja kat bank negara semlm sakit kaki, sbb kena turun 9 tingkat because they felt the tremors. dekat je bank negara, x rasa pun? err not that i wanted to. (update: kejadian pukul 6 lebih, masa tu aku tgh tunggu komuter kot hehe)

semlm ada 2pupu aku (mak arwah n mak aku sepupu) meninggal sbb breast cancer. she's only 43-44. by the time we arrived jenazah dah dimandi n dikapankan. at one time driver van jenazah masuk rumah. dia ckp jgn tutup muka arwah dgn kain tudung (sedara aku buat mcm tu sbb nak bg senang org nak tgk muka arwah), instead siap2 tutup dgn kain kapan, cuma jgn ikat so kalau nak tgk kena selak2 kain kapan tu. pakcik tu ckp lagi, bila dah mandi , tambah pulak letak bawah kipas @ sejuk, mmg akan ada buih / darah keluar (dari mana pakcik tu x ckp, dari mulut kot). tu sbb kalau boleh tutup je terus, sbb x nak org lapkan. also kalau dilap akan jadi makin byk. sbb tu la kot kalau boleh jenazah kena cepat2 diuruskan.

also, semut akan byk hurung (sp?) arwah, ("bila dah bersih baru semut dtg, kalau x mandi semut x dtg"). lagi satu dia sebut kucing pun akan nak lalu. petua x nak kasi kucing langkah, letak gunting atas mayat. nampak pakcik tu kumat-kamit masa nak letak gunting tu.

alamak aku pun lupa apa yg aku cuba sampaikan.

last weekend pun, one of my lect's friends meninggal sbb kanser rahim. baru mid-40s jugak. mcm 2 pupu aku tu, baru last year they detected the lumps. within 1 year dah boleh merebak sampai maut.

bersediakah aku menghadapi mati?

ot-aku

2009-09-28T14:45:00.002+08:00

::There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.::

this time around? mmg lain dari yg lain.

this year, no family pic (sbb by the time kitorg nak amik gambar, anak buah aku nazreen dah meragam nak tido... ceh, sapa suh bangun awal2 pagi. ceh kat kitorg jugak aa, penat2 set tripod, last2 x guna pun..). not even a decent extended family pic (x ingat kenapa). byk gambar2 ngarut je.

also, bapak aku masuk hospital! pagi 2nd day raya, bapak aku ngadu sesak nafas (don't ask me how it happened, aku mmg tgh tido lagi time tu erk), mula2 gi klinik doc ckp gastrik. we were like, gastrik time raya? bapaku? no no no... due to lack of proper equipment to confirm anything, they referred him to hospital serdang. so mak n abang aku pun bawak bapaku ke serdang. mmg satu pagi tu aku duk rumah je, tunggu calls fr mak aku (yg sgt kerap okay, nasib baik cordless heheh). last2 baru tau, kena heart attack.

so until last friday, mmg ulang-alik ke hospital je kami. nak beraya pun x berapa beraya sgt, org nak beraya pun segan sume. tapi alhamdulillah la so far ok, he's scheduled to undergo angiogram in 1-mth time. blessings in disguise actually, sbb dah mula nak kurangkan bilangan rokok. better late than never i'd say. kdg2 lawak lak dgr mak aku bebel kalau nampak bapak aku capai rokok ke, minum alicafe / powerroot lebih ke. selalu x kisah pun haha.

but despite all that, ok la raya kali ni. makan as usual sedap, as expected of my makciks yg terer masak belaka. ada bbq lagi. tapi seriously x rasa mcm balik kg ke apa, sbb kampung pun dah kat senawang dah, itu pun 1st raya je. lepas2 tu sume round kl, since byk cousins aku duk kl/bangi sekarang. mcm berkunjung ke rumah jiran je haha. ok la kan, daripada beraya sorg2.

also, this raya membuatkan aku lebih appreciate raya. sbbnya ada cousin aku yg 1st time raya dgn mertua, dia cite aa sedih gila kat kg laki dia time raya xde sambal kacang pun. 1st time aku dgr org time raya the special dish is ketupat palas dgn kari, n bihun sup. sampai nangis2 ajak laki dia balik kulai. hahaha kesian gak aku dgr. pastu mak aku pun bukak cerita, pernah dulu2 dia beraya kat perlis, makan ketupat dgn sambal ikan bilis (ke serunding je? either one la). and that was the 1st and last time diorg beraya kat sana (partly because arwah wan dgn maktuk aku ada je kat kulai, n yg kat perlis sedara / adik beradik bapak aku je). obviously i've taken things for granted, sejak kecik aku ingatkan kat mana2 pun mesti serve lemang, rendang, serunding, lodeh, etc. pastu tgk kat tv, ada sapetah ckp tido bergelimpangan kat ruang tamu tu tido gaya org johor. again, aku ingatkan itu perkara biasa di mana2. johor rocks!

note to self: time raya, makan la puas2. tapi jgn sampai berlebih2. family history dah ada dah tu heheh.

ok chiow.

p/s: too many 'aku's

finally kicking in

2009-09-16T13:01:00.003+08:00

::hari raya menjelma kurasa sungguh gembira
khabarkan pada semua jangan lupa duit raya::

apsal rasa mengantuk semcm je hari ni?

hujankah?

makan bykkah?

terbangun awal dari biasakah?

then i remember sleeping in a tad too late last night, busy menggentel kuih choc chip.

mcm sedikit ganjil, membuat kuih raya sambil tgk CSI:NY, about holocaust no less.

sambung lagi mlm nih, lagi 1 adunan = close to 200 biji.

mungkin sambil tgk CSI:Miami.

whatever happened to Lost? nampak splash page, tapi bila tune in xde lak.

statistik x cukup lagi, tapi meja mcm memanggil2.

baju raya hampir siap. nak kena shopping cari tudung lak.

Eid Mubarak.

ok chiow.

dexterity: +1 XP; vitality: -1 XP

2009-09-15T09:16:00.002+08:00

::Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface. But sometimes, there's a third, even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one. Like with pie.::

had a group iftar with my uni friends last friday. got new additions, i.e. yg baru grad last year. so ok la kan, ada la org baru nak cite pasal kerja aku. kalau x, balik2, "kerja tpt sama lagi ke?" "ha'ah" "...". heheh nak buat mcm mana, aku bukannya involve dgn kerja yg deal with mega projects every now and then. what i'm doing today is what i'll be doing everyday from hereon. and i don't do nothing else after work. well, there's xbox, but bukan sume org nak dgr cite pasal tu. oh, and classes *yawn*

tapi mmg syok aa dgr updates sume org. ada org nak kawin (jamil, kawin je, xyah fikir pasal nak kena keluar2 dah hehe), ada yg nak bersalin (yani, doa2 dpt bersama hubby lepas bersalin ye), ada yg lain2 lagi lah. kdg2 rasa bangga lak ber-associate dgn org2 yg accomplished mcm diorg ni.

of course, x ketinggalan cite pasal bangi. ramai duh budak bangi (termasuk jugak yg bukan asal bangi tapi dah settle kat bangi). kalau sume kerja dekat2, confirm aku join carpool diorg. jimat belanja. tapi dlm ramai2 tu, aku sorg je yg still naik komuter gi kerja. x sume org boleh tahan naik komuter rupanya. as per jamil: aku naik 2-3 hari je, pastu x tahan dah. sheila: haritu aku naik lagi, tapi dah x sbb takut h1n1. err i know it's not sth worthy to be proud of, but 3+ yrs of commuting by komuter? heheh. and we all agree kalau ada bas dr bangi ke kl, confirm sume akan naik tu (faiezy: buses are underrated (or was it lrts are overrated?)).

food-wise, mmg x byk makan pun, sbb busy borak je. x sempat gak nak rasa sume (ada nasi dagang, mi rebus, mi kari, laksa, nasi putih, sate, nasi ayam). dah la kena halau dgn terhormat jugak. tapi mmg lama la kitorg duk situ, sampai 9:30 ada kot. itu pun depan bilik makan tu borak2 lagi sampai 10 lebih. so, ok la..

last sunday, dpt peluang buka kat hotel lagi. yg ni mmg food choices x sebyk kat marriott, tapi fuh mmg kenyang aa makan. aku lagi suka ni sbb ada sushi dgn western food jugak (ye la, bukan dpt makan selalu hehe). tapi dah habis rasa sume pun, baru 8pm. maybe it's true that who you're with matters. kalau dgn family, malu nak borak byk2, tu makan je kerja tu haha. dgn choc fondue lagi best2.

mmg terbukti la kitorg sume makan byk, sbb masa naik lif nak gi tpt makan tu, xde masalah apa2, tapi bila nak balik, overload (in defence, mmg lif tu kecik okay)! dammit nasib xde org lain kat situ. pelik gak, xkan kitorg berlima lebih 550kg (max weight allowed). tipuuuuu cis menjatuhkan morale org je.

somehow aku rasa aku puasa ke x puasa ke, sama je. err of course spirituality tu ada berubah siket, mintak2 lah.

ok chiow.

the unavoidable dilemma

2009-09-09T13:21:00.003+08:00

::Dan apabila kamu diberikan penghormatan dengan sesuatu ucapan hormat (seperti memberi salam), maka balaslah penghormatan itu dengan yang lebih baik daripadanya, atau balaslah dia (dengan cara yang sama). Sesungguhnya Allah sentiasa menghitung tiap-tiap sesuatu. [4:86]::

argh it's happening again this year!

kepada siapa aku nak bg kad2 raya opisku ini?

adakah ia akan menjadi koleksi arkib dlm laci almari tv rumahku? seperti tahun(-tahun) sebelumnya?

apsal laa aku xde adik yg belajar di perantauan...

erk wait, i do have one. not exactly oversea, but over the sea pun bolehla kan heheh.

4 to go.

agak2 boleh x mintak tukar, kad raya dgn bonus / pay raise? patutnya HR bg MMS free satu, so boleh fwd kat sume contacts, plus benefit of sending them FOC. itu baru best.

ok chiow.

unnecessary roughness

2009-09-08T17:12:00.003+08:00

::It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.::

i just spent hours modifying, tweaking, butchering this site (or rather, the original code, credit to the creator(s)), but in the end it looks just like any other.

ceh.

that's what you get for depriving me of my 'pleasures'... you suckas.

ok chiow.

things you think are passable, but in actuality they're not.

2009-09-04T12:54:00.002+08:00

i - punching holes at illogical spots

: can't understand why someone in their right mind would punch a hole close to the center line of a page, when the cover file itself is pre-punched at the top left part. membazir tali hijau ok, to have to go all the way to the center, then back again to that left part. and it makes it harder to flip the pages, plus x byk paper boleh compile sekali. argh why oo why

ii - using staples that barely hold the pages together

: again, man made the staples in different sizes for a reason. xkan la guna dawai kokot yg before dibengkokkan, has the same width as all the papers intended to be stapled? aiyoh guna otak la. what's the point of stapling, if at the end of the day the papers will fall out of place? ask your boss to buy one of those humongous stapler la cheapskate

iii - thinking the only thing matters is you know how to type, be it in word processor or spreadsheet

: think again. kalau setakat for your own pleasure, that is passable, but when you're working for someone, and when that someone wants everything to be superfast, merely knows what's next to the "T" is not enough. let alone if you're always in charge of making letters, memos, notices, etc. it's freakin' annoying bila tgk org lepas taip dlm satu column (in the case of MS excel), he/she clicks on other some random box, and then move to the next intended column, instead of just press "ENTER". imagine having to sit by and see time (and money) flies away, almost literally. rasa mcm nak tolak org tu ke tepi, biar aku ctrl the keyboard. you have no idea how much easier your life would be if you know the tricks. and ctrl+S, ctrl+C, ctrl+V, ctrl+whatnot? saves body energy i tell you.

iv - not drying your hands after the toilet business in public places

: x basuh tangan mmg definitely a no-no, tapi x lap tangan pun satu hal jugak. agak geli ok bila tgk door handles ada titisan2 air yg kita x tau dtg dari paip ka, dari toilet bowl ka. dah la A(H1N1) tgh berleluasa sekarang ni. worse come to worst, when there's no means to dry off your hands, don't ever ever touch the door with your wet/damp hands. buat mcm doktor nak masuk OR, guna bahu hehe. or as a last resort, wipe your hands on your pants, skirts, kains, etc. just not on the butt please.

ok chiow.

funny side up

2009-09-01T13:54:00.005+08:00

::To laugh at a man of sense is the privilege of fools.::

hulloh.

sometimes laughter can be a poison...

but for me it's still THE medicine. heheh.

ada this one time lecturer aku tgh mengajar, sambil duduk depan pc kat depan (yea i know bm is confusing). she was sitting on this never-seen-before red chair, similar to the red chairs found in my office, or probably other offices as well. she was obviously not comfortable sitting there, coz she fidgeted a lot, trying to figure out how to lower / higher (ye ke?) the chair to her liking. mmg aku dgn kawan aku mcm tersenyum2 gak aa tgk, tapi kitorg x pikir apa pun.

tgh syok lecturer aku berckp, tiba2 kerusi tu terturun dgn sendiri. not like mendadak zupp laju, tapi obvious la turun dgn byknya jugak. and all the while, she was still talking. hahaha time ni aku dah hampir2 nak tergelak, tapi leh tahan lagi. control2, we're in class.. focus2. tiba2 terdgr ada kawan sebelah aku tergelak (sumpah aku rasa dua2 kawan belah kiri (oop sapa terasa haha) dan kananku ada gelak siket). dammit bila dah terdgr ada org gelak, aku terus xleh control. well, still cuba control gelak, tapi failed miserably la, sbb aku gelak yg tutup mulut tu (aa sungguh buruk sekali). last2 kawan2 aku pun gelak sekali, tapi sume gelak tertahan2 la.

it would've been a quiet, isolated incident altogether, if not for my lecturer said, "i hate this chair." wahahaha aku mmg gelak gila laa time tu. lawak siot. esoknya kitorg still boleh gelakkan pasal tu lagi, sbb kawan aku sound, "ko ni gelak x agak2. kesian tau prof." "ko pun gelak jugak." "sbb ko gelak." etc etc.

looking back (yes i linger on the funny things in my life hehe), aku x tau apa yg sebenarnya menggelikan hati. adakah

i) perbuatan lecturer aku bersusah payah atas kerusi itu (ini dipengaruhi oleh seseorang itu juga ye, kalau beauty queens buat ni mesti nampak graceful haha)

ii) the perception that others noticed it, but they pretended they didn't? (yg mungkin sume org pun rasa kelakar, tapi the fact yg sume tahan gelak made it funnier --- farfetched, i know but a theory nonetheless)

iii) it's just me, who tend to see the funny side of things *most* of the time?

iv) the prospect of it being funny in future retellings?

v) all of the above?

apa pun, aku rasa aku suka gelakkan org. but really, there's no ill-intention there. aku jarang gelak yg dibuat2 (kalau aku gelak dlm ym/gtalk pun, aku akan tergelak siket in real life hehe). it's just that certain elements, when put together, deserve a laugh. aku pernah baca kat manetah, ada sorg bg soalan, "kenapa kita gelakkan org yg terjatuh?" hehe aku x ingat la jawapannya (sth along the lines of 'apa pun, x baik gelakkan orang'), but the point is, it's a legit question. sama mcm "kenapa bila kita bersin kita tutup mata?" kind of questions.

selalunya time kena lecture (as in by the seniors) dulu2, akan ada senior yg akan salah ckp ke, or ckp benda merepek, or mmg saja buat lawak. mmg rasa mcm nak mati aa tahan gelak time2 mcm ni, sbb takut kena jerkah balik (apa gelak2??!?). maybe they figured out a sadistic way of making our lives miserable. sakit perut tahan gelak adalah lagi menyakitkan dari sakit senggugut. lagi2 bila ramai yg mengalami simtom yg serupa.

lagipun, bukan senang nak gelakkan org yg kita jarang gelakkan. haha priceless.

let's just hope it's not gonna kill me, figuratively and literally.

ok chiow.

argh make it stop

2009-08-26T13:14:00.003+08:00

i need a smack in the head.

i can't stop bloghopping. lucky i know nothing of twitter, or i would be bloghopping AND twitterflitting. scary.

why la sume org letak link kat blog diorg? x pasal2 aku nampak mcm nama familar, terus klik. mcm best lak tuh (best: byk benda ditulis / nice layout). nasib baik aku bukan jenis shopaholic / daddy's rich kid / bride-to-be, who always feel the urge to outdo everybody else. and what better or faster way to do it than bloghopping? hehe.

i still suck at deciding what's best for me. and this addiction i have, shouldn't even be on my 'best' list.

tgk, cara tulis pun dah mcm blog2 yg aku baru jenguk tadi.

sakit tekak masa puasa adalah sangat tidak selesa. i might've been allergic to sth.

ok chiow.

do-over

2009-08-25T13:28:00.003+08:00

it's Ramadhan, and i haven't tasted any kuih raya... yet.

confused? well obviously you're not a female in malaysia. for kuih raya is everywhere precisely before Ramadhan. even as early as nisfu Syaaban.

still in the dark? well maybe you are a loner, never have had the pleasure of interacting with other ppl whom you call 'colleagues' / '-mates'.

plus some other possibilities.

ramai je jual kuih raya, bg email ajak jemput rasa sume, tapi sume x sempat nak rasa (3-prose poem?). busy kot...

or should i blame this to my misplaced or probably lost excitement in enjoying Ramadhan as i have done effortlessly before? or is it due to the fact that not many share the same uplifting thoughts when it comes to Ramadhan (and increasingly so)? or, as usual, does it have something to do with the prospect of getting old?

if the latter's true, then i can see a bleak future ahead.

sometimes i do wonder if i am better off being a recluse.

anyhoo, seriously impressed by blog owners who manage to blog hop their whole day, and still being satisfied with themselves. i don't, hehe. tiba2 terdpt penyakit nak visit all of friends' blogs, friends of friends' blogs (2nd degree?)... and didn't have the guts to venture beyond. depressing aa gak tgk (read) interesting stories they wrote, not to mention over the top (hello, how much problem can a teenager have? drama queens). and most of all, apsal sume english sedap je? ke tahap pemahaman aku yg lemah? ke nampak hebat sbb balik2 cite pasal boyfriend/girlfriend yg kejap nak kejap x ndak, so balik2 boleh improvise on the group of vocabs you can associate the topic with? erk aku ni puji ke kondem nih?

aku pernah dgr gak yg org saja reka cite dlm blog as to attract visitors. lame. if you don't have anything to tell, then don't. lies won't get you anywhere decent. somewhere yes, but not anywhere decent. and, who cares about visitors? most of the visitors are there probably to ask you to visit their blogs anyways. or maybe buy sth from them. heh, alasan utk org yg dpt x sampai 20 pun sehari. well, like i care. err not that i'm gonna berate at those who do. kalau xde org nak baca xde la aku tulis.

utk menyedapkan hati sendiri: you are not what you write. not 100% at least.

and ramadhan may remind you of the sad things that have happened, but it's not an excuse to not treat ramadhan as a special month. we are muslims, after all.

p/s: ramadhan mubarak.. sama2lah kita memanfaatkannya.

baby genius

2009-08-21T11:39:00.003+08:00

"i want my mama! i want my mama!"

"kid, i AM ur mama."

"....ngaaaaaaaaa!"

nazreen has learned a new word, and the right time to say it. the B word. no, not bi4tch, but b4b1 (apa kena aku hari ni, eja mcm konon cute haha).

dia akan sebut bila dia kena tegur / marah / sound bila buat perkara2 yg x sepatutnya. aku pun dah pernah kena. terkejut okay dgr budak kecik yg nak ckp pun payah tapi tiba2 boleh sebut the B word crystally clear. time biasa2 xde pulak sebut (well, not that we coerce/coax him to do so just to prove this point...) as usual, timbul pulak isu sapa yg sebut depan dia. no, not me sirree. i admit i do menyumpah seranah org, but using other B words. boleh pulak ada org salahkan bibik aku yg dah selamat agaknya goyang kaki mcm org kaya kat kampungnya di indon nun.

anyway, our mission is to discourage him fr using the word. agak susah la kan, considering rtm still refers to A(h1n1) (which puzzles me, why the parentheses? it's not like they'll be pronounced anyway) as 'selesema babi', whereas they're actually 2 different viruses.

it kinda worked, sorta. mak aku cite agaknya sbb selalu kena sound (nakal ooi budak nazreen ni, aku seriously kesian kat kucing2 yg dibuli olehnya), haritu masa dia kena marah, dia sebut, "bibaa..bibibababaa.." anak sapolah ni. semlm dah pendek siket, 'biba' je. quite a clever way to provoke someone hehe.

pastu dia buat lagi. masa mama dia ada semlm, dia ckp lagi babi. kena bebel la dgn mama dia lepas tu, "kalau ckp lagi mama #@$ mulut tuh." boleh lak dgn muka innocentnya, "biba?" "biba pun x boleh!" pastu buat muka confused. aaa rasa nak tepuk2 je pipi dia tu.

it doesn't end there. semlm apahal tah angin dia, x nak salam sapa2. buat dek je bila suh salam. last2 bapak aku pun xpela, x nak salam xpe. bila dah kat pintu depan, sekali lagi kakak ipar aku suh nazreen salam, "gi la amin wan.. x baik aa ayin nih." dgn selambanya, hulur tangan kat kucing aku yg masa tu duk dekat2 pintu jugak. siap ada mmmuuah lagi. hampehh. early signs of sarcastic nature perhaps?

to nazreen, pls make use your innate wit, sarcasm, wisdom and anything in-between wisely.

ok chiow.

CSI:D

2009-08-19T13:22:00.003+08:00

::Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.::

-scene-

everybody is (pretending to be) busy at their desks. it was a relatively quiet morning, with half of the staffs out of office, laughing their @$$ off at others who faithfully seated on their chairs, pretending to be busy. lindsay monroe felt like going to the ladies, when she noticed some strange splat on the floor. a not-so-faint browny splat. near her sturdy red leather chair.

lindsay monroe: what the hell is this?

stella bonasera: what, what what?

lindsay M: hey, you got some near yours, too!

stella B: where the hell did this come from? oh look, there's some near catherine's chair too!

catherine willows: huh? wait, how'd it end up here? see if there's some near somebody elses' chair.

stella B: but the stain at yours is quite different, catherine. ours are more like a drop, with no gravitational direction, but yours is like a dripping trail of stain. it has directionality.

lindsay M: hey, there's some near calleigh duquesne's seat too. and at natalie boa vista's too.

calleigh D & natalie BV: hey what's the fuss yo?

all talking at once.

detective conan: hmm... a mystery. based on the dryness of these stains, they may have been here since 7:45am.

lindsay M: no lah. i'm sure they're not here when i came. around 8 i think.

stella B: whoa a mystery. let's recall: who else were here?

catherine W: the cleaning lady was here just now. she was mopping the floor.

calleigh D: so she's the culprit? maybe she accidentally touched the wheels of our chairs with her mop, which transferred the floor detergent to the wheels, which in time would be pulled down to the floor by the gravity?

stella B: hmm.. but riley adams' floor space doesn't have any stains on it. if your theory were true, the mop should leave a mark on her place as well, whether she's there to move the chair around or not.

lindsay M: yeah, that's true. also, if the stains were originated from the wheels, then the stain would produce a drag line, instead of a drop like that. and i'm sure it wasn't there right after the cleaning lady cleaned my place.

natalie BV: and if it's truly the floor cleaner, wouldn't it be gross, to know that the browny liquid is used to clean the floor all this time?

all: ewww..

det. conan: the plot thickens... hmm... this what makes life interesting.

catherine W: maybe it happened when the cleaning lady took out our garbage from our dustbins. like when she moved fr a spot to another, she must've put her big wastebag on the floor in order to transfer the garbage from our dustbin to her wastebag.

stella B: yeah... and that's why there's no stain on riley A's floor, coz she's not around, so... no garbage!

lindsay M: case solved.. yeay! ok back to work.

calleigh: luckily we don't have to call pathologist in or to do an inquest regarding the stain.

-adapted from a true story-

the storm is coming

2009-08-14T17:16:00.002+08:00

somehow i can feel that sth bad is going to happen. some big thunderous storm that will change the future path.

i'm not worried about me; i know i can handle it, come what may. what i'm worried about most is others. or is it my role in helping the others? dunno.

and worst of all, i'm beginning to think that i am responsible for it. that i could've done sth to change it. to prevent it.

guilt, don't reside in me.

akukah yg terlewat

2009-08-03T10:29:00.003+08:00

::The multitude of books is making us ignorant.::

there's a few that i know wrote about / answered to the tag about books you've read / you can recall within 10 mins. i was voluntarily compelled to write one as well (hey they said you're free to tag yourself hehe), tapi disbbkan aku rasa bila aku baca org lain punya pun aku dah leh imagine what books i would put in the list, so it's not really within 10 mins of writing/recalling, which to me, would be cheating.

cthnya aku rasa kalau aku buat tag tu, aku akan letak books by judith mcnaught (you won't believe berapa byk her books bersepah kat dorm n kelas dulu). the thing is the 1st time i planned to do it, i didn't remember the titles and even the author's name. bila tgk kirah punya baru teringat. so it's not sth that i remembered all the time la kan. haha i don't even know what sticks in my mind at all times.

anyway satu buku yg aku confirm akan letak in the list is 'the lovely bones'. i remember it because at that time it's been #1 NYTimes best selling like, a year. so aku pun beli dgn harapan cerita dia best. tapi erm mcm x je, ke aku yg heartless. sekali hari ni kat yahoonews ada mention peter jackson is going to make the lovely bones the movie! ceh, now i (may) look like an opportunist. tumpang glamer buku yg bakal jadi movie, by peter jackson no less.

kesimpulannya: aku x boleh nak buat tag tu.

ok chiow.

can't or won't?

2009-07-27T12:56:00.002+08:00

::To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything or nothing about it.::

selalunya kalau tv kat rumah rosak (and it always does), akan ada at least sorg ckp, "xkan amik electrical engineering x tau nak betulkan?" to the point that i myself wondered, "how come i don't know how to fix this?"

err seriously, am i supposed to know? 'coz the closest thing i learned about tv was in spm's fizik, about crt tube. even that's considered old-tech now, err i think.

adakah hanya kerana wujudnya perkataan 'electrical', so i'm expected to be electrician/engineer/maintenance caretaker/cable girl (oh yeah, sebelum adanya astro, nak carik channel kat tv sume aku yg buat) of the house? x dinafikan aku suka baca manual (ye la, mesti la tau mcm mana nak guna sesuatu barang tu kalau dah beli kan?), but that doesn't mean i'm the only one who can do it.

lagi satu, kalau nak call for enquiries. selalunya kalau nak call helpline la; e.g. streamyx (yg bongok yg belum dicancel lagi sbb xde org nak buat), points redemption, flight bookings, etc. i mean, tau la slang aku mcm american (hehe) tapi boleh je ckp melayu kat org tu. 1Malaysia what. and xde kena-mengena pun dgn major aku.

hmm yg amik chemistry tau ke nak buat all those drugs out there? i mean without referring to any books la. or make homemade remedies? yg amik law tau ke what law one violates everytime he/she does something?

erk aku mcm telah mencampur-adukkan isu.

anyway, aku x kisah kalau org mintak tlg sume, tapi alasan biar logik laa. dah la selalunya org yg take action yg disalahkan (ni selalunya parents aku la yg buat, suh aku call sume, tapi kalau apa2 x jadi according to what they hoped for, aku lak yg kena blame heheh).

tapi, kdg2 aku pelik gak dgn org yg x tau benda2 yg simple. ada kawan aku x tau mcm mana nak connect a printer to the pc. dahh kena ajar virtually. then again, almost everything can be found on the net. cara nak bubuh eyemo pun ada. just put a little effort on looking for it.

hehe ckp org, tapi aku rasa ada gak benda2 simple yg aku x tau buat.

apa yg aku merapu ni.

ok chiow.

(solar) eclipse of my heart

2009-07-21T11:24:00.002+08:00

::It starts with light, and ends with light, and in between there is darkness.::

ok for some reason i'm fascinated with the solar eclipse, which will move across Asia tomorrow. kat msia dpt la tgk partial eclipse, tapi x sure lak pukul berapa. the longest eclipse in 21st century tuu.

one of those eclipses happened when i was in secondary school. aku ingat lagi sume org keluar kelas nak tgk kejadian tu, ada guna air besen letak kat tgh2 panas nak tgk reflection tu la, ada guna film -ves la, ada gak yg cuba nak tgk directly. hehe. baru ku tau ada cara2 tertentu nak tgk solar eclipse. tapi apsal sume mcm susah je? even nak cari pokok kat kl pun susah tau.

one of nature's wonders, which proves kekuasaan Allah, and also proves that we are indeed a teeny-weeny lil atom in this universe. fascinating.

and of course it reminded me of 'heroes'. the eclipse had started it all; the power, the fight against evil, the side choosing, etc. heh, wonder if this time around round, sth will happen? erk mcm betul je heroes tu haha. and aku still x habis tgk s3. where's the motivation? sbb sume org mcm nak balas dendam je kot. in that story, i mean.

for more info, go here.

ok chiow.

p/s: tgk gambar / video eclipse pun boleh pening gak ke ha?

The "I've learned" game

2009-07-16T14:32:00.004+08:00

I've learned that..

there's no surefire way to anything; what works on others doesn't necessarily work on you.

I've learned that..

there are truth that aren't meant to be discovered, for it could shatter the lifelong belief you held so dearly.

I've learned that..

when said truth is known, everything else no longer matters.

I've learned that..

nothing could be done on impulse. nothing. even if it is, the consequences that come after would burden you for the most of your life. of course, they could be good ones too. could be.

I've learned that..

people crave to know that they matter. hence the the-hero-could-be-you genre.

I've learned that..

the mere existence of women proves that equality could not exist.

I've learned that..

watching tv all the time doesn't necessarily make you stupid; what you choose to watch does.

I've learned that..

sometimes we are forced / obliged to do something because of somebody else.

I've learned that..

there are times when i am not at fault. but most of the times i am, since our action could trigger countless of chain reactions throughout the world. hey, i believe all of us pollute the world.

I've learned that..

i'm becoming more aware of what i can do to make anything better. the willpower? that's another story.

I've learned that..

despite everything, the PR skill is important. you can't expect to be rude to your superior, and still got promoted. on the other hand, you can bust your @$s off trying to improve everything, but still nobody would notice you.

I've learned that..

there are shallow hals in any world, corporate or else.

I've learned that..

'ask and you shall receive' may be the hardest thing to be done.

I've learned that..

never stop asking, praying. it saves you from harm.

**********************************************

rasanya mcm pernah buat dulu2 ni, when i turned 23. back then the life had never been so promising, and i was quite anxious to finish school and enter the real world; you know, climbing the professional ladder, get married, get a new home, spending time with family, etc. 4 years could change that, huh.

no, i'm not depressed hehe. it's just that there are obstacles that i never foresee. things that would only be non-existent in an ideal world. and i still believe that my 'moment' is yet to come heheh.

i'm supposed to tag somebody; sapa2 pun boleh lah.

ok chiow.

p/s: torque = moment of force

WWR @ KKB

2009-07-03T14:05:00.003+08:00

for the uninitiated, WWR = whitewater rafting, defined as "challenging recreational activity using an inflatable raft to navigate a river or other bodies of water. This is usually done on whitewater or different degrees of rough water, in order to thrill and excite the raft passengers." KKB = kuala kubu bharu, the closest spot to sg selangor, where WWR took part.

aku, adik aku rafiq, cousin k aida, and another friend anis berkongsi kereta ke kkb fr usj (anis' place). supposedly tiba sana around 9, tapi atas sbb2 tidak dpt dielakkan, sampai sana kul 10. kitorg gi under pierose, owned by a guy called pie (ada pronounced it as pi'ee, ada pi, ada 'pai', mana satu betul tah) and his wife rose. selalu WWR ni buat in groups, and on that weekend ada group of 40 or 60, so kitorg menumpang sekaki, dpt rate pun group rate punya.

rafiq, me , k aida. tgh tunggu river guides, yg lain sume tgh test air hehe

ckYOO and partner-in-crime (one of the river guides). safety talk. really funny guy. daym itu mmg kaki org tu ke? apsal aku x ingat kakinya se-'tanned' itu?

most of the guides are natives of that place. aku lupa asal-usul WWR@kkb, tapi has got sth to do with empangan sg selangor nearby. ke no relation? tah. tapi wwr ni mmg byk benda kena tau. i mean, the basics of what to do when sth happens tu mmg kena tau la. ye la, challenging recreational activity kan. agak ngeri dgr ada org patah tangan sbb sangkut batu la, boat kena sedut by pusaran air la, org tercampak terhantuk batu, etc.

with anis. tgh tunggu pembahagian rafts

luckily kitorg dpt satu raft all to ourselves. well, not all, since all rafts must be accompanied by at least 1 river guide. in our case, we got 2. budak2 je diorg ni, sorg nama pusing (19 yrs old), lagi sorg lupa nama, umur pun lebih kurang tu kot. map sg tu x jumpa yg ok la, so korg tgk kat sini je lah ye.

earlier during the journey (acece), we went through under the bridge to fraser's hill fr kkb. nice i tell you, tapi sbb xde kamera kan, aku hanya boleh tunjuk gambaran seumpama yg kitorg nampak. and the bridge was way up, ni kira rendah lagi ni. rasa mcm dlm one of those treasure hunting / crocodile hunting movies, hehe. jambatannya pun xde la mcm ni, jambatan konkrit mcm tu je. tapi sgt cool.

based on the map, and according to our guides, ada 2 tpt yg dikira agak berbahaya: chicken drop and sth else (i think it's before the 2nd canyon, tapi x sure nama apa). since raft kitorg selalu yg awal sampai satu2 tpt tu, our guides were in charge of taking pictures of other rafters. so kitorg nampak aa mana raft yg tergolek, mana yg org terkeluar kan. dah la ada org siap bg statistik, 10 out of 15 rafts akan tergolek. hehe x tau nak ckp takut ke excited kat situ.

gigih mendayung hehe

chicken drop! wowwee

miraculously, kitorg x tergolek! haha bangga gak aa, walaupun aku rasa it depends on how many ppl are in the raft, etc. kitorg 4 org je, sah2 sume boleh sit in (term used to signal everyone has to sit inside the raft, as opposed duduk kat kat tepi masa paddling). tapi kelam kabut jugak, sbb somehow paddle aku tercucuk kat pinggang anis (yg duduk kat depanku). err tapi seriously aku rasa aku pegang terpacak je mcm tu.

2nd dangerous spot, lagi byk raft tergolek. ni mmg agak ngeri la, sbb the raft would dive headfirst / frontfirst into the water. pdhal bukan tinggi mcm air terjun pun. mmg kitorg nampak ada yg tercampak keluar tu. masa ni sume org kena... alamak, lupa term, tapi kena sume duduk within the back part of the raft. mmg gila kelam kabut la time tu, sbb mana muat sume nak berebut2 duk kat belakang kan, sampai just before the dive in, anis dah nak give up nak gi depan balik dah, sbb xleh nak duduk. tapi si pusing tu tarik dia ke belakang sbb kalau ke depan confirm raft tu akan terbalik. even then, mmg terpacak siot raft tu (sorry ah, xde gambar, sure susah nak bayangkan hehe peace). woo mmg best gila rasa. and xde sapa2 terpelanting pun.. alright.

tapi mmg sg tu penuh batu. mmg you have to have guides to steer the raft, otherwise byk habis masa nak lepaskan raft dr sangkut kat batu je. rafters pun kena amik bhg gak, bila nak 'over right', sume serong ke kanan so the raft will be tilted, over left, etc. ada sekali tu kitorg sume tilted to the left, and memandangkan aku mmg duduk belah kiri, aku la yg paling bwh, kena himpit dgn cousin aku. boleh lak tiba2 depan tu ada satu batu besar, baikk punya raft kitorg headed to the side of the rock. kalau head on, mmg hancur aa kepala aku berlanggar dgn batu tu. ya Allah mmg takut gila aa time tu. siap terfikir, "am i gonna die this way?" dah jerit2 dah time tu, tapi xleh nak bangun sendiri. elok2 nak bertemu dgn batu tu, guide tarik jaket aku ke tengah balik. legaaaa. nasib baik punya guides yg expert.

2nd part of the journey mmg agak gila2 aa. aku rasa byk kali kena over right, over left. ada sekali tu at this one spot (i think around the sandwich rock area) ada 1-2 rafters tercampak keluar dr raft. tapi mostly selamat. so memandangkan kitorg before that yg part bahaya2 pun sume ok je, mmg ingat ni pun kacang goreng. ala2 berlagak pun ada hehe. guide pun awal2 dah bg instruction, "ok kat depan nnt saya suruh back paddle, pastu sume over right ok?" elok je raft tu tilted to the right, tiba2 rasa mcm makin menyerong lak. last2 bamm! capsized terus. haha aku x ingat sgt apa berlaku, tapi mcm tiba2 dunia senyap, just bunyi air je. nak bukak mata pun xleh. paddle entah ke mana, org lain pun tah ke mana. yg aku ingat k aida tergolek dekat2 kat aku jugak, anis termasuk bawah raft, adik aku nun jauh kat depan. pastu guide kitorg yg bersusah-payah selamatkan paddles. lawak siot. tu la, berlagak lagi.

body floating to the end. last2 tu dah x berkocak sgt air, but still deras. best siotttt

dah habis tu, kitorg mandi kat tpt yg disediakan (tepi sungai tu ada mcm btn punya tpt, siap tpt mandi, surau, bilik sume). pastu makan nasi lemak. rasa mcm sedappp sgt nasi lemak tu hehe. sementara makan tu, tunggu cd gambar2 yg diorg amik, and sadly, dlm cd tu ada 7 keping je gambar kitorg. nasib baik beli 1 je. agak frust la jugak, tapi since best, abaikan je la.

perasaan? besttt, esp bila jatuh dlm air tu la. well, masa jatuh tu mmg takut nak mati, tapi the feeling when reminiscing it is priceless. aku pernah gak gi wwr kat tpt lain dulu, tapi sbb x jatuh kan, so x sebest yg ini hehe. mmg the pics didn't do the place justice, sbb lawa gak tptnya. well, lawa for a panas n lembab country like malaysia la kan. you won't find any pine trees, exotic animals, etc hehe. tapi xde masa pun, sbb you will be busy manuevring the raft all the way. deifinitely a must. xyah tau berenang pun xpe hehe.

ok chiow.

isn't it ironic

2009-06-30T17:27:00.002+08:00

::A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.::

haha i know it's kinda late to write sth on michael jackson, but hey, the man himself has yet to be buried.

not much to write, really. i mean, yea he's broken the racial barrier on mtv or sth like that (that's what the papers in msia wrote repeatedly anyway), but the time he did it i couldn't care less about music. all i know was i know michael jackson, a singer. mcm aku tahu pun amerika dulu sejauh mana dari msia, or how globally popular he was that time.

anyway, i think i got to know his popularity better bila pakcik aku beli vcd (or was it vhs? lupa) yg ada all his video clips, and ada tunjuk pompuan2 menangis sampai pengsan bila tgk patung dia tu (err does that really exist? i have no clue). ditambah pulak dgn cerita2 hebat dr pakcik aku n sepupu2 aku (who obviously had been 'poisoned' by my uncle hehe), aku pun agak impressed dgn michael jackson.

then when i went to the US, what was usually talked about was MJ's weird behavior, and his weirder what's-left-of-his face. already the media labelled him as 'has-been'. rasanya dlm list celebrity makeover, 2nd place is MJ, the 1st place is his nose. so inadvertently i thought of MJ sama je mcm other 'has been' artistes. even his 'invincible' album didn't receive a good review (based on 'entertainment weekly' that i subsribed okay hehe). so no legendary whatsoever there.

then all of a sudden, when he died, he's a hero. don't be surprised when soon somebody will come out with a theory that MJ is still alive, he's faking his death to avoid bla bla bla.

anyway, i digressed.

i think what i remember most about michael jackson is how his name is applied in a formula that i still remember until today:

"[M]ichael [J]ackson [k]ills [h]is [b]rother [i]n [U]SA"

[M]erah [J]ingga [k]uning [h]ijau [b]iru [i]ndigo [u]ngu

that's about it. err fikir2 balik mcm kejam gak formula tu. nasib baik x jadi betul, kot x mengukuhkan lagi la kata2 itu doa. ye la, sume org yg amik pmr duk ulang2 ayat tu je kan.

RIP

ok chiow.

the veiled intention

2009-06-24T13:43:00.003+08:00

::A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?::

hulloh.

the 1st time i ever heard someone said it was in one of ANTM episodes (yes, i do watch them hehe). don't remember which cycle, or which contestant, but you know lah how it goes in a reality show: one always wants to outshine another, by any means necessary. the contestants were arguing over the unadaptability of one of them with other ppl, etc. then that person said, "this is not american's next top... best friend."

i remember thinking, "kerek gila minah ni. x nak kawan org... sure ko x menang." and that's about it.

until recently, when somebody said to me about our other friend, "lantaklah, i dtg sini bukan nak buat kawan, i dtg nak belajar." and again some 2 mths later, within that same circle of friends. err can i say it's a selfish thing to say? sbb bila sume baik belaka, mengaku kawan, tapi once we're hurt, suddenly we're in a i-won't-bother-to-know-you-if-not-for-this-stupid-thingy kind of relationship.

then again, sometimes i do think that way. sth like, at the end of the day, there's always a wall dividing us, and i don't intend to break that wall. esp when things don't go the way i want la kan hehe. err is that normal? or should i treat everybody equally?

maybe it all comes down to how we define friends. i, for one, won't certainly befriending anyone just because he/she could benefit me in terms of that he/she could bail me out whenever i got into trouble, or give me further discounts during sale. mcm mak aku selalu ckp pasal kawan2 bapak aku la. dah pencen sume senyap. kalau x, sibuk je tunjuk muka kasik hadiah itu ini.

how to get friends is one thing; how to keep friends? yg ni aku admit aku mmg lemah bab ni. i don't think i like to go out that much, and i don't think i like to talk that much, so by ppl's general definition mmg aku x best diajak borak la agaknya. also most probably because i decline invitations more than i accept, so gradually the offer decreases. not that i mind though, i really don't know what to talk about when i go out. i'd rather listen. so sometimes i don't know what to say when ppl ask me, "kenapa diam je? apa cite terbaru?" (damn apakah ini? self-pity? hehe)

lagipun, just because we don't keep ourselves updated about each other, doesn't mean we aren't friends anymore, right? friendship is much more complex than that. kalau x sama je la mcm main any sim games je: x contact, putus kawan (which is why i suck big time in sim-alike games... xde keja aku tiap2 hari nak call kawan2 sume). erk, life imitates art? or is it because i think friends are 2nd wayyyy below family?

also, i think i've seen enough of ppl change because of their friends; good and bad. in some way, i don't want to be influenced by the things i want to avoid (they won't call it peer pressure for nothing), and another thing, i want to escape the responsibility of making things right. while the 'right' stuff for me may not be 'right' for others, still i don't want to go home thinking, "what the hell happened?"

no, i'm not wallowing in self-pity. i'm not trying to blame anybody. i'm just analyzing. re-evaluating. should i change the way i perceive life? or am i still in the right direction? or are these just made-up excuses?

cerita ini sungguh tidak tersusun.

ok chiow.

di suatu senja...

2009-06-23T17:13:00.002+08:00

::di musim yang lalu::

"k yan! dah bukak gate belum?" started off the engine.

"dah." pressed remote button.

"ok." got into car, chatted a bit, pikah reversed the car.

tiba-tiba... GEDEGANG!

"hah? bunyi apa tu?" xkan langgar kucing bunyi mcm tu kot? what else could it be? *glanced at side mirror* gate bukak dah. kedepankan keta. got off car.

tgk2 gate aku bukak one side je. tersalah tekan button la pulak... aisehmen.

"ok, tutup balik, pastu bukak dua2."

"teruk ke?"

"siket je.. ada line hitam siket aah." dlm hati kitorg, mampus kena marah dgn mak bapak aku nnt.

tried to close and reopen the gate, but failed. apsal lak nih?

tgk2... stopper dah senget. xleh bukak gate. sudah... dah boleh bayangkan the words coming out fr mak abah storming into our ears... alaa mcm mana nihhhh

"eh sampai senget nih ha."

"dah tu? sah2 langgo dgn keta. bukannya dgn tangan." siot nak bebel lak. try nak bengkokkan balik, tapi obviously xleh. besi tu.

"k yan la nih... bukak sebelah je apsal."

"ada lak... pikah reverse tgk la belakang."

"tgk la remote tu betul2."

"selalu kan button belah kanan. mana tau yg ni tiba2 belah kiri."

mesti lepas ni kalau mak aku gi mana2 bilangan dia call rumah berganda2 byknya. eee geram kat diri sendiri.

just when i thought i'm independent enough to live on my own, without mak's constant supervising...

we are the champion

2009-06-23T12:08:00.002+08:00

::I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream::

hulloh.

nampaknya kirah sudah mendahuluiku, better even. hehe tapi rasa nak tulis gak.

last year my sis's friend got free tickets to see the finale wind orchestra SBP, so she invited my sister and i to watch it. okla, since i think that was the 1st time ever i watched an orchestra performance live (not counting the one i went with yayat kat US dulu, which i slept halfway through.. lama ok), and on the other end as well.

last year, tkc dpt last. erm, jahat ke kalau aku ckp mcm dah agak? hehe. 1stly sbb lagu sume lagu biasa2 je, etc. lagu pramlee, enjoyable level of course was quite high, since kita familiar dgn lagu2 tu. but for a competition? nahh. dgn tudung hijau kain licin tu lagi.

but that was last year. this time around... awesome! bila mula2 start je disney's theme song, mmg best aah. and fr kirah's i just found out it's a level 6 song. crazyyy power budak2 ni. (dah la dpt center seat belakang VVIP, syok siot) bila habis tu, baru perasan berterabur rupa2nya tkc/oga alums ni (usually the school alumnis booked a number of rows, n sume duduk setempat). err maybe byk budak2 tkc ni duduk kat other alumnis' seats? err termasuk aku lah jugak. masa dah habis lagu tu, ingat nak bg standing ovation, tapi segan nak buat sorg2. ajak adik aku dia x nak pulak. tapi bila diorg announce dpt 1st, diri la jugak. mana leh tahan beb. and aku dpt rasakan next year kalau ada free tickets lagi, i might be banned from sitting at that alumni's spots (nama dirahsiakan atas tujuan tertentu hehe).

other schools did quite okay too. i remembered sdar's performance, particularly because the timpani player mcm hebat ketuk2 timpani tu, and ada goosebumps siket2. so i think they deserved the 2nd place.

of course it reminded me of my school days... bila terpaksa stay back sbb ada band competition, skip kelas utk training, naik bas gi sana sini, jahit cuffs sendiri. i still have the scar from when we were busy preparing inside the bus, when suddenly the driver pushed the brake pedal mcm org gila, and a number of us (minimum 3) lunged forward and slammed against a seat's armrest, or rather i slammed against the armrest, and other people slammed against me. sakit siot. old times.

and bila keluar dr plenary hall, nampak a few band boys were crying, i felt like crying myself. sedih woo kalau penat2 dah all out tapi still x menang. lagi2 bila parents dtg tgk kan. walaupun ada sedikit 'hairan' tgk budak2 lelaki berpelukan meratapi whatever it is. cute2 lak tu.

anyway, i'm proud of them, achieving what our team couldn't back then. considering tuba SUKOM kekla pun dah jadi archives kat history corner, it's sth all of us have been waiting for a long time hehe.

oh a few quotes heard during the competition:

"makcik mana laa dia amik jadik konduktor ni" --> referring to the tkc conductor, yg menang best conductor okay (said by one of the pakciks sitting near us)

"kalau sekolah XXX (referring to the school that just performed) ni menang, confirm YYYY (referring to his former school) x masuk 5 tahun."---> by the same pakcik.

somebody already posted the performances at utube. tgk la tkc punya hehe.

ok chiow.

nowhere to run

2009-06-18T08:26:00.002+08:00

somehow the H1N1 outbreak (can it be called outbreak?) reminds me about this game i played last year / 2 yrs ago. masa main tu mcm, "yess i'm the man... i'm the most powerful muahahaha *evil laugh*" kinda feeling, but when it's actually happening, it kinda scares me a bit.

play pandemic 2 here.

daym byk pulak game baru kat situ. kerja yeop kerja.

ok chiow.